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The Monster

“The Monster”

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

imageFear can be a debilitating monster. It can show it’s ugly face at the most unlikely moments, very sneaky and unsuspecting. Your chest tightens, your heart races, your muscles tighten. Your breathing speeds up so much you can’t keep up .It almost hurts. I never thought of myself as a fearful person. As a child I was cautious. I wasn’t the daredevil child who swung from the jungle gym upside down. I tried things, but I was carefully cautious. I was a ballet dancer, a piano player. I didn’t take chances. The “biggest” thing I did back then was dive off the high board! I remember the day I did a flip into the deep end. You wouldn’t catch me climbing the stairs today, much less walk the plank! The thought of the climb makes my heart race.

imageGregger was the daredevil. He had that good boy personna, but inside a little bit of devil was always aching to get out. The gaping hole in the back of his leg…a burn from the forbidden motorcyle ride his parents NEVER knew he took. He loved jet skiing with the kids, riding the waves at crazy speeds while I sat on the shore clenching my jaw so tight I’d end up with a migraine for three days! He loved bike riding, roller blading (yes, back in the day), even skateboarding. He was the “fun” one and I was the “ooh, aah, stop, careful, WATCH OUT!” mom who drove everyone crazy. My biggest moment was in Hawaii years back when everyone dared me to go parasailing. Gregger and I were teaming it, so I figured what the hell. I’ll show everyone! It was the first and DEFINITELY the LAST! My kids thought it hysterical to guide us sky high (as I clung for dear life), drop us into the sparkling blue water (just as I thought it was over), and sharply shoot us straight back up again! Holy crap! If my heart didn’t stop then I knew it was a strong ticker! I made Gregger get me one of those cheesy t-shirts that says “I survived Parasailing in Maui” just so I could flaunt my fearless moment!

imageFear strikes at the strangest moments. Pre kids I was a fearless flyer. Post kids, I am white knuckle all the way. Gregger would sit back, watch his movie, read his magazines, and I’d be clutching his hand, the arm rest, praying until those wheels touched down. It’s all different now. Being afraid has a whole new meaning. I never used to be afraid of the dark. I never used to be afraid to come into my house at night or walk out in the backyard. But, now I do it alone and it’s oh so creepy. I don’t like being afraid. I don’t like jumping when a bird flutters from a tree at night and or something wriggles on the ground, especially when I discover it’s a freaking snake! I don’t like driving into my garage peering over my shoulder, shutting it before the car is off so no one can sneak in without my knowing. I don’t like walking into my house at night and feeling like someone might be there, so I tiptoe across the floor, opening the doors, guardedly peering into the rooms. Then I circle back, grab a phone (just in case) and lock my bedroom door…paranoia?  One night I swore I was going to see feet under my door jam so I kept the lights on and waited. Crazy? No, just a little afraid. I’m not a good “alone” person, but I’m learning. I had the Gregger to “protect” me for 40 years (that’s actually kind of funny!). Just knowing he was there was protection enough for me. Little by little I’ll let the fears creep away into the darkness. I will accept the fear, act powerfully, expect the best and take control one fear at a time. And in the meantime, I’ll keep a baseball bat outside (for creepy critters), a phone by my side (for 911), and good thoughts in my head!

The Handyman

The Handyman

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Fhandymanor forty years Gregger tried his best to be the fix-it man. He carried his handy tool kit around the house as if he knew what the hell he was doing, when, in reality, he didn’t have a clue. I just stood idly by, cheering him on, all the while whispering, “Call THE GUY!” Whether it was a clogged toilet, paint job, tile repair, or something more complex, he thought he could do it all. He would schlepp back and forth to Home Depot, venturing up and down the aisles, jabbering with the employees, sure to achieve the perfect result. In the end, sometimes he won, and other times…well, he called THE GUY! Now I’ve been left with the handy tool kit in hand. Gregger’s got to be chuckling at my inept attempts as I struggle with “his” chores. We often bantered over the fact that I couldn’t sweep worth a damn. He didn’t get my inadequate sweeping abilities, but what did I know? I was raised with an electric broom! Now I’m sweeping up a storm and I choose to believe he’s gloriously proud! Normally I would just call THE GUY, but now I’m googling, youtubing my way to handy dandy. Who would have thought?  I’m the girl who calls THE GUY!

