Tag: love

thank-you

Thank You

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

DSC_0077 (1)I’ve made it through the worst of times. Death. Firsts. And now it’s time to say “thank you.” I  need to divert from the blog for a bit. I would not have made it here without YOU. Family. Friends. Strangers. You helped me reach this road. You’ve been by my side on this journey. A journey that continues. A journey that looks toward the future instead of looking back in the past. I will always remember. I will hold the memories in my heart forever. And you have helped me. You have supported me in ways I never dreamed possible. You have given me strength when I thought my world was falling apart.

Someone asked me the other day, “Are you overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support?” How is that even possible? At the beginning I felt alone. My best friend was gone. There will always be an empty space in my heart. But thanks to you, I don’t feel alone anymore.  People ask, “Where do you find your strength?” I find it from YOU. All of you. Family, friends, and those I’ve never met but touch me every day. You embrace me with your kind words. You touch my heart when I touch yours. It comes full circle. When I hear I am giving others strength, it makes me stronger. When I hear I give hope, I know tomorrow is a brighter day. Positivity is a magnet. It attracts goodness, kindness, compassion. We give, we get. Thank you.

I thought this anniversary would be the most difficult day since August 30th, 2014. But thanks to you, I’ve approached it with new life. I thought long and hard about my choices. I could spend the time being sad. Grieving more. Or I could celebrate Gregger in all his glory. Celebrate his life. His loves. His passion.

To those I’ve never met but am so grateful for: The messages. Email. Facebook. They are so heartwarming. I want to reach through the airwaves and hug you. I want to touch your hand. Thank you for touching mine. You have no idea. I hope we can meet someday. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Truly.

“Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.”

To my friends: I hope you know who you are. I wish I could name each and every one of you individually. Some of you have been around for years. Some of you came back into my life. Some of you I recently met, but you are my dearest friends. I would not be here without you. Supportive. Loving. Kind. Messages. Phone calls. Checking in. I am so grateful. 

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

IMG_2071To my family: From day one. You have been there for me. I remember calling my mom and dad. Screaming. Sobbing. They were in the parking lot at Costco. But they stopped. And they have stopped every time since. My brother, Michael. Waiting outside my garage. Would not let me walk into my house alone. My sister-in-law, Cindy not far behind. My sister, Suzy, always there for me. And all my other siblings. Larry, Ellen, Linda. My nieces, nephews. Extended family. Salt Lake City. Always there for me. Always. A phone call. An email. A text. Whatever I needed. Never too early. Never too late. Thank you.

To my kids: No words. I am so blessed. Where would I be without you? Lost. In more ways than I can imagine. You have let me cry. Laugh. Share. You walked with me through the toughest roads. We’ve walked the roads together. And we will continue climbing mountains, forging valleys. Holding hands. Wrapping our arms around each other. You are my rocks. There are no words of thanks. But I know it’s not necessary either. You each have a piece of your dad in you. Even you, Tyler (I know you are reading this.) His courage. His perseverance. His integrity. His compassion. And, most certainly, his heart. I would not be here today without you. Thank you for giving me strength every day. To smile. To laugh. To move forward. To live. I love you. We will be okay. Because we always have each other. IMG_0945

“Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you’ll find that you have more of it.”

one more day

One More Day

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Dear Gregger,

If I could have just one more day and
wishes did come true,
I’d spend every glorious moment
side by side with you.
Recalling all the years we shared
and memories we made,
how grateful I would be
to have just one more day.
Where the tears I’ve shed are
not in vain and only fall in bliss,
so many things I’d let you know
about the days you’ve missed.
I wouldn’t have to make pretend
you never went away,
how grateful I would be to
have just one more day.
When that day came to a close
and the sun began to set,
a million times I’d let you know
I never will forget.
The heart of gold you left behind
when you entered Heaven’s gate,
how grateful I would be to
have just one more day.

Scan 8Writing right now is hard. My mind is a mumble-jumble of emotions. And then it goes blank. I think about all the things I want to tell you. I think about where I was. Where I am. Where I’m going. It’s scary. I want to talk to you about it. I want you to tell me everything will be okay. I’m doing the right thing. I’m making the right choices. But you can’t. I want you to meet the new people in my life. My friends. You would love them. Amazing. Kind. Compassionate. Supportive. The kind of people you could hang with.

