Dear Greg…Happy 46 years! Another one of those “should’ve” moments. “Little by little, we let go of loss, but never of love.” This, like all the other 7 anniversaries, is worthy of celebration. Our day. You. Me. Together. Forever. “Til death do us part…” “Every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite.” When I began writing (over 7 years ago) I told the story of our “once upon a time.” We believed we’d grow old together. Celebrate 75 years! Enjoy our “happily ever after.” That ended on the fated day, August 30th, 2014. Though the fairytale ended and it wasn’t the happily ever after of my dreams, you will always be my prince charming. I will remember Read more [...]

What does grief look like after seven years? 7 years. 84 months. 30,660 days. 1,839,600 hours. 110,376,000 minutes. 6,622,560,000 seconds. Heartache. Tears. Pain. Tears. Loneliness. Tears. I wish I could say it’s “easier.” Different. But it’s not. A tough year. No reason. Nothing particular. Just tough. I want Greg back. That will never be. In my mind. I know. Reality. In my heart. I beg to differ. My heart feels empty. Yes. I am blessed. Amazing kids. Beautiful grandkids. Blessings. All.  Undeniable love. Love I am forever grateful to hold. But. Not the same. I feel broken. Seven years Signs. Surround me. White butterflies. Clouds. Music. Hummingbird. Just one. Visits daily. Flies Read more [...]

Dear Greg, Happy 67! This is the day we celebrate you. And every year I’m reminded of another celebration  without you. Another 365 days gone. And you weren’t here. It sucks. Sometimes more than others. This is one of those “others.” Maybe it’s the pandemic. The turbulent, chaotic society. The endlessness. Uncertainty. I don’t know. But it’s hard. Days like these are even harder. "Grief changes shape, but it never ends.” I live. I smile. I laugh. But my soul is empty. And it hurts. This is my truth for now. Some days I’m ok. Others I’m not. I just want you here. To hold my hand. Watch silly TV. Talk. Or sit in silence. I’d even take a good snore. But. That’s not happening. Read more [...]

Dear Greg, 45 YEARS!!! 45 freaking years! We should be celebrating the hell out of those years. Our love. Our life. Even with this crazy pandemic it would have been AMAZING! How do I know? Because our needs were simple. It just took two. US. You plus Me. No fancy dinners. Trips. Glitz or glamour. Just us.  Happy. Hanging. You in your boxers and Birkenstocks. Me in my baggy sweats! Bring on the Jamesons. A glass of wine. Chips for you. Veggies for me. Cheers to love. Cheers to us. Cheers to many, many more years together. 75 years. Right? Wrong. God had other plans. We were cut short. Life ended. And so did we. 7 years of celebrating. Alone. Remembering what was. And what will never be. But. Read more [...]

6 years, 72 months, 2190 days, 52,560 hours, 3,153,600 minutes, 189,215,800 seconds since you’ve been gone…and it still seems like yesterday. August. Ugh. The calendar turns over and so do my nerves. But it’s there. The month. And it’s full of anticipation. Reliving the moments. The joy. The laughter. Family. Together time. And then. Gone. Over. Life changed. In. A. Moment. Life doesn’t give you do overs. We all learned that. We were left standing. Empty handed. Empty hearted. We still are.  I write this tribute to Greg every year. Honor his memory. The words flow. Easy. From my heart. 2020? So different. My feelings? The same. Melancholy. Heavyhearted. Nostalgic. But. So are hundreds Read more [...]

Happy Father’s Day Greg! Five Father’s Days, six years without you. It never gets easier. As each holiday rolls around I find myself in a state of melancholy. It washes over me. Encompasses my being. Uncontrollable. I don’t realize it’s happening. But. The calendar reminds me. You. Should be here. Celebrating. Your family. Kids. Grandkids. We. Should be celebrating. Together. I’m sad for what you’ve missed. The joy. The laughter. Their love. Smiles. The milestones. The way they make every day better. Especially when life seems to suck.  These are hard times right now. As much as I want you here, I don’t. The pandemic. Economic hardships. Police brutality. Riots. America in crisis. Read more [...]

Dear Greg, Today “would have been” our 44th anniversary. It “would have been” a day we spent celebrating our love for one another. A day together. Because. You ALWAYS made January 10th OUR day. Why the “would have been?” Because. You are NOT here. And. That’s MY reality. For six years I celebrated these occasions “as if.” I said, “Happy Anniversary.” “As if” you’d walk into the room. “As if” we’d celebrate all night long. But. We won’t. Not ever. Reality. It is the anniversary of our wedding day. But. We won’t exchange mushy cards. Surprise gifts. Cheers to the years. Or pat each on the back for conquering another year!  Why is this day more important Read more [...]