 “When life throws curve balls at you, do not try to dodge them. They are meant to hit you, to mould you and to shape you to become the person you are meant to be. Enjoy the impact, smile and move on.”

So I strap on the belt, pick up the tools and conquer the task at hand!   curveballs 2

  • I’ve become a pro at snaking toilets…no plungers for me!
  • Unclogged a fully plugged bathtub…no plumber needed!
  • After multiple tries, screaming fits, and a phone call to my brother, changed the air conditioning filter
  • Touched up all my cabinets to sparkling new
  • Scooped up dead animals (not exactly fix-it but WAY out of my territory!!!)
  • Changed light bulbs (much more difficult than it sounds!)

And then, I called THE GUY…to paint, to fix the garage, to cut the trees, to do the tough stuff. But, I tried and I gave it my best shot.

home depot

The skies were sunny today but there was a rolling, thunderous noise as I entered Home Depot, undoubtedly Gregger laughing his head off at that glorious sight! All I needed were light bulbs but do you have any idea how many different kinds of bulbs there are? Holy cow! I’d like to call THE GUY to help me out, but there’s only ONE guy I have in my mind and he’s no longer available, so I will keep on trucking and make him proud. I’ve learned that just when you think you CAN’T, there’s always a way to find you CAN! My horoscope summed it best of all:  “the fastest way to learn something new about yourself is by exploring something that is unknown to you. This could be something universally intimidating, like skydiving, but it could also be something that is harmless to many but still a big question mark to you. It can be difficult to accept the fact that you could try something and not succeed at it right away. Check your ego at the door and dive into learning something new about your capabilities.”

WOW! I’m diving headfirst and this time I think I’ll land on my feet.  lady handyman

Life is worth a CELEBRATION

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

happy momentsYesterday was my son’s 34th birthday. As much as it’s a celebration, it’s hard not feel the empty space. Gregger would have made the first phone call; sent the first goofy text. He would have wished me “Happy Birthday” and we would have reminisced over the crazy sequence of events that took place on the day of Ryan’s birth. Ryan wasn’t due until the beginning of May, but I had a c-section scheduled for sometime around April 25th. Gregger went to work as usual and I was off to my best friend’s (Cindy) daughter’s birthday party with Adam. Early in the day I started having funny feelings in my tummy, but just thought it was indigestion. This couldn’t possibly be labor – it was over 3 weeks before my real due date. When I arrived I mentioned the rumblings and timing regularity to Cindy – 5 minutes, 3 minutes.  She urged me to call the doctor, but, being the “wuss” I am, I did not want to bother him on a weekend. I finally relented and he told me to get my ass over to the hospital. It was probably just braxton hicks (false labor), but they had to be sure.

Again with the “wussiness,” I didn’t want to stress Gregger at work, so I called one friend to schlepp me to the hospital and another to babysit Adam. I assured everyone I would be returning home shortly. This was surely a fluke of some kind. Upon arrival I was strapped to machines and tubes. No sooner did they start beeping away than the nurse came in and said, “Honey, where’s your husband?” Obviously I said he was busy at work and asked the all important question, “WHY???” “Well, he’d better get his ass over here because you are in labor and we’re taking this baby in one hour!” What! I had a hair appointment, nail appointment…I wasn’t ready! I wasn’t prepared! My mom couldn’t come to stay with Adam…this was not the way it was supposed to work! Gregger was with a client…well, that was the end of that sale! He actually left early on a SATURDAY – this was big stuff! Good thing –  they weren’t kidding. I was prepped, prodded, and poked and one hour later, I was cut open clean. Ryan Matthew Eveloff was born on April 18th, weighing in at 5 lbs. 13 oz. He was a peanut of a thing, but precious all the same. We weren’t even sure of a name. We had Lindsey picked out for a girl – same girl’s name we had for Adam. We thought about Christian and Bryan, but when we saw his tiny features and big blue eyes, he became Ryan Matthew at that moment. We just knew.

We celebrated 33 birthdays together as a family. There are far too many to recount, but they were all extraordinarily special.

#1: Oscar Taylor’s at Biltmore Fashion Park – carrot cake smeared all over his face.

#9: stunning surprise flying to Disneyland for the day…one of the best of all.

#18: crazy celebration at the house with friends and family.

#33: Ocean Club, our ritual, our favorite.  IMG_1316

Steak 44#34: New tradition, just the two of us. New restaurant, new atmosphere, new memories.

