Author: Mikki Eveloff

I am certainly no princess, but I did marry my Prince Charming. We had the once upon a time and the “almost” happily ever after until August 30th, 2014 when my Prince Gregger died tragically on the beach in Maui. I believe in fairytales. I believe in fate. I believe that “everything happens for a reason.” We planned a lifetime together…75 years to be exact. Someone or something changed our plans and gave us a new “ever after.” So here I am. I am still a wife, but now they call me a widow. I am a mom and grandma…three children, two in-laws, and two grandchildren. Life has changed and it’s time to move forward. It doesn’t stop, it keeps on going, so I do too. It’s my choice. Be happy, be grateful. It’s the only choice. I have a treasure trove of memories to share..it’s how I keep the happily ever after alive. A True Love Fairytale is 40 years of memories…it’s the essence of our happily ever after. It’s the imperfections of our perfect marriage. And it’s what makes today beautiful.
letter to myself

A Letter To Me…And the story goes on…

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Dear 19-year-old Mikki,

DSC_0684After many years of building your family, business, and lives together, you and hubby start reclaiming your lives. Your kids will move on. They will move away. Across the U.S. One on the east coast. One on the west coast. One stays put. It won’t always be easy. You’ll want to visit. They’ll be busy. You’ll have grandkids. You won’t get to see them as often as you’d like. Not the fairy tale you dreamed about. They have their own agenda. You wish things could be different. But they aren’t. Someday. You will wait. But your heart will hurt. Be patient. “All things are difficult before they become easy.” They may never become easy, but they will become better. Once again, it’s about expectations. None. So whatever happens, is good. Sometimes great.

You will turn your focus on your hubby. He is flourishing in the world. You are so proud of him. His accomplishments. His passion. You will stand by him. Support him. It’s a challenge at times. You want him to choose you. Everytime. He is so torn. He wants to spend time with you. But the business is booming. He knows he needs to be there. He doesn’t know how to let go. You can’t push him. He has to figure it out himself. But you figure it out. You will learn that support is mutual. The more you give, the more you get. It really works both ways.

yoga (4)You will find yourself in yoga. You become more present. More grateful. You recognize the blessings. Focus on the positive. Let go of what you can’t control. Let go of fear. You break down walls. Your relationships become stronger. Deeper. With family. Friends. And most of all, hubby. Priorities change. You love nice things. But you realize “things” don’t bring happiness. You finally realize it’s not, “once you do or get this, things will be perfect.” It’s living in the moment. It’s recognizing what’s in front of you. That’s when you discover peace. Happiness. And life is preparing you. You just don’t know it yet.

0839Ashley_TylerYour little girl is going to get married. To one great guy. You will be ecstatic after waiting seven long years. It is going to be one of the most joyous occasions of your life. For so many reasons. A fairy tale from beginning to end. You will cherish every second you spend planning together. And the celebration will be overflowing with love, joy, family, and friends. Lots and lots of family and friends. So grateful. A weekend blending two families into one. Another blessing. Not just for the moment, but for years to come.

You will travel more with hubby. And then you will choose not to. Some of these choices will be because you shy away from the social situations. That’s okay. But you will look back one day and wish you had made different choices. Don’t look back. Be okay with the choices you made. Those were the best choices for you at the time. You need to accept that. You were supporting him. You were pushing him to be better. But being uncomfortable was not part of the deal. Your choices were okay. He missed you. You missed him. And when you came back together, things were better than ever.  MR Magazine

Life is going to throw you a major curveball. Something you clearly don’t see coming. After a near perfect year, you will be knocked out. Dealbreaker. It’s a setup. Allowing you to deal with adversity. Become stronger. Back surgery. Nerve damage. In and out of hospitals. Not sure if you’ll ever be the same. Ever be able to walk right again. Sit. Move. But somehow you deal. You realize it could be so much worse. Your life drastically changes. But you see the blessing. More time with hubby. He’s always by your side. Holding your hand. Comforting. More time with friends. You start working at the store. You learn new things. You make the most of a bad situation. And, as with all things in life, there is a reason. God is preparing you. You are learning things you never knew. Because in a few months, you will HAVE to know. You just don’t know it yet.

You will have some incredible trips together. All in the course of one year. Sweden. Paris. New York. Mexico. San Diego. Boston. St. Louis. And one more. Your dream trip. A family trip. Cherish those moments. Every. Single. One of them. They may be the best moments you will ever have together. Hold on tight. You will know why soon enough.

To be continued…

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letter to myself

A Letter to Myself

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

I read a letter that Pete Sampras wrote to his “16-year-old younger self” the other day. He talks about how his life is just beginning, the difficulties he’s going to face, the triumphs, the defeats, the rewards, and the appreciation of the journey. He reminds himself to “play hard but stay true to himself.”  Reading this made me think about what I would say to myself as an innocent 19-year-old.