I want you to tell me you’re okay. I want to know you didn’t suffer. Are you at peace? If I know that, I’ll be better. Not okay. Not the kind of happy we had. But better. I made it through the firsts. There were so many. I never realized. They were tough. So hard not having you here. You’ve been my sidekick for 40 years. It’s like half of me is missing. How do I keep going without you? I wish you could tell me. I know you would have the answers. You always do. You always did. You were so smart. You didn’t think you were. But you were. About everything. I’m standing on my two feet because of you. You know that, though. And I bet you’re smiling. Punching those fists in the air. Cheering me on. 

2015-01-10 15.33.41I want to tell you about the kids. They are amazing. Each and every one of them. You would be so proud. They have each accomplished so much this past year. It wasn’t easy. They missed you. They miss you every day. I want you here to share the joy. We waited for these moments. Talked about them forever. Or so it seemed. And I’m so sad you’re missing it. But you must know. I believe you do.

Scan 70I’ve decided to celebrate YOU. No sadness. No mourning. No tears (if I can help it). I’m going to believe that is what you would want. Smiles. Cheer. Remembering the good times. So many. That’s what I want to do. That’s what feels right. Share the love. Share the joy. Share the good times we had together. I miss you. And I will love you forever. My heart is yours. If only I had one more day…

looking-back

Looking Back…

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

IMG_1473For 51 weeks, 357 days, 8568 hours, 514,080 minutes, 30,844,800 seconds, I have tried to look forward. Be positive. Strong. But the memories are smacking me in the face. One year ago we left for the trip of our dreams. 12 days of “happy time.” Together time. Family time. Hawaii. Beach. Sunshine. Sunsets. In a heartbeat, our lives changed.

One day before we left, I posted this on my FB wall. “Everyone will go through some hard times at some point. Life isn’t easy. Just something to think about..did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the ones who take care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the three hardest things to say are ‘I love you,’ ‘I’m sorry,’ and ‘help me?’ Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile to see how much pain they may be in. We all need positive intentions right now. Give a moment of support to all of those who have family problems, health struggles, job issues, worries of any kind and just needs to know that someone cares. Do it for all of us, for nobody is immune.” Strange when I think about what was in front of me. Was this a premonition? Was I subconsciously preparing myself for the nightmare I would face 9 days later? While I know there is no “truth,” I can’t help but seek it. While I know not to search for “whys,” I can’t help but look for answers.  IMG_1246

On that same day 6 years ago, I wrote: “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. We have 86,400 seconds today – why not use one of those to say “thank you” to someone we love?” These were all lessons to myself. Reminders when I got stuck. Took Gregger for granted. My kids. My friends. My family. As the “anniversary” edges closer, I just want to say “thank you, Gregger.” Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for loving our family. Thank you for giving us a beautiful life. A life for us to share together. A place to grow. Become better people. And learn. About each other. I am courageous because of you. You are my heart. You are my soul. Your arms comfort me. Awake. Asleep. I feel your presence. Life was not always easy. But that’s okay. Life is not about being easy. You made my dreams come true. You were my prince charming. And always will be. If I could have just one more day, there are so many things I would say and do. I would wrap you in my arms and never let you go. I would tell you over and over, “I love you. I am so grateful for you. I was blessed the day I met you. And I was blessed for a lifetime.” I would hold your hand so tight it would hurt. And I would not let you walk into that water…

never let them go

shining brightest in heaven

Stars in Heaven…Shining Brightest

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Scan 17In these days leading up to the “anniversary,” I keep going back to the beginning. The moment I spotted Greg. And I just knew. 41 years ago. Bushy-haired guy, beer in hand, hanging at the pool. He never knew what hit him. And it hit him hard. He didn’t stand a chance. Locked him out one night. Talked the night through. One date. And the rest was history. Inseparable. Partners. Lovers. Friends.

My grandmother used to say, “You need to get down on your hands and knees. Every night. And pray. You need to thank God for giving Greg to you.” I resented it. I thought, “What about me?” Shouldn’t he thank God for me? Wasn’t I good enough? I didn’t get it. But as the years went by, I understood. He was one of the “good guys.” He was special.