I will make it special. I will always let Ryan know what a wonderful son he’s been to BOTH of us. But there will always be a void that I can no longer fill. We will make new traditions, new celebrations because, in the end, LIFE is worth a CELEBRATION.  life is a celebration

Here Come The Suns

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

imageThe sun is setting early this year for the Phoenix Suns. The final home game of the season – no playoffs and a long, hot summer.  The Gregger would have been disappointed, as am I, but faithful fans we’ll always be. Our loyalty began way back in the early ’80’s at Veteran’s Colliseum when we could hang our legs over the empty seats, relax and enjoy the likes of Dennis Johnson, Alvan Adams, and Walter Davis. Gregger had a close affiliation with the team, dressing the announcers, and  later the coaches, so our boys had the opportunity to grow up sitting on the bench next to such players as Curt Rambis and Steve Kerr. Our Suns loyalty never wavered. We loved them win or lose. There were so many memorable moments…

  •  1976…Calling each other after the tough game 6 loss to the Celtics (I was in St. Louis visiting my parents and he was back in Council Bluffs)
  • Christmas day games when we dressed in our Suns garb as a family, dorky as ever but the greatest fans
  • 1992-1996…The Barkley years when we barely missed a game, so excited to cheer the team onto victory
  • 1993…The NBA Finals. Trailing 98-96 with 3.9 seconds left, John Paxson buried a heartbreaking 3-pointer to give the Bulls a one-point lead – game over! This capped off a jam-packed Father’s Day, full of glory and grace. We raced from Ryan winning his tennis tournament to the Suns and left at 55 seconds to watch Ashley dance in her recital. So we missed the shot. We thought we had won.  In our book, they were still winners.
  • 2008…attending the inauguration of former Phoenix Suns, Kevin Johnson when he was elected as Mayor of Sacramento (Gregger had a longstanding relationship with Kevin and this was truly such an honor for both of us)image
  • 2011…an incredible “cross it off the bucket list” road trip with the Suns to Houston and New Orleans for three glorious days.  suns road tripWOW! Jet setting, schmoozing, sitting courtside, wining and dining…it was purely the ultimate dream come true. Unforgettable, priceless, and perfect!
  • Years and years of cheers and tears, amazing partnership, and comraderie.

We tapered off going to the games these last few years. Gregger was busy, I had back problems, and it just seemed easier to watch the games together at home. But our loyalty never wavered. It always humored me when Gregger started yelling at the refs…”Traveling! Traveling! Are you kidding me?” He would say the same thing over and over again as if it would change the call. We would high-five each other, knuckle bump, and do all kinds of crazy things when the game got close, but it was a diversion from the stress of the day and brought us joy. It was  essential to check out the coach, the announcers, and The Clotherie “goods” on TV – make sure everything was showing up as it should. 99% of the time he was pretty proud. I loved seeing that in his face. I knew the hours, the heart, and the passion that brought everything to fruition, so it gave me a sense of pride too.

imageGregger’s long standing relationship with this incredible organization came full circle on September 24th, 2014. We received a call from the “top” telling us that US Airways was the only venue that could house all of the people who would attend Gregger’s memorial. Not only were we stunned to assume such an outpouring of love, but we were astounded by this generous honor.  So the sun set on my Gregger in the home of his Suns with more than 1000 fans tearfully bidding him adieu. It was an amazing tribute to an extraordinary man. He was honored with his own jersey – #13, his lucky number. I know he was watching that day. I know he could feel the love, the embrace of his biggest fans.

I went to one game this year. I saw Gregger everywhere. I saw his face, I felt his fist bump, I heard his cheers. I love the Suns and always will, but it just will never be the same without my cheer buddy by my side. Thanks Suns for 30 great years…here’s to a better season next year from one of your forever fans!

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The Weekend that Was

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

smallest step

So I did it! I made it through the Vegas weekend…I survived the travel, the memories, and a little bit of heartache. I had melancholy moments, but I also had laughter, sunshine, and joy. I felt Gregger around me, pushing me, encouraging me. He would hate some of the things I did, the way I traveled, but it sort of made me laugh. For the first time in a long time, I was making my own choices. Believe me, I would be much happier with his choices or our choices, but making my choices at this point did feel pretty good. They were silly dumb things, but that’s okay. They were still my choices and I was okay with them.