19 years oldDear 19-year-old Mikki,
You think you are heading to Washington University in the fall. Occupational Therapy program. Excited to be accepted. Anxious to start a new path. This is the right school. Third time’s a charm! U of A. Bust! University of Missouri-St. Louis. UGH! Washington University. Here we come! Not. You go to say goodbye to your good buddy, Jeff. Little do you know that he will put thoughts in your head about leaving St. Louis. You can’t sleep that night. You wake up in the morning. Anxious. Distracted. You HAVE to approach your parents. They will think you’re nuts. But if you don’t try, you’ll never know. And if you don’t do this, your WHOLE life will be different. You HAVE to do it. You tell your mom. You want to go back to ASU. “NO WAY!” You tell your dad. “If you can make it work. Go ahead.” Now you’re confused. But something is pulling you. You have to make it happen. You call Jeff. He sets things up for you. And several days later, you are off. Your life is totally about to change. FOR THE BETTER!

You live in the fraternity house for a week. Interesting. And then fate steps in. You spot some guy at a pool party. He has no idea. But you do. You tell your roommate. “I’m going to marry that guy.” One week later. First date. Three months later. Engaged. One year later. MARRIED. Fate. Reality. Love. Set. Match.

You think life will be roses and lollipops. But you are still in school. He will graduate early. He must get a job. Jobs are scarce. Little pay. So you move. Back to the midwest. Back to his hometown. And you change schools AGAIN. He will work for his dad. You think this is for the best. It is for a while. But your hearts are elsewhere. In the west. Tugging you back. So you will pack your bags and return. No place to live. No jobs. Life will be tough. He will take the bus to work. You will be a substitute teacher until something better comes along. You make it work. He thinks he wants to go back to school. Become an accountant. He gives it a shot. But nature stops him. He can’t cross the bridge. Rain. Floods. He misses classes. This is a good thing. Fate. Again. He was meant to be where he is. You will find this out later. Much later. It’s worth the wait. So he’s back in retail. Long hours. Hard work. But it’s his calling. His passion. He just doesn’t realize it yet. You finally get work as a special ed teacher. You will love working with the children. But it is short lived. You miraculously get pregnant, after being told it is impossible. You work through the pregnancy. But, lucky for you, you get to be a stay at home mom. And so your fleeting career is over.

You love being a mom. At the beginning it’s like playing with dolls. You love feeding, changing clothes, bathing, walking, even changing diapers. It’s all such a miracle. And then baby #2 comes along. Life will become a little more hectic. But you figure it out. Motherhood becomes you. It’s your dream career, so you aren’t complaining. You will have side jobs. Things to keep your personal identity. This is important for you. You will teach fitness. This will keep you in shape. It will also become an obsession. Not necessarily in a good way. You have that tendency. You just have to know when to curb it. You don’t. Fortunately, life steps in and slows you down. You will write cookbooks. As a ghostwriter. This is kind of a fluke. But it’s all good. Making your own money. Developing an identity outside motherhood. Twelve books. Magazine articles. Food stylist. So outside of your realm. But you learn. And grow. It’s good for you. Confidence builder. And then you burn. Time to move on. It’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You gave it a good run. You gave “her” a good run. And it’s time to move on. Time to focus on you. Another of life’s lessons.

You will spend a lot of time with your kids. A LOT of time! You help them with school work. You drive them from one activity to the next. You play the role of mom, teacher, maid, social director, chauffeur, cook, cheerleader, therapist, party planner, referee, and friend. You never know which role on any given time, day, or moment. Be prepared. This will last from birth to adulthood. Your competitive spirit comes out a little bit. You relive through your children what you never got to do. Your boys are tennis players. You cheer them on at every match. You are personally invested. You don’t need to be. They will be fine on their own. Take a step back. Breathe. Let them figure it out. Don’t try to micromanage. If they win, awesome. If they lose, it’s okay. It’s the juniors. It’s part of life. They will survive. When your oldest decides to just play for school, let him. He knows what he’s doing. He will enjoy the game a lot more. His focus is on college, future. Son #2 has a passion. Don’t push. Let him decide his path. It will be hard for you. It’s not in the “box.” But if you take away the dream, he will resent you. Your daughter. Loves her dance. Sometimes you love it more. Pom. Competitions. It won’t be her life. Let her enjoy the moments. Let her dance. Have fun. She’s not going to be on Broadway. Or become a professional dancer. It’s not HER dream. It may be yours. Give it up. Let her follow her dreams. Just let her enjoy.

School. All of the kids will be good students. But don’t push so hard. If they don’t get perfect grades. So what? Let them do the work. You don’t need to make it perfect. But you think you do. Let it go. It’s one of the hardest things you will ever do. Letting your kids just be. Letting them go and becoming their own beings. You can do it. You will be so proud years later. They will prove to you they can do it on their own. But you have to allow them to breathe. Make mistakes. Fall on their faces. Pick themselves up. You can’t always do it for them.

You and hubby will go through many a bumpy road over the years. Financially, emotionally, mentally. But hang in there. Every struggle brings you closer together. At the time, it feels like the world is coming to an end. You think you are the worst mother, wife, friend, daughter, sister. You think everyone would be better off without you. But stick it out. Believe in yourself. Seek out the positive. The blessings. They are hiding behind the darkest clouds. Little by little you filter through. You and hubby always have your foundation. Your love. But instead of taking you back to the beginning, you go someplace better. Someplace stronger. You build. You trust. You share. Life together just gets better every day.