IMG_1704It was the simple things:
1. Holding hands. Walking down the street. In the grocery store. In the car. Everywhere. It just felt good. Connected.
2. Helping out. Emptying the trash. Clearing the table. Picking up dog poop. Yucky job. But he did it. Sharing. Doing it together.
3. The Little things. Putting out my coffee cup. Every morning.
4. Laughter. Silly, goofy, simple fun.
5. Cuddles. Hugs. Watching reality TV he hated or shows we loved together! It didn’t matter.
6. Kissing. Before he left. When he walked in the door. And in between. I miss those kisses.
7.“I love you.” He said it A LOT!  On the phone, text, email, cards. He never let me forget it. His last words. They’ll stay with me forever.
8. Surprises. So many. Some for occasions. Some for nothing at all. That’s what made them extra special. That’s what made HIM super special.
9. My cheerleader. Greg was my BIGGEST supporter. Whatever I tried to do, he pushed me to be better.
10. My best friend. He listened. The good. The bad. The ugly. He didn’t always “hear” me, but when it was important, he stopped. That counted. I mattered. I knew.

me and greg 11People used to say, “You are so lucky. He’s so calm. Composed.” And I wanted to respond, “You don’t live with him.” That wasn’t fair. I was his outlet. His sounding board. Everyone needs one. He was mine. So WE were lucky. Blessed. He wasn’t perfect. Neither was I. “A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” That was the two of us. There for each other through thick and thin. Richer and poorer. Sickness and health. Good times and bad. We lived through it all. And we made it right to the end. Smiling. Laughing. Loving. Always loving.

 

gregger in heaven

Stars in Heaven…Shining Brighter

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

IMG_0234“Dad, you are not an anchor to hold us back, nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way.”

Of all the roles Gregger played, this was his favorite. He cherished being “dad.” Doting. Goofy. Soft-hearted. Supportive. He worked tirelessly to be the best. To give the most. But pull back just a little when needed. Not much. That was the toughest part for him. His heart was super-sized. Especially when it came to his kids.

“Aside from being the best father a son could dream of my dad was also my best friend, my greatest mentor and will always be my hero. There are no words to express the joy I felt in every moment I shared with him on this earth. The way my dad lived life each and every day is something that I aspire to in the days, months and years ahead. My dad provided me with the best blueprint on how to live life; work hard, be persistent and passionate, but always remain caring and compassionate. Do what is right and always be kind to people. Always go the extra mile for others and appreciate those in your life.”  IMG_1169

Gregger was a little “old school,” but in time the kids turned him into the “cool dad.” He kind of freaked when Adam and Ryan got their ears pierced in fifth and sixth grade. Then he realized those holes could grow back. And they did. Years later those earrings were long gone. Good decision not to fight those small battles. When Ashley begged for the belly button ring, he cringed. But they too reached a mutual understanding. He was a strict one, but compromise worked. At least it worked in our household. Communicate. Listen. Respect. He valued their individuality. Their differences. He learned there is no rule book for parenthood. If you had a plan, chances are life would change it. So be prepared.

Gregger never thought about being a good person, a role model. He just was. It was his nature. Throughout his life, he showed his kids “his way.”

*Be kind.
*Appreciate the little things.
*Do what is right.
*Accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be.
*Work hard. Fight for success.
*Take time. Time for family. Time for yourself. Time to love. Time to enjoy.
*Mistakes are okay. Learn from them.
*Accept responsibility. Own up. Never blame.
*Love with all your heart. It will never steer you wrong.

If Greg had one wish for his kids it was to believe in themselves. To follow their dreams. To be confident. To find courage and strength against the worst fears. To fight when they’re down. To cheer when they’re up. And NEVER, NEVER give up.  Especially in the face of adversity.

0447Ashley_Tyler“Dad, my best friend, my role model, my superman, the first man I loved, my angel…I cannot thank you enough for everything you did for me, taught me, and for all the love you showered me with throughout the years. You made me laugh at the worst of times and taught me not to sweat the small stuff. You always made me feel like the prettiest girl in the room and could never tell me enough how proud you were of me. You make us all want to be better people. You were an angel on earth, and now the best, most handsome guardian angel I could imagine.”