It took me a long time to be okay with my choices. That probably sounds a bit crazy, but we were young babes when we married. I went from nesting under my parent’s “wing” to living with Gregger. From the beginning he took care of me. I never really knew what it meant to take care of myself. I only knew what it was to be “taken care of” by someone else. So I let him take care of me. I let him make the decisions, the choices, for a long time, until I realized I wanted a voice too. Things slowly changed in our marriage and we grew to make choices together, but early on, I barely bought a tube of mascara without his permission. I just didn’t know any better.  think positively

While reinventing myself this weekend, I relived so many memories. I realized how we grew as individuals as well as together; how our journey gave me the strength to be here today. Suzy and I visited all of “our” favorite spots, but I got better as the days went on. We talked about the past, the present, and the future. My sis was my greatest support and I think I was able to unload a lot of “baggage,”  maybe coming home a little bit lighter.

Nothing extreme, nothing crazy, but I was out in the world, just me. If you asked me five years ago if I could do this, I would have said, “Hell NO!” I would have pictured myself buried in the comfort of my home, secure with my computer and a few shows on TV. I play the role of recluse much better than that of “bar girl.” But for a few short days it was fun to be someone and something else. I could play, I could pretend, and I then I could come back and face reality all over again. I’m ready for the newest challenges…and there are new ones every day.  I never know what will hit me next. I appreciate the reprieve, the fun, and the fancy. Until next time…

moments

Las Vegas Trip

Lady Luck

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

image

I know I have been talking a lot about all of the “firsts” in my life lately, but right now my life is all about change. Generally I don’t do well with change. I am a woman of routine. I follow the same pattern every day, eat the same foods, and am basically one of the most boring people on the planet. Give me a plan and I’m okay, but change that plan, and it takes me a while to adapt. So these past seven months have literally thrown me into a spiral. The daily changes and adaptations are overwhelming, not to mention, the BIG ones – selling the businesses, putting the house on the market, “going out,” and now one more. I am taking my first BIG GIRL trip on my own. Well, not completely on my own. I am meeting my sister (my bestie) for her birthday in Vegas of all places. In 40 years I never did the “girl trip” – I never even did “girls night out.” Gregger and I just didn’t do that. Our time together was so limited and we really cherished our alone time. Even when the kids were little and growing up we didn’t do separate things. We ate together, watched TV together…it was just us. So stepping out to Vegas on my own…this is HUGE!

imageI am not a Vegas lover. We chose this for convenience and sunshine. My sis has suffered a horrific winter on the east coast and the best I could offer for her birthday was sunny skies and sipping martinis poolside. I will deal with the CHANGE and get through another “first.” Who knows? I may even have a little bit of fun. But first I have to walk the memories. The time our plane got diverted to LA in a violent storm and I held Gregger’s hand so tight he had bruises by the time we landed. Or our infamous trip with Ashley and Tyler when I got violently ill (yes, I drank a little too much!) and he dragged me through the lobby of the Palazzo (as I vomited into Tyler’s t-shirt), our dinners at Joe’s Stone Crab, walks on the strip, and cheering me on at the slots. Memories, memories, memories…those memories will be etched in my heart forever, but for now I’ll start making new ones. I don’t have his hand to clutch onto as the plane bounces around (I am NOT a good flyer), but I am talking to him as if he were right here with me – my guardian angel. I am ready to face what lies ahead. We’re going to play some of his favorite numbers…maybe lady luck will roll our way. Here’s to another “first,” another change, and another tomorrow.

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On My Own

On My Own

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Christina-Rasmussen-Second-Firsts-quote

 Everybody talks about the “firsts.” There’s the first Thanksgiving; the first Christmas, first birthday, Valentine’s day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and the list goes on and on. I’m not going to say they get easier, but I’m learning to prepare myself and get through each one with a new kind of strength. This past Sunday I encountered a new “first.” My first “going out event” without Gregger. It was tough. A lot tougher than I expected it to be. To most this sounds like a simple task, but I had to get dressed up without my guy there to put the check marks in all the right boxes. Not that I don’t have confidence in my own taste, but, after 40 years with “the best dressed guy,” what can I say? Debonair, suave, and dashing, he just knew how to pull it together. So, I just sort of depended on his final “you look great!” Makeup, check; hair, check; shoes, check; belt, check; overall, check, check, and check! There were no checks, just a reflection in the mirror fighting to be strong.