Kids grow up. They leave home. They begin to build their own lives. You are an empty nester. But you are okay. You keep yourself busy. You and hubby travel more. You love spending time together. At home. Away. It doesn’t really matter. You love filling your house with kids. It doesn’t happen as often as you would like. But they are building their own lives. You are trying to accept that. You learn that living without expectations is the best way. No disappointment. It is hard. But you keep on trying. You hope that someday they will want to come home. You try to build traditions. That is important to you. You will try to instill these values so they can pass them down to their families.

You are a homebody. You try to be more social, but it is just not your thing. It is hard for you to go out in big groups. You crawl into a shell sometimes. Try to crawl out. You deserve to be seen. You deserve to be heard. You just don’t always believe it. You have a great person by your side. He supports you. He believes in you. He pushes you to do better. You don’t always see it that way. But those are his greatest intentions. He only wants the best for you. He loves you. He wants you to shine. He wants you to grow. He wants you to believe. And he is somehow preparing you for the future. A future you don’t see coming.

To be continued…

19 years old 2

Motherhood

Motherhood

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

moms 3Being a mom. The HARDEST job on the planet! While I wouldn’t trade places with the top exec of any Fortune 500 company on the planet, being a mom requires all the grit, drive, motivation, sleep deprivation, and more to get to the top of the game. And just like any job, you start at the bottom and work your way to the top. You falter along the way. You stumble. Make mistakes. You’re rewarded with LOVE. Make more mistakes. More LOVE.

Scan 3 (1)I was 25 years young when I became a mom for the first time. Loved being pregnant. Loved being a mom. My firstborn. A boy. I thought I knew it all. I was going to do everything the way I wanted. Certainly not the way anyone else told me to. Of course, it was the RIGHT way. It was MY right way. My mom told me to do everything on a schedule. Let him cry. Don’t feed him too often. I listened for the first week. Then I did it my way. When he wouldn’t sleep, we circled the dining room table singing “Zip-a-dee doo dah” 500 times until he fell asleep. Or we put him in the car and drove for 30 minutes. We prayed as we carefully carried him inside and tucked him into bed. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. The second time around was different. 18 months apart. If Ryan cried, we knew he’d survive. He learned to rock, swing, sit, and wait. He ate whenever he wanted. By then I didn’t care. I cared about him. I just didn’t care about the “rules.” More laid back. He was a better sleeper. More “go with the flow.” But definitely more active. Two boys. Holy crap! The magic potion was getting them on the same nap schedule. A three-hour nap in mid-morn was the ultimate break. And boy did I need it! Laundry, cleanup, food prep, and maybe a five-minute rest. Scan 43 

Four and one-half years later, the princess came along. She was a piece of cake. Either that or I had the motherhood thing so down, that everything ran smoother. Ashley was easy. She ate, slept, went everywhere. We walked. In the stroller, a snuggie, the backpack. She used her “nukkie” for 4 1/2 years until she was afraid my mom would take it away from her. So she hid in the closet and started sucking her thumb. I thought it was cute. Some moms might have said otherwise. I didn’t care. She was my baby. Let her be that way for as long as she wanted. I knew she wouldn’t walk down the aisle with her thumb in her mouth! And she certainly didn’t!

mom 4I tried to be supermom. I aimed for perfection. There is no such thing. No matter how hard I tried, something was going to fall off the tracks. Kids were going to fight. Get sick. Something was bound to go helter-skelter at some point. Keeping it together 100% of the time was a fallacy. So I realized loving, listening, caring, and just being there was the BEST I could do at any given time. Sometimes it was enough. Sometimes it wasn’t. But I NEVER gave up.

I think the most difficult part to digest was when others questioned my integrity. No one had the whole picture. Temper tantrums in public? I was a bad mom.  In their mind. In my mind. They’d roll their eyes, pull their kids away, huff and puff. Bad kids, bad mom. Judgement damages. It took years to walk away. To let go. To know that I was a good mom. My way may not be their way, but that didn’t mean it was the wrong way. My kids were just having a bad day. A bad moment. It happens.

momMy greatest joys and heartaches came and come from being a mom. They say you are as happy as your happiest child. Or you suffer along with their anguish and pain. No words could speak more truth. From babes to adults. There is no time frame. There is no retirement plan. And you can’t quit.

“Motherhood is a wonderful, rewarding, messy, noisy, and sometimes crazy ride, but it’s all worth it.”

  • The joy of “firsts.” First word, first steps, first day of school, first lost tooth, first date, first “drive,” first “win.”
  • The jubilant smiles and laughter that filled the house.
  • Learning patience, understanding, compassion, and the art of listening.
  • Building memories for a lifetime.
  • Creating traditions.
  • Pride in their every accomplishment, big and small.
  • Hugs and kisses.
  • Walking them down the aisle to their beloved and knowing it is the perfect match.
  • Watching them grow from babe to teen to adult with pride. From dependent to independent. And knowing they will be more than okay. They will be GREAT!