11 1/2 months ago the kids thought their world had fallen apart. They lost their best friend. Their hero. Their superstar. But they’ve planted their feet on the ground. They’ve stepped up. And they have risen to the top. The brilliant bright lights in the sky? Gregger’s joy. Glowing. Beaming. Bursting. He knows. And his legacy will continue because they carry him in their hearts. Forever.

0417Ashley_Tyler

stars in heaven

Stars in Heaven..Keep on Shining

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

IMG_1461Gregger was so much to so many people. And he played each “part” perfectly. You rarely saw him without a smile, a bounce in his step, or a sparkle behind those fashion specs. Whether your chum, crony, or cohort, he made you feel as though you were his #1.

The Friend: To everyone. Gregger never met a man/woman/child who was NOT his friend. Everyone loved The Gregger. He left an imprint on your soul. A smile in your heart. The twinkle in his eye. The sparkle in his smile. It touched you. And made YOU feel special. As if you were his favorite. If he asked, “How are you?” He meant it.

“He changed the world by asking, ‘How are you?’ because he really wanted to know.”

He listened. He asked questions. And he waited for your answer. A man of compassion. A rare breed. A devoted, loyal, true-blue friend. He was there in the noise and the silence. Honest, a man of principles, a man of truth. Gregger made sunny days brighter and brought rainbows at the end of a storm. He loved unconditionally. No terms. No limitations. No judgments. Your way didn’t have to be his way. Gregger was the “every man’s friend.” He accepted and liked you for who you were, not who he wanted you to be. And he was fun. Charismatic yet good-humored. 100% genuine. He was grateful. And that gratitude came back full circle.  friends 2 (1)

Dear friends and family stated:

“You were present. You were supportive. You stood by us in times of uncertainty, sheer happiness, and inconsolable grief. You were an integral part of our family, Greg. The loss is insurmountable, but the imprint of love, kindness, and wonderful memories will always be with us. Thank you, Greg, we love you so.”
“Thank you for shining that ray of sunshine into so many lives including ours. You truly have a gift for spreading happiness to other people and making this world a better place. With Greg’s passing, we all suffered a tragic loss of brightness and color in all of our lives. We can only be grateful for the precious time that we spent with him.”
friends (1)“For as long as I knew Greg he ALWAYS was a kind, loyal, giving, funny, caring, generous individual, but most important, a wonderful friend. Whenever a customer or friend would run into Greg, he would always ask, “How are you? How is your family? How are you doing?” It was always about you! Not Greg. We are heartbroken about losing the friendship of such a wonderful individual. Greg, you will always be in our thoughts, our hearts and we will NEVER forget your humor, kindness, sweetness and your infectious smile!”
“Greg touched so many lives it would be hard to line them all up. I don’t think I have ever met a more positive person in the business world. He was always concerned abou how YOU were doing..never concerning others with any challenges he might be having. When I walked into The Clotherie, it always was an extremely uplifting experience, always something positive. I will always feel that I am a better person having had the wonderful experience of knowing, admiring and loving the man.”

do good 2 (1)The Humanitarian: Gregger was a giver. Not only to friends and family, but his community. While he was personally responsible for creating philanthropic events several times a year, he never turned his back on anyone. And he only cared about the “giving.” Never about the “getting.” With his commitment to giving back, Gregger continued to give after his passing. Friends and family honored him with mind-blowing donations to his favorite charities so his legacy could live on. He would be so honored by this glowing tribute.

“Greg made a tremendous impact on this community. I feel lucky to have known him.”

I was the lucky one. I am blessed every day. To live. To love. To remember.

To be continued…

do good (1)

stairway-to-heaven

Stars in Heaven…Still Shining

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

stairway-to-heavenI never imagined a year ago that I would be preserving Gregger’s memory. We should be celebrating life. Together. “If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I’d walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.” But I can’t. So I’ll hold onto the memories. The photographs in my mind. He was unique. Extraordinary. One-of-a-kind. There will never be another Gregger. And so I remember…