I had to get in my car and drive alone. As soon as that first “love song” started playing, I cracked. I should know by now to switch to hard rock! But I swallowed, sniffed, and was determined not to mess up my makeup! I picked up my date – who better than my son, Ryan, to escort me. He was my rock and my support, as well as my friend for a difficult but beautiful evening.

As soon as we arrived the tears welled up AGAIN. Damn those tears! The memories flooded back so fast I couldn’t keep up with them. Our wedding, Ashley and Tyler’s wedding, the two of us holding hands sending quiet messages of love through our fingertips. Pictures…couples please. I’m not a couple anymore. Ryan and I took our pictures together, but my heart was beating so fast I thought it would pop. I’m not supposed to be doing this alone. I’m not supposed to be here without my Gregger by my side. I went to sit down, avoiding the eyes of all those I knew. I was ready to crack at any moment. I sat and peered at the mountains, the sun setting, and listened to the melodious sounds of something quietly playing in the background. I was in a different place. I was looking for Gregger. I was trying to reach him to tell him he should be sitting next to me. He should be holding my hand. We should be doing this together.

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The ceremony began and it was breathtaking. The bride, groom, and decor were stunning but the inspiring message of love and commitment made my heart melt. I couldn’t help but cry. They were happy tears for a couple who were beginning a beautiful journey together and sad tears for a journey that ended far too soon. I learned to stand alone that night. I cried when they called “couples only” on the floor and counted down the anniversaries. We would have been standing almost until the end. But then I danced. I smiled. I even laughed. I made it through another “first.” I did what I thought was “the impossible” because I had been through what I knew was the “unimaginable.”wedding

In The Midst Of Chaos There is Joy

In The Midst Of Chaos There is Joy

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Life is short

My life lately could best be described as total chaos…I am trying to keep the pieces together, but every day a piece of the puzzle just doesn’t seem to fit in place. Whether it’s water flooding my hallways and kitchen from a broken line in my refrigerator, or pools of blood covering my floors from a bleeding dog, or another dog vomiting everywhere just as I finish cleaning up one mess after another, or the mundane routine of trying to keep bills in check, it’s just a little crazy. But, in the midst of all of this trivial “B.S.” I was blessed to be part of the “Teen Suit Event” at the Boys and Girls Club of Greater Scottsdale last Friday afternoon. It was a beautiful reminder that none of that “B.S.” really mattered at all. It put life in perspective and gave me a sense of purpose for a few short hours. This was not an easy decision for me. This was Gregger’s thing. I had to step into his shoes. I had to walk into those doors and not only recall the memories of last year, but actually “be him.” It was one of the hardest things I’ve done yet, but I was determined to do it, not only for him, but for me.

Greg 3I was pretty melancholy on my drive there. A few tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered meeting Gregger in the parking lot last year. He was so excited to be part of this event. This was one of The Clotherie’s biggest fundraisers. Twice a year The Clotherie collected suits, sportcoats, and trousers to send to the Boys and Girls Club for this “Suit Event” for boys to wear to prom, graduation, or job interviews. Gregger was in high gear, dressing boy after boy, making sure they looked stylish, sharp, and dressed to a “t” in their new duds. He was like a proud dad with every one of those boys, and the boys were so incredibly grateful. While I assisted last year, I mostly reveled in Gregger’s passion; it just emanated from his soul.

little thingsBut this year was different. There was no Gregger. It was just me. I had to do this alone. I had to figure this out. I entered the room and tears immediately ran down my face. I wasn’t sure if I should stay or make a mad dash for the parking lot. I saw Gregger everywhere. But then I saw the boys. And I saw their smiles, their enthusiasm. My heart  melted and I felt my lips slightly curving upward; it was hard not to feel the warmth, the passion, the energy. At that moment, I knew I would be okay. I started suiting up the boys, pulling outfits, suits, shirts, and even ties. Gregger used to ask me if I liked this tie or that with his outfit…totally not my thing. But all of a sudden, I was picking out great ties to match shirts and suits and the boys were loving it. I felt like I was on fire. I didn’t want it to stop. The boys were so gracious. They were so proud. I just wanted to hug all of them and say “thank you” for giving me the greatest moment. Whereas they thought I was giving to them, they had no idea what they were giving to me…more than they could ever imagine. I smiled – a genuine, warm, loving smile that came from the inside out. I laughed. I felt happy. This was a good day.