Gregger used to joke, “You better not go before me and leave me alone with these kids!” We laughed about it, bantered back and forth. I always thought I’d be first. I bet he would give anything to be here now to watch the rest of his children’s journeys. It still amazes me every day. My kids gave me so many gifts along the way. They reminded me to have fun, taught me to be patient, selfless, and grateful. They helped me realize life is a journey. The road is long and bumpy. But if you open your eyes, open your heart, and open your mind, it can be the most AMAZING journey. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Blessings. motherhood 2

A Utah Birthday Celebration

A Utah Birthday Celebration

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

birthdaysSo I survived Birthday 2015. Family. Friends. Support. Love. Lots and lots of love. From the break of dawn ’til the midnight hour. Texts, phone calls, FB messages, cards, photos, and more. Memories flashed. New memories made. It was a day to reflect. A day to rejoice. I focused on my blessings. Gregger kept flickering into the picture. I knew the moment I landed in Utah he was there. He would have embraced the beauty, just as I did. He would have loved the tranquility. A charming sense of peace.

I went to bed Tuesday night praying that Gregger would come to wish me a Happy Birthday. He didn’t. It was hard to sleep. I wanted my birthday to come and go. Maybe I could just sleep through it. No. We had too much to do. I had to smile. Be happy. Have fun. I could do it. I just kept telling myself it was just another day. People called. I spoke to a few, but more like an out of body experience. We were busy. Perusing Park City. Shopping. Meandering. Lunching. A little happy hour sunshine with the girls. Fun. Good to forget.

Harry 2 (1)Open cards. Hard for people to buy this year. They didn’t want to be too funny. Not too sentimental. Some made me cry. Some gave me a little chuckle. I got it. It was tough. Presents. My kids gave me really sentimental gifts. Touching. Close to my heart. Sweet. Kind. Full of love. Just like their dad. I’m not surprised.

Off to the concert. Red Butte Garden in Salt Lake. A botanical garden surrounded by a beautiful mountainous range. Magnificent. Storms swelling on the horizon. Praying they would bypass the Butte. The winds kicked up. Dark clouds formed. Harry Connick, Jr took the stage. The crowd erupted in applause. The skies opened. The sun broke through. Gorgeous. Captivating. Perfect. Birthday magic.

Harry 1And that concert was sensational. Standards. Standup. Jazz. Big Band. And love songs. Those were the ones that got me. Yep. I looked right into those heavens and cried. I wanted Gregger right there with me. Holding my hand. And then the rainbow appeared. I couldn’t see it. I strained. But Harry talked about it. He kept pointing to it. “Can you see it? Can you see it?” NO! I wanted to scream out! But I knew it was Gregger. I knew he was there with us. I knew it was my birthday sign. And just then I knew everything was going to be okay.

It was a fabulous night. I am blessed with a wonderful Utah family. Lucky to share my celebration with my in-law birthday twin. And so grateful we are able to be together. Thank you to everyone who touched my life yesterday. You touched my heart.

harry

happy birthday

Happy Birthday

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

60Heads up readers! I am doing my best to keep the positive spirit, head high, and super smile, but this is a TOUGH one! I have been trying to squash some incredible memories. I can’t stop the tears. Happy tears, sad tears, “I miss you so badly” tears. One of the GREATEST weeks of my life. My 60th birthday! A birthday I could barely believe I was celebrating. But leave it to Gregger. He made it over-the-top spectacular, never to be forgotten. As they say in the movies (well kind of), “Thank God we had 60!” One year ago. And in that short time, life changed. I want to go back. I want a redo. I want him here to celebrate.

Gregger had a whirlwind trip in New York to make it home in time for my birthday, so just having him there was enough for me. I thought we were going to spend a quiet day together. A walk. Starbucks. Pedis. Gregger had never had one. He hated people touching his feet. But he was going to do it for MY birthday. I was shocked. Little did I know we’d never make it there. He had far more up his sleeve.

IMG_0014It started on Saturday. I was running errands, catching up before he came home on Monday. My sister-in-law called and said they wanted to stop by with my present as they were going to be away on my actual birthday. No big. Of course. While I was trying to downplay this momentous milestone, everyone else was playing it up BIG! There was no escape! A few minutes later they showed up at my door singing “Happy Birthday.” But standing in the background was my sister, Suzy, from NEW YORK! Surprise #1! We had just texted several hours earlier and were planning to catch up later in the day. I had NO CLUE!

Several weeks prior I had been on the phone with Suzy chatting about the “Move Live On Tour” Show with Julianne and Derek Hough. It was going to be in Phoenix on my birthday. Ticket prices were sky high and with Gregger in NYC it was off my radar. But Surprise #2 was a doozy…my family, along with Gregger, scored front row seats (1 and 2)! Really? This was almost too much and it wasn’t even my birthday yet! Amazing show, fantastic night. The only thing missing was the Gregger beside me to share the energy, the love, the celebration. But he was on his way.