The Gentleman: Before he became The Gregger, he was just plain Greg. Simple. Modest. Unassuming. Gregger was a “Gentle” Man and a Gentleman all rolled into one cuddly delight. Big heart. Soft soul. The “gentle” man was considerate, kind, tender. He could melt my heart with the touch of his hand. Tears rolled down his cheeks at the first sight of his daughter in her wedding gown. He was the “softie.” But he was a true Gentleman. Courteous. Honorable. Respectful. To me, his children, his parents, his colleagues, his friends, his clients and himself. One of Gregger’s favorite sayings was “treat others as you would want to be treated.” This was true for everyone. From grocery bagger, waiter, or call center attendant to colleagues, friends, and family, it made no difference. Smile, be courteous, and always say, “thank you.” As Gregger said, “Being nice will get you EVERYWHERE!” I believe he was right. Gregger was first class. A colleague stated, “Greg was one-of-a-kind. He was a great businessman, had unbelievable style, but, more importantly was a wonderful human being who kept up with our careers and was the ultimate caretaker. He will be remembered as a true gentleman and friend.”

Greg best imageThe Man of Integrity: Gregger was a man of integrity. A man of principles. Honest, trustworthy, selfless, and gracious without a need for recognition, acknowledgment, or accolades. Committed, faithful, loyal. Selfless. Nothing came before family and friends. Gregger was last. Every. Time.

“If all bosses could learn from Greg on how to treat employees or just random acquaintances, everyone would feel as important and loved as he made us feel.”

A leader as well as a team player. Confident, never cocky. But so very humble. I don’t think he ever really knew his true value. If I could call heaven right now I’d say, “You have left one helluva mark on this planet! I told you so!” Simply put, he left this world a better place.

“Thank you! Thank you! These words are completely inadequate for what you have meant to me over the years. Your untiring acts of kindness always humbled me. Knowing you has made a huge difference in my life. I recall the years of joy in working with you daily and the funny ways you had in expressing a resolution to a problem. I miss you and thank you so much for being part of my life.”

Courageous. A fighter. Determined to get to the top but do it his way. Nobody gets hurt. Competition was not good for the soul. Principles. Listen. Pay attention to detail. Oh, he was the best. I was oblivious. But he was spot on. Ying and yang. He nailed it. The little things. He just got it. Knew when to apologize and when to forgive.

Funny, playful. From sensibly serious to lighthearted laughter, Gregger could pan out the jokes or be the joke. The true evolution of Greg to “The Gregger.”

“I liked Greg the moment I met him. I knew working for him would be a great experience. It was. What I didn’t know is how much I would grow to love him, and his family as well. He always treated us with respect and compassion, all the while inspiring us to do better, to BE better. I miss him everyday. His smile, his positive energy, and how he made me feel will forever be etched in my heart and mind. I am a better person for having known Greg.”

stockholm

And finally, the PERFECT role model for his children. They are the true legacy he left behind. I know he is beaming with pride.

Gregger…I could not wait to be your “Mrs.” To stand by your side. To be the half to your whole. I was so proud. Still am. Of you. Your journey. Your success. A husband. Father. Friend. Brother. Son. And so much more. You did it all. With grace. Humility. And strength. Straight to the end. I miss you every day.

stars-in-heaven

Stars in Heaven

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

“Live for something. Do good, and leave behind you a monument of virtue that the storms of time can never destroy. Write your name in kindness, love, and mercy on the hearts of thousands you come in contact with year by year, and you will never be forgotten. Your name and your good deeds will shine as stars in heaven.”

15This was Gregger. He is truly a shining star in heaven. He lived for something. He lived for a lot. His family. His friends. Truly anyone who crossed his path. He did good. He was full of goodness. He left behind a monument of kindness, goodness, and generosity that time will never erase. He will never be forgotten. He was one of the good guys.

As most of you know, this is a rough month. The anniversary of Gregger’s death. But I am trying not to be sad. I am trying to see the light. The positive. The growth. And the strength that came from the “shining stars in heaven.” His spirit. I want to honor that spirit. Gregger’s memory. He deserves it. So I will write about who he was. What he stood for. And the legacy he left behind. So well deserved. I will share messages sent to me. Messages that convey his most honorable attributes. There isn’t a Reader’s Digest version. So bear with me. The rest of the month is dedicated solely to my one and only.

