balls in the air

“Balls” in the Air

This baby thing is so tough. And I'm not even the one who's pregnant! I'm just the grandma-to-be. Oh Lord! I wrote this in September on a return flight from St. Louis. We are only 18+ weeks in and I am driving myself crazy. Right now I'm sitting on a plane with my stomach literally ready to "toss it's cookies." And there's nothing inside. My nerves are shattered. Ashley has a doctor's appointment and I won't know anything until I land. So I sit here praying. Praying. Praying. Everything will be okay. Good. Great. People tell me I carry too much of the load when it comes to my kids. I probably do. I don't know how not to. I remember when they were little. When they hurt, I hurt. When they were Read more [...]
Letters of Hope

Letters of Hope Continued…

So I’ve been looking back. Some may wonder why. Why look back on a difficult time? Why relive difficult moments? It’s part of me. Part of my life. Part of something I want to share. So others know they aren’t alone. And for those who are members of this “club,” I’m sharing the waves. The highs and lows of the second year. Reality. Feel. Fret. And sometimes fall. It’s all okay. Because at the end of the day, you will stand. On your own two feet. Stronger than you’ve ever been. So we were waiting. And praying. And I was continuing to write Gregger. The words are unedited. They were a stream of consciousness. He was my lifeline to sanity. May 22 Dear Gregger, Today is Sunday Read more [...]
shining brightest in heaven

Stars in Heaven…Shining Brightest

In these days leading up to the "anniversary," I keep going back to the beginning. The moment I spotted Greg. And I just knew. 41 years ago. Bushy-haired guy, beer in hand, hanging at the pool. He never knew what hit him. And it hit him hard. He didn't stand a chance. Locked him out one night. Talked the night through. One date. And the rest was history. Inseparable. Partners. Lovers. Friends. My grandmother used to say, "You need to get down on your hands and knees. Every night. And pray. You need to thank God for giving Greg to you." I resented it. I thought, "What about me?" Shouldn't he thank God for me? Wasn't I good enough? I didn't get it. But as the years went by, I understood. He Read more [...]
Rainy Days and Mondays

Rainy Days and Mondays

Feeling a bit melancholy on this rainy day Monday. I stare at the raindrops streaming from the skies and slip into a meditative state. My mind wanders. Memories drift in and out. I try to conjure a visible future. I'm stuck. I keep going backwards. All I can see is the past. Where I was. Where I still want to be. But I can't go there anymore. I can visit. But I must move forward. I keep having flashes. Of Gregger. His goofy, but loving idiosyncrasies. I miss them most. But they make me smile. My sunshine on a rainy day.   his nightly call to me on his way home from work his obsession with mail, getting to it ASAP when he walked in the door at night dropping his clothes on the floor; Read more [...]
in a cinch

It’s a “Cinch”

I knew I hit the jackpot with Gregger for so many reasons, but what woman wouldn't love a man who loves to clean! This guy was great with a sponge, mop, vacuum, toilet brush, and more! But, his favorite was cleaning glass! He would clean mirrors, windows, tables, etageres, or whatever clear products he could put his hands on until there wasn't a streak in sight. But, he had a science, and you did NOT mess with the Gregger! Always, and ONLY use newspaper...UGH! This left my hands and nails black and dirty. Why not just use paper towels? Nope, newspaper it was, so the job was his! For years Windex was his product of choice, until Gregger discovered the ultimate Cinch.   You would have thought Read more [...]
In The Midst Of Chaos There is Joy

In The Midst Of Chaos There is Joy

My life lately could best be described as total chaos...I am trying to keep the pieces together, but every day a piece of the puzzle just doesn't seem to fit in place. Whether it's water flooding my hallways and kitchen from a broken line in my refrigerator, or pools of blood covering my floors from a bleeding dog, or another dog vomiting everywhere just as I finish cleaning up one mess after another, or the mundane routine of trying to keep bills in check, it's just a little crazy. But, in the midst of all of this trivial "B.S." I was blessed to be part of the "Teen Suit Event" at the Boys and Girls Club of Greater Scottsdale last Friday afternoon. It was a beautiful reminder that none of Read more [...]
Birds In Love - A True Love Fairytale

The Love Birds

  This is the tale of two love birds, a tale of love, loss, and sorrow. A tale of fate, choices, and destiny that reminds us whatever the plan, there is no plan. Captivated by an early sunrise and the quiet solitude of the morn, I was startled by a thunderous crash outside my window. Afraid to look out, I slowly peeked out to find one quail fluttering to the ground in desperation, while another hovered over, bobbing it's head back and forth. I literally felt helpless, but a rush of emotions and memories came flooding back to me. I don't want to sound heartless, but I am generally not a huge bird lover. They kind of scare me. This was so different. These birds were so connected. The Read more [...]