DSC_0528Monday was finally here and Gregger was on his way back from NYC. I was so anxious to see him. He had only been gone a week but it seemed like forever! I hated getting the party started without him. It was time for him to join in the fun. The only thing that would have made my birthday perfect was having Ashley, Tyler, and Bella in tow. Unfortunately (or fortunately for his family) they were celebrating with Jeff (Tyler’s dad) who shares my birthday. It’s only fair that we take turns, so I was more than okay with this plan. I figured next year might be mine. I had spoken to Ashley several times during the day. She was feeling pretty bad. I kept reassuring her she was doing the right thing. My last conversation ended as they were getting ready to have lunch with Jeff to start his celebration. Yeah, Jeff! So after Suzy and I filled our day trying to get my stupid phone replaced (lots of aggravation), I was ready for a happy hour celebration with friends. Fate must have stepped in. I had no cell service. So Suzy was on call. She played me good. She told me Gregger texted her from the air and said his plane was circling. It was going to be late. I thought it was coming in early. Why not believe her? I had no reason not to. Drink on. We finally headed for the airport. Then it was time to sit and wait. Cell phone lot. What the heck? I thought he was in. Guess not. We circled around and saw him heading to the car. YEAH! Time to get this party started! I practically jumped into his arms! I was overcome with joy. Suddenly he said he forgot a package inside. Needed to go back to get it. Greg? He doesn’t forget. Ever. I was baffled. But I waited. And as he walked back out, nothing in hand, a trail of three beautiful figures was behind him. Ashley, Tyler, and Bella. OMG! I screamed. I jumped. I clapped. I was overjoyed. Surprise #3! It couldn’t get better than this!

DSC_0421But it could. We walked into the house and the kitchen was blooming with a bouquet of 60 birthday balloons. Magnificent! How did he pull that one off? Magical. Extraordinary. Gregger. We capped off the night with cheers, laughter, and lots of love. LOTS OF LOVE. Before bed I was instructed: be ready by 9:30. Wear a bathing suit. No questions. Just be ready. Okay. No idea. But I’ll go with it. I was in my happiest place. With my happiest people. My family.

Birthday. Lots of wishes. Phone calls. Texts. Facebook messages. It felt good. I felt good. A dear friend and her daughter stopped by with flowers and gifts. Ryan stopped by. He had to work. He was saving his time off for Hawaii. I begged him to. That was way more important than my birthday. We would celebrate over the weekend together. He was okay with that. Or so I thought. He greeted everyone. Hugged me tight. Suddenly he said, “Oh mom. I think there are some flowers for you by the front door.” Without a thought, I meandered to the door and flung it open. No flowers. But the BEST surprise EVER. My parents. With birthday wish signs in hand. Surprise #4! I cried. I almost fell over. I really couldn’t believe this one. Flying in from St. Louis to celebrate with me. This was just over the top special. This day just couldn’t get any better. But it did.

DSC_0468Surprise #5: Ryan was off for the day. Spending it with all of us. Surprise #6: We loaded up the car and headed out. I had no clue where we were going until we arrived at Talking Stick Casino. Gregger had rented a cabana for the day. What a blast. Our own cabana boy. Food, drinks, TV, and a pool practically to ourselves. Gregger was not a pool or sun lover so this was for me. And boy did we have fun! Just lounging in the pool. Chilling our bodies from a hot AZ day. Nothing could be more perfect than hanging with the people I love. Capped it off with a little gambling. Nothing crazy. I hate throwing Gregger’s hard earned cash away. So home we headed. The celebration was still underway.

DSC_0565Showers. Dress. Present time. Pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Good thing. Memories captured for a lifetime. And then we were off again. While it was supposed to be a surprise, I was pretty sure I could guess this one. I was right. Ocean Club. Best food in AZ. Best atmosphere. Best night ever. Perfection. No words. Just love, laughter, family, and good old-fashioned FUN. SIXTY never felt better. This one was for the history books. Cloud nine. Reeling for weeks. Don’t ever let me come down.

One year later. No Gregger. No surprises. It will be hard. There’s no way around it. My toughest 1st yet. He just made it that special. He made me feel that special. Sometimes I wish he hadn’t. But I’m lucky. I have an incredible second family. A family to share my birthday with in a big way. So we are off to Utah. Off to celebrate Keena and Jeff. It’s their special year. We’ll celebrate them. I’ll hold onto the memories of last year. I’ll feel Gregger with me. I’ll wait for the sign. And I’ll cherish the love, laughter, and joy of a beautiful family. Grateful for life’s blessings once again.

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Life is a Roller Coaster

Life is a Roller Coaster

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

shift attentionThese last few weeks I have been reminded of things I “posted” five years. I do not recall the “whys” behind these words, but in the wake of my present situation, they are so profound. In some ways, I believe whatever was happening was an awakening, a rehearsal for today. Something brought me to a state of awareness. Recognition of gratitude. Emotions. Attitude. This did not happen by chance. Because today I understand. I accept. And I’m grateful. These were the messages to myself five years ago. So incredibly relevant today!

“Find your freedom to happiness. Stand in the doorway of your mind and monitor your thoughts. Notice which ones lift you which ones drag you down. Then, like a bouncer at a party, admit only those on the invitation list and send the others back where they came from. Fate is not a net cast over you by capricious fortune; it is a garden you cultivate by the thoughts you attend to. Shift your attention and you will shift your life.”