Scan 19The Gregger: Where do I begin? Kind, compassionate, funny, generous (to a fault), hardworking (to a fault, again), courageous, and full of love. So full of love. Others said, “It is amazing how many people were impacted by Greg. His personality was genuine. He was kind and always positive. I will always remember his smile.” Five months ago, I wrote, “Because of his smile, he made my life more beautiful. His tooth-bearing, eye-twinkling grin melted my heart. In the worst of times, his boyish grin could mellow my ranting rage to a quiet calm. If Gregger smiled at you, he touched your heart. His smile was like a warm hug on a cold winter’s day.” It has now been almost a year since Gregger’s smile graced this earth, but it is etched in stone upon my heart. It will always make my life more beautiful. It brings me sunshine on a cloudy day. It raises me up when I’m feeling down. It gives me strength when I think there’s nothing left to give. Thank you Gregger. Today. Tomorrow. Forever. I love you.

DSC_1002The Professional: Gregger began at 8 years old and worked his way to the top. He not only had a passion for his industry but for his clients. He followed in his father’s footsteps and then created his own path. Five months ago I wrote, “The Gregger never settled. He climbed his mountain all the way to the top and enjoyed it every step of the way. The challenges. The struggles. The joys. But most of all the people he met along the way. He truly loved “his” people. They were all part of “his” family. Colleagues stated, “The industry lost a giant. Greg’s ability to recognize change before it happened made him a pioneer and someone that we all aspired to emulate. Well beyond the passion he displayed for his chosen career, he set the standard for behavior and overall level of professionalism. He was a class act who raised the bar for all of us and taught us all how to treat others. He was as kind as he was gracious, challenging all around him to be a better person.”
“Greg was a wonderful soul and human being! They have one heckuva haberdasher with a great heart upstairs.”

If only I had one more day. Just to say, thank you. You made me a better person. You gave me strength. You gave me courage. And you taught me the meaning of selfless love. Love for others. Love for myself. The greatest gift of all.  I miss you.

To be continued…

DSC_0685

It All Comes Full Circle

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

plans 4Life is about changes. And plans. And changing those plans. It’s about stages. Adapting. Or not. Some people live spontaneously. On the edge. Others plan. I am a planner. I like routine. As a teen, I planned out my life. Special ed teacher. Check. Married at 21. Check.  First child at 25. Check. Three to five children. Check. Physical issues stopped me at three (along with Gregger’s objections). I would have gone for five! What I didn’t prepare for were the unexpected bumps along the way. I planned. I prepped. I prepared. I never thought about the curve balls thrown along the way. I’d have to be ready to swing, catch, strike out, or hit a home run. I never knew what life was going to throw my way.

  • It certainly wasn’t in my “plan” to encounter major difficulties getting pregnant. But life happened. We were dealt a hard blow that resulted in an emotional roller coaster of sadness, fear, disappointment, anger, frustration, more sadness, more disappointment. I blamed myself. The stress was apparent. And then a miracle happened. A true blessed miracle.
  • And baby makes three! Life was thrown topsy-turvy. Sleepless nights. Out of routine. Making time. But I loved it. I was a stay-at-home mom and embraced every moment. I never questioned my decision. I’d never trade my role. Gregger and I made special time for “us.” Saturday night. Date night. It started out weekly and soon we cut it to every other. We loved being with Adam. We were becoming homebodies. None of our friends had kids. We didn’t care. We were happy with our family. Happy to be the three of us.  plans 5
  • After all the trouble I had getting pregnant, I figured whatever happened was meant to be. 18 months later and #2 came along. If one baby hadn’t changed our lives enough, two was certainly going to make an impact. Two babies. Two in diapers. Two napping. Two demanding A LOT of attention. Gregger and I had less and less time for each other. Early bedtime for the kids. Time for us. And we were too exhausted to barely hold a conversation.
  • Busy lives. Busy kids. Trying to keep it together. Tough. And then a huge curve ball. Miscarriage. One minute you’re on top of the world. The next, your world is falling apart. But you don’t have time for that. There are two kids to care for. A husband. And life goes on. But I was grieving. I wanted that baby. I was so sad. A tough time to go through with two babies still in tow. But another life hurdle. We climbed. We crawled. We made it through.
  • One year later. Another miracle. I was pregnant. So cautious. So nervous. But 9 months later princess Ashley was born. I opened and closed that diaper more times than I can remember. I couldn’t believe it was really a girl! The third time was a little different. I was more relaxed. Both boys were in school. We moved into a rental when Ashley was three months. A bit stressful. Moved again when our new house was built. Yikes. A lot of moving with three little ones. But we managed. Happy in our new digs. Great family neighborhood. Fun place to raise the little ones.
  • The growing years. The busy years. The “no time for each other” years. Running from school to activities. Homework. Birthday parties. All while Gregger was building a business. Sunday funday was family day. Bike rides. Train park. Swimming. Whatever we could fit in. Just being together. Gregger wanted perfection. It was his only day to be together. The kids would fight. We would argue. There is no such thing as perfection. Not with family. Not with three kids. We learned the hard way. But we eventually learned. Keeping it together was a great day. As close to perfection as we would ever come.
  • High School. Kids driving. Worrying. Waiting up to make sure they made it home safely. Busy. It was a time of independence. Yet still dependent. Needing us for guidance and reassurance. Would we say and do the right things? Would we guide them in the right direction? We did the best we could. We made the best decisions with the information we had. Would I change anything? I can’t go back. If I had the chance. Well, maybe. Gregger and I hung on. It was tough. Stressful times. One leaving for college. One going away to tennis academy. One at home. Life was changing. Life was different.
  • Empty Nesters. We took a deep breath. We learned to enjoy each other again. We talked. We took time to really BE together. We thought we would be so sad. We missed the kids. We loved having them come home. But we LOVED being together. We loved being BEST friends. We loved just BEING. We traveled. We shared. We did nothing. We were just the two of us. And it was AWESOME. plans 2

