My Best Advice

Year two. I’ve had a lot of time to think. Process. Grieve. But with all of that comes all of the B.S. All the crap I just want to brush under the rug. Make it go away. Make “them” go away. Attorneys. Planners. Accountants. Signature after signature. What the heck am I signing? What the heck am I doing? My brain isn’t even functioning properly. I don’t understand the lingo. H-E-L-P!

So now it’s time to get real. To give you my best advice. Just in case. I know you don’t want to hear it. I know you don’t want to think about it. Neither did I. But, luckily Gregger was smart. He put his ducks in a row. He MADE me pay attention. MADE me learn. Where things were located. Trusts. Wills. Passwords. Names. Numbers. How to write checks. How to balance the books. I know it sounds so simple. So trivial. But if you don’t have a clue, watch out.

Being prepared is a gift. Gregger wrapped things up with a beautiful bow, and, even so, I have had my share of aggravation. Unnecessary distress. Avoidable stress. I promise you, you want to know. So what can you do? Some of you may close this now. Others may be strong enough to read on. Good for you!  

1. Listen. Carefully. I closed my ears every time Gregger mentioned the “D” word. “STOP. Don’t talk about it. I don’t want to hear it. No need to discuss.” WRONG! Listening is power. Listening is learning.
2. Keep things up to date. Trusts. Wills. Estates. Lists. Passwords. Passcodes. Make life easy for those left behind. Trying to recover passwords is a nearly impossible task. Write them down!
3. Clearly state power of attorney and others who may have to make important decisions.
4. Make sure credit cards are in BOTH of your names! Not just in both names, but both people as primaries. It matters. Most of ours were, but the ones that weren’t, OMG! That’s all I can say. Nightmare! Paperwork. Headaches. And endless hours of stupid computer phone calls. It’s impossible to get to the right person. And just when you think you do, you DON’T!
5. If you need to hire an estate attorney, interview carefully. I thought I did a great job. Maybe not. It would have helped if we had one BGD (before Gregger died).
6. Talk about financial planning/planners early on so the one left behind knows where, what, and how to do things. I was LOST! This was Gregger’s area of expertise. I tuned out. WRONG! Now I’m quickly tuning in, turning on, and taking it seriously.
7. Here’s the one you don’t want to hear. Talk about the BIG what if. And what each of you “want” to do “if.” We brushed the surface, but when “what if” happened, I completely forgot. I had tuned out too many times. I just wasn’t sure. And here we were. Miles away from home. But a decision had to be made. ASAP. If only I had listened more. If only we had said for sure. If only. But now, it was just up to me. I had to make decisions I never wanted to make. And I wanted to make the right ones. I was brain dead. But I had to think. Those two things just don’t go together. But if the “what if” were clear, things would have been easier. Think about it. Talk about it. It sucks. But it’s real.
8. Last but not least. Don’t take one moment for granted. Life is short. Every moment is precious. Don’t look back and say, “I wish I had.” I’m lucky. I can say, “We were blessed we did.” All the yucky stuff doesn’t matter. In the end, it’s the love. So take the time. Be together. Say “I love you.” And really live. It will be the greatest gift you give to yourself. Each other. I promise.