So true. I can choose to wallow in self-pitiful thoughts. I refuse. Depressing. Drag me down. Unproductive. A garden of wilting flowers that wither, dry up and die. Or I can choose to lift myself up with happy memories, joyful hopes for a better tomorrow. A beautiful garden that blossoms, flourishes, and thrives despite adverse conditions. Shift my attention, I shift my life.

roller coaster 2“Life is a roller coaster…if you can learn to recognize the lows as opportunities to climb back to the top, you’ll never find yourself “down.”

Get ready for a bumpy ride! I may have hit rock bottom in August, but I am inching my way back to the top. The ride is the place to learn. About life, gratitude, and recognition. Bouncing, racing, plummeting, and rising back up. Over and over again. So many lessons, reserving my seat on a virtual ride. 

  1. The ride starts with a big drop. Always be prepared. The unexpected is in the shadows.
  2. Highs and lows are a natural part of life. My choice: sit back and enjoy the ride or jump ship. (This week is one of my biggest tests. I know what’s ahead of me. I’m prepared. I’ll hold on. I’ll be ready. And despite some tough moments, I know I’ll take the climb.)
  3. I can’t control what happens TO me, but my thoughts and actions control where I land. (Five years ago I wrote: “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The you deal with it is what makes the difference.”)
  4. Highs and lows are not just what happen to me. Emotions, attitudes, and reactions to events are part of the roller coaster ride. (Five years ago I wrote: “A positive attitude can cure almost anything…turn a frown upside down….TODAY!”)
  5. Don’t get stuck at the bottom. Getting out means choosing to see things differently. Stepping out of my comfort zone is my only way out!
  6. There will always be those terrifying “drops.” They are part of life. The way I choose to handle them determines how quickly I rise back up. (Five years ago I wrote: “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.”)
  7. I must be present. Participate. Watching is not learning, growing.
  8. Plateaus are okay. It’s a time for me to rest, reflect, and renew.
  9. Always, always, always APPRECIATE the good times. The bad times will be few and far between with an attitude of gratitude. ((Five years ago I wrote: “While peace should start within and spread outward, sometimes life throws curve balls and it’s the peace outward that determines our peace inward. Today is a peaceful day. Aah!”)
  10. Don’t get stuck in the “drops.”. It’s my own fear, disguised as comfort, keeping me there.
  11. Visualize. A better future. A happy life. A new beginning. Before long I will find myself there. (Five years ago I wrote: “ Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – offer it. Life is love – enjoy it.”)

I think I am ready. A new beginning. A better future. A life filled with love, happiness, and peace. Where’s my ticket? Let’s start the ride.

life is a song

the givers

The Givers

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

DSC_0685Gregger and I had a problem. And we fought about it. A lot. It was the silliest of problems, but we just couldn’t seem to get past it. We were both GIVERS. Neither of us knew how to TAKE. So we fought over giving, giving, giving. It wasn’t about giving things. It was about giving of ourselves. We both wanted to DO for the other. We wanted to do for the kids. We wanted to do for other people. We just didn’t know when to stop. So sometimes it got in the way. We needed to take time, stop, and realize that we were TAKING time and energy away from each other by GIVING so much, too much.

givingKnowing our birth order, it didn’t always make sense. I was the oldest, Gregger the youngest. He should have been a taker. He should have been the selfish one (no offense to those “babies” out there). Being a first-born, I was stereotypically disciplined (better defined as OCD), cautious (to a fault), controlling (I admit to being “a bit”), organized (again OCD), an achiever (self-competitive), and certainly mothering (wanting to take care of everyone). If Gregger had been the laid back, needing mothering type, maybe things would have been different. But I would never have gone for THAT guy! I loved the guy who was disciplined (also OCD), cautious (not nearly as much as me and more daring), controlling (because he wanted EVERYONE to be happy), organized (slacking off big time in the latter years), an achiever (OVER), and mothering (needing to take care of EVERYONE!).

giving 2Some of our spats were over the silliest things. After a long day at work, the mothering side of me wanted to “take care” of Gregger. I loved to cook (in the earlier years) and never minded the clean up. I would BEG him to relax at the table, catch up on his emails, watch TV, sports, whatever, but he could NOT do it. He refused to allow me to take care of him. He had to get up, clear the dishes, clean the counter, the table. It was “his” job. We seriously would argue over this. I was insulted that he would NOT let me take care of him. We would squabble over running errands, doing laundry, so many silly things. These weren’t fights. They were just squabbles. Inane altercations of who could “give” more.

But Gregger wanted to take care of EVERYONE. He took it upon himself to take care of his family, his employees, people he met on the street. Well, maybe that’s going a bit too far. But he was incredibly over-the-top generous. The word “no” did not exist in his vocabulary. I just wanted him to take care of himself in the same way. He was impossible! He actually gave me the gift of a “physical” for himself one year for Christmas. So even in the “taking” he was still “giving.” You can’t fault someone for being so good. For loving too much. For trying too hard. For being so good. For giving too much. Gregger was just that guy. He broke me at times. I turned into the “taker.” It made him happy. I guess in a lot of ways it made me happy too. I learned it wasn’t worth the argument. I’d rather find peace. Pick my battles. If he really wanted to clear the dishes, wipe the counters, wash his shirts, run his errands, I wasn’t going to battle him any longer. BUT. And it’s a BIG BUT. I did NOT want to hear how much he had to do. I did not want to hear he did not have time in his day. I did NOT want to hear he was overloaded. If he wasn’t going to take, he had to own it. So little by little, he gave it up. Not much. But a little. And I got to GIVE. And we got to SHARE. That was the best part of all. 