    Our kids had their own lives. Girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands, jobs, social lives. Sometimes it was hard. Sometimes we wanted them home again. But we respected their lives. We wanted them to choose to be with us. We wished it was more. In my life plan, my family was full of family dinners, get togethers. But that wasn’t the way it worked. A different plan. We accepted the time we had. And we continued to enjoy each other. Life had come full circle. We were back to OUR beginning. And we were embracing those special times.

    Back to Single. This is the one I never expected. I thought my circle was complete. I liked that circle. I liked being back to two. Now the circle is broken. I will create my own circle. My own beginning. I will see where this circle takes me and where I end up. The journey may never give me answers, but I hope to find peace. I will learn to enjoy the ride. Because life itself is completely uncontrollable.

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A Letter to Myself…Lessons I’ve Learned

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Dear 19-year-old Mikki,

DSC_0215You have been knocked down. Flat face. You will feel like you can you never put two feet on the ground and run again. But you can. And you will. Faster than you’ve ever run before. Alone. Terrifying. Intimidating. Daunting. You will pack your bags and head to California. San Diego. And it will work.

You will find a small place. Safe. Venture out into comfort zones. Meet people slowly. You will be overwhelmed by the warmth. Kindness. Compassion. You feel welcome. In a short time, it feels like home. And you will grow. Life becomes real. You will write. A lot. You will write about life before. And after. You will write about lessons. All that you’ve learned. You will write about hubby. This will be your way to carry out his legacy. It’s a good thing. Carry that in your heart.

1. The big things aren’t so big anymore. You will be blessed with graciousness and hurt with inhumanity. You will hold on to those who love you and let go of others.  life is unpredictable
2. It’s okay to take care of yourself. Even before you take care of others. If you don’t, you won’t be around either.  take care of yourself (1)
3.Life is unpredictable. You think you can plan. It doesn’t always work out the way you want. Be prepared.
4.Life is short. Live it. There are no second chances. No do-overs. You will wish there were. Don’t look back. Keep your eyes forward.
5. There is no timetable for grief. No conventional way to mourn. No normal.
6. Life will never be the same. You may never have the same kind of happiness. The same kind of love. But you can create a new normal. A new happy.
7. There will be an ending. And a beginning. You will deal with both. Embrace them.
8. Be patient. With yourself. Your family. Friends. Everyone grieves in their own way. It is a journey that only you can take to arrive at a place of peace and acceptance.  life is short 3 (1)
9. You will have to make decisions you never thought you would have to make. You will take over. Roles. “Things.” You will become mother and father. Accountant. Handyman. Do it all. You can do it. And you will.

“The road of life twists and turns and no two
directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.”