So the chaos was behind me. It was still there when I got home, but that was okay. I was at peace and for a few hours I felt true joy.

Greg 22015-03-27 19.07.07 Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates LOVE.

 

(Gregger and the boys 2014)
Tomorrow’s Just a Day Away

Tomorrow’s Just a Day Away

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

 


strength 6

Sadness has surrounded me this week. Death, tragedies, heartache. A dear childhood friend, a “best friend” mother, and a beloved father were all lost to people in my circle of life. I passed a fresh flower memorial on the side of the road with people hovering by and discovered that a motorcyclist had been killed the day before.  There are no words to express the sadness, the loss, the grief. One can only offer support, love, and friendship. I know this all too well. I also encountered several people, some strangers, others mere acquaintances, who had lost their spouses. I am trying to find the message, the answers, the reasons for so much all at once. There are no reasons, there are no answers, but I do believe there is a message. In conversation with a good friend who was dealing with her own trauma today, the lesson came to me. Life is tough. Life is not always fair. Life is a challenge.

“Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even though sometimes it is hard to realize this. For the world was built to develop character, and we must learn that the setbacks and grieves which we endure help us in our marching onward.”

As I read these words I realize how very true they are. I am not sure I would have completely understood them seven months ago. In the past when I dealt with challenges, struggles, and hurdles I always realized it was to better myself, my relationships, but losing a loved one magnifies everything by tens of thousands. I believe we are dealt a certain hand in life. Sometimes we are given simple tasks and sometimes we are given way more than we think we can handle, and, it’s in those moments that we ask WHY?  Why me? But if I look around, it’s everywhere. Everyone is dealing with something. Some things are bigger, some are smaller, but everyone has SOME THING! I just have to choose HOW I deal. Do I break down, stop, and let life get the best of me, or do I choose to be stronger every day, put my feet on the ground and keep moving? I choose to move..to move towards a better life that offers happiness and hope for a better tomorrow.

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.”  

strengthThe past seven months have proven this to me. Every day presents a new challenge, a new hurdle to overcome, and every day I somehow dig deep to find the strength to get through it. Do I falter, shake, and stumble? Of course I do. Somedays I don’t even want to get out of bed because I am so afraid of what life is going to present. But I do. I put two feet on the ground, take two steps forward and keep going. Somedays it’s two steps forward, one step back, but at least I keep on going. I refuse to give up. Gregger would not want that and neither do I. People tell me all the time how brave and strong I am. Well, sometimes the outside is a lot stronger than the inside, but it’s working it’s way inward. It’s like smiling at a stranger when I least want to and suddenly being entrenched with a sense of warmth and sunshine. It happens. It works. So I practice being strong. The more I practice, the more it sinks in and the more it feels real. I will break tomorrow, next week and probably a year from now, but each time I will be a little bit stronger because I have made it through another day.

 

tomorrowAs cliche as it may sound I count my blessings, I am grateful for the goodness, and I try, try, try to seek the positive in every blessed day. As Annie said, “The sun will come out tomorrow…you gotta hang on ’til tomorrow, come what may…tomorrow, tomorrow…you’re always a day away!”

some days suck

S.D.S.!

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today sucks

What the heck is S.D.S.? SOME DAYS SUCK! There’s  just no other way to say it! Even B.G.D. (Before Gregger Died) I had those sucky days, but they were different. Somehow the sucky days always had a luminous light at the end…I always knew sunshine would walk in the door around 7 pm and brighten my day…or at least give it his best shot. He tried, lord knows he tried, but I could be harder than a brick wall. I had my own PMS…pissed, mopey, and sultry. Whether he broke through or not, I knew he was there.

P.G.D.(Post Gregger’s Death) it’s different. I have to learn how to deal with the PMS and the sucky days on my own. It’s okay…it’s just another lesson. It’s another step toward growing better, growing stronger, growing more independent. I can do this. I can get through the SUCKY days…they won’t get the best of me. I will cry…I will mope…I will be pouty…but I will get over it and move on. I will count my blessings and be grateful. Cliché? Maybe so, but it’s the best I’ve got and it gets me through the SUCK!

And a little love from Lucy doesn’t hurt either…unconditional doggy love! Yes…there is sunshine in every cloud!

lucy