40 years together is a long time to learn. Learn to compromise. Learn to listen. Learn to grow together. Learn to give. Learn to take. Learn to share. It wasn’t always easy. But we managed. And we got better and better and better. Gregger would ALWAYS be the better GIVER. It was just part of his soul. That’s why I loved him so very much. “If you continually give, you will continually have.” So we continually had. Despite the battles of giving, we had. Love. Friendship. Trust. Respect. Commitment. Communication. Selflessness. Passion. It worked. I miss it every single day.

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happy_anniversary

Happy Anniversary

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

DSC_0532Tomorrow is my parent’s 54th wedding anniversary. Their marriage was always such an inspiration for me. When Gregger and I were going through some of our toughest times, I would spend time with parents to remind me what I wanted my life to look like in 50 years. It worked. Life wasn’t always easy for them. Is it ever? But they made it work. Five kids. Ten year span. Not a lot of time to be “just two.” But they did. Early bed times. Date nights. And when the nest was empty, they were ready. I watched. I learned. I’d slip, but I knew I’d always come back. We’d always come back. We’d be the ones to make it. Just like my parents did. They laughed. Had fun. Enjoyed being together. And always love. Lots of love. The keys to everlasting.

anniversary 3Gregger and I always enjoyed being with my parents. Laughs. Good times. My dad taught Gregger how to drink Jameson. Got him hooked. I loved watching them together. I loved that the four of us could hang. It was almost a year ago that we were together for the last time. It was that visit that Gregger and I vowed to be together for 75 years. We talked about the longevity of marriages in our family. My grandparents were just shy of 75 years when my grandfather passed. Aunts and uncles well surpassed the 50 and 60 plus year mark, living 90 plus years. Remarkable. And none of those marriages was perfect 100% of the time. But they had foundation. Love. And respect.

We had 38 anniversaries. And for all 38 years, Gregger took the day off. We spent the entire day together. Some years we went away. Most we just stayed home. Doing a lot of nothing. Just being together. After 38 (and long before), I realized it wasn’t the diamonds, roses, or dinners that made it special. It was the two of us. It was being together. We rarely went out. We loved staying in. Sharing the night together. I’d cook. Gregger’d have a Jameson. I’d have a glass of wine. We’d toast. Talk. And just be. That was good enough for me. I just wish we had more time.

We talked about our big 4-0 coming up in 2016. I really wanted to renew our vows. We surprised my parents on their 50th with a renewal ceremony in Vegas. It was awesome! The whole family was there to witness this beautiful occasion. They wrote their own vows. So sweet. So cute. So endearing. I wanted that for us. Not Vegas. But somewhere. Romantic. Ocean breeze. Barefoot. Kids surrounding us to witness our forever love. That won’t happen. Life changes.

DSC_0710But I feel lucky. Lucky to have parents who truly love each other. Lucky to have parents who set an amazing example of how to survive the ups, downs, highs, lows, and bumps along the way. It is never perfect. Love is never perfect. People are never perfect. But if you can love the imperfections, the marriage can be perfect. I believe that’s what my parents have. I believe that’s what we had. Lucky. Blessed. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! I love you!

im-ok

I’m Okay

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

being okay 3I’ve had quite a few people ask me if I’m okay since my last few posts. Yes. Life is like that these days. Some are good. Some are better. Some I muddle through. Some just suck. I’m probably more honest than I should be. I just don’t how to be any other way. I never have. My emotions are raw. But exposed. I ride the waves. Happy, sad, angry, frustrated, lonely, empty, melancholy. I have come a long way. I have a long way to go. I am strong. I will get stronger. This is all part of the process. It takes time. There is no timetable. I cannot hurry. I will ride the coaster. I will take the highs with the lows, the ups with the downs. I will experience everything and know it is okay. I am okay. So when I have a bad day, it is just that. A bad day. Or a bad moment. I appreciate all of the people who touch my life. Your touches embrace me. But do not worry. I am okay.

being okay 4Everyone said, “Don’t make any major changes for a year.” I didn’t listen. I’m glad. I couldn’t be that stagnant. I couldn’t just sit. And wait. How boring. I needed to start moving. Explore. Discover. And that’s what I’ve been doing. Baby steps. They feel like giant leaps. One step forward, three steps back. Two steps forward, one step back. It’s all a process. And I’m living it. But I’m learning. And growing. And changing. It’s my only choice. I can accept the sadness, frustration, anger, emptiness, and lonely moments because I know it is bringing me to a better place. A new “better.” A place of peace, contentment.

being okay (1)I’d love to know what Gregger would do. How would he handle this? What if the situation were reversed? He’d bury himself in work. He’d have a place to go. Constantly surround himself with people. Maybe that’s a good thing. He wouldn’t have time to think. Be lonely. Be sad. I’m not sure. That’s my guess. I’m so different. I’m embracing the silence. The alone time. Learning about myself. Where I need to go. What I need to do. I don’t have a choice. I guess he wouldn’t either. So I’ll continue to take each day as it comes. The good, the bad, the better, the great. I’ll keep learning. Growing. I’ll be okay. But there will be sad moments. Frustrating moments. Angry moments. They will come. They will pass. And, again, I’ll be okay.being okay

 

 

letting go

Letting Go

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah

holding onI was reminded the other day of all the times in my life when I couldn’t let go. I was such a control freak. I thought if I controlled myself, my family, my life, situations, that things would turn out the way I planned. I thought control meant perfection. If I let go, all hell would break loose. If I let go, my life would be chaotic. If I let go, my world be disordered. I was never one of those cool moms who let their kids pick out their clothes. Or do their own hair. Clothes had to match. Hair had to be brushed. Styled. Neat. Shoes had to be clean. We had a toy room. They played. And then the toys were cleaned up. There was order. Beds were made. Dishes were always cleaned and put away. I did laundry. Every day. Clothes every day. Towels one day. Sheets another. Order.

letting go 3I wasn’t always that way. At least not as “ordered” and controlled. My room had clothes in total disarray. My closet was a MESS. My drawers were a disaster. I grew up with “neatness” so I think I rebelled for a while. And then the Gregger brought it back full circle. He was a “neatnik.” He loved order. He loved clean. So I learned to love it too. We lived by such routine. Up by the alarm. Morning workout. Breakfast with the kids (when they were school age). Drove them to school. Gregger headed to work and I headed home. Workout. Grocery. Clean. Pick up kids. Drove from school to activities and home again. Family dinner. Every night! Most important part of our routine. Thank goodness we NEVER gave this up. It was time to talk. Time to share. Time to fight. Time to laugh. Time to build memories. We waited for Gregger because this was OUR time. The MOST important FAMILY time. After dinner, the kids scattered for homework, social time, TV time, or bed. Gregger and I cleaned. We couldn’t leave a messy kitchen. It was a sign of disorder. Chaos. Lack of control. So we cleaned. And THEN we spent time with the kids. That was backward. They were doing homework, watching TV, getting ready for bed. What were we thinking? If we died tomorrow would anyone remember if we had a clean kitchen? If our kids had matching outfits or groomed hair? Would our kids remember a clean house or the time we spent with them? We needed to LET GO of what was NOT important and focus on what was.

I am not sure WHEN we had our “wake up” call. I’m not sure WHAT caused it or WHY. I just know something changed. I realized I could close doors and what I didn’t see didn’t matter. The equation was simple. More letting go = more peace, more happy household.  My big job was working on the Gregger. I was uptight, but he was wound tighter. I understood. He had a ton of responsibility. A business. A family. Sending his kids to private schools. Paying for activities. College in the future. Weighed on his soul. But slowly those coils unwound. They were little things. He left dishes in the sink. He came home at night, threw his briefcase on the counter and scattered papers across the kitchen counter. My nerves got edgy. I took deep breaths. I reeled it in. Not important. Let it go. Enjoy the moment. Talk. Be together. The mess didn’t matter.  

life is not perfectAs my kids grew, letting go became a daily lesson. I had to let go as my major role as mom. It was the hardest but most empowering choice I’ve made. Allow them to choose their paths. Allow them to choose their friends, their mates. Allow them to live their lives. As much as I wanted them to remain a HUGE part of ours, they had to go off on their journeys. This was hard. But letting go allowed them to grow. I wanted them to come home when they chose. I wanted them to be with us/me because it was their choice. Not an obligation. So I “let go” every day with the hope that my kids would always WANT to come home again. With the hope that home would always feel like a place of comfort and LOVE. I believe that letting go has given them that freedom. At least I hope so.  

I pushed for Gregger to “let go” when we were in Hawaii. He was struggling. He was being pulled in so many directions. Pressured to get work done. Wanting to be with his family. He knew where his heart was, but time constraints made his choice difficult. So we came second. Kind of. We were so “FIRST” that he worked that hard. If he had that choice to make again, I believe he would make a different one. He would say, “screw it.” This is my time. Family time. Precious time. Time we don’t get back. Ever. I deserve this. But he didn’t. I saw the stress in his eyes. I felt the struggle in his heart. If only he could have just “let go.” So our time was cut short. I felt cheated. Cheated for the years we wasted on inane things. Cheated for the years we will never have together. But I will let that go too. I cannot control what happened. I cannot change the past. I can be present, grateful, and appreciate the gifts that life has given me. And in that journey I will find peace.

As I finished writing this piece, I received my horoscope for the day. Life is just too strange: “Don’t stress yourself out trying to control things you can’t control. If you can’t control them (and you know what ‘them’ are), you can’t control them. So take a step back and then take a deep breath and then let go. You’ve done everything you can do (and you know it), so just enjoy the free time, if you can (and you can). Why do you always have to be doing something, anyhow? Some days it’s okay to just be.”

So for today, I will just BE.

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