Category: Moving On

6 months - a true love fairytale

Six Months

Mikki Eveloff 2 Comments

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Dear Gregger.

Six months…184 days…4,416 hours…264,960 minutes since we said “I love you” on the Maui beach. Six months since fate changed our lives forever. There’s so much I want to say to you, yet you aren’t here. I miss you. You know that. I love you. You know that too.

What you don’t know is that I get angry and hurt and mixed up and lost. Sometimes I go outside and look up at the stars and think I can see one twinkling so much brighter…is that you? I hate being angry, but sometimes it just happens. People say I am strong. I have tried to be and most days I am. Some days are just harder than others. Six months…this just seems to be a breaking point. I’m not mad at  you…I’m mad at the situation. It sucks that you’re not here. It sucks that we aren’t together…that we didn’t celebrate our 39th anniversary or your 61st birthday. These moments will come and they will go. Life will go on but it won’t ever be the same without you in it. I want you to know that and believe you are always in my heart. You made me a better person. You made me believe in myself. You gave me the strength to get through these crappy days…to know that I could do things I never thought I could do. Sometimes I smile because I know you would be so proud. That’s what gets me through another day. Thank you. You were my prince and this is my fairytale ending. It may not be the happily ever after I dreamed of, but dreams don’t always come true. Mine did for 40 years. I won’t be greedy…some people don’t get that in a lifetime. I miss your kiss. I miss holding your hand. I miss your call each night, but, most of all, I miss that raucous snore that kept me awake for hours. What I wouldn’t give for one more snore.

I hope you are getting the rest you so well deserved…that long awaited vacation. I believe you just wanted it to last a while longer. Couldn’t we have done that together? It’s okay. I just hope you are happy and at peace. One day soon I will be too. I’m getting there, day by day. It’s like putting the pieces of a puzzle together. The corners and outside edges are in place, but filling in the middle might take a little more time. I’ll keep you posted Gregger…we’ll always be in touch!

From my heart to yours, to the moon and back, I love you!

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Hit the pause button - a true love story fairytale

Hit the Pause Button

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

imageI pulled up my TimeHop this morning (a crazy app that turns back the hands of time), and I was slammed with this reminder from 4 years ago…

“Now and then it’s good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy. I think it’s time to hit the ‘pause’ button.”

Rewind to 2010…kids gone establishing their own lives, Greg building businesses, and me, trying to keep balance between it all. Life should have slowed down, but it just seemed to increase in speed…the more time we had, the less we had.  I believe we were both striving for the same goals, the same “end” but Gregger worked his ass off to get there…he just didn’t know how to stop. He had so much passion for his stores, for making them bigger and better and while it took me a while to understand the incredible “drive,” I realized it was better to support than suppress. Whatever we sacrificed in time, we made up in quality because he was happy, but obviously at this time we were pushing too hard. Sometimes I think we just TRIED too hard to be happy and if it missed a beat, we thought all was ruined – what a silly perspective. Life isn’t about being happy for 8 hours on Sunday or 12 days on a vacation, it is about learning to be happy with the ups and downs of REAL LIFE. It’s learning to get through the bumps, the hills, and the mountains… If I had a quarter for all the times in 40 years we paused, rewound, or went back to “go,” I’d be a rich woman. The “pauses” can be the greatest moments in your life…they are the moments to reflect on your blessings…life somehow becomes richer, happier, and more beautiful.

We learned to pause…we learned to stop and smell the roses, see the sunsets, and recognize the blessings even when in overload mode. sunset

I am so grateful for EVERY PAUSE right now.

I reflect on those memories and smile…the pauses,  the commas, even the semi-colons were some of the best moments we shared…learning to love, laugh, and live with all the noise and madness…that’s what made it all worthwhile. Life has changed, but I still pause to reflect and remember…to count my blessings and be grateful…I hope four years from now I am still hitting that pause button to pursue happiness…it will never be the same without my Gregger, but I know he would want me to be happy, and that I will be.
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Hit the Pause button now and then and enjoy the moment! They will string a lifetime of precious memories!

Sunday Funday - A True Love Fairytale

Sunday Funday

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

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 I have a love-hate relationship with Sundays…it used to be my favorite day of the week. It was “our” day together. I would sleep in a little bit (lucky to push past the 7 am mark) and awake to an already sweaty Gregger sitting at the kitchen table reading the Sunday paper. The coupon pages had been separated into piles across my kitchen counter…why he believed I was still cutting coupons, I have no idea! Sometimes I would cut them and give them to him just to make him happy. He got so excited with a Crest or Tide coupon…save a buck and he smiled! My coffee cup was neatly set out on a paper towel, spoon by its side, equal packets and my sugar free syrups all ready to pour…who couldn’t love a guy who did that every Sunday morning! Actually he did that every morning, but there was something about Sundays that made it extra special. We would sit at the table for an hour or so – he would read EVERY page of the Arizona Republic (who does that anymore?) while I read emails, checked out Facebook, and he would catch me up on pertinent news. Then it was onto bills…he’d pay them, I’d watch. Good thing I paid attention in the later years…don’t know what I would be doing right now if I hadn’t. As much as I begged him to sit for a moment or two, he never could until all the chores were done, so off he went to “pick up the poop” in the yard, sweep the patio and front step, and wash down the cool deck. Even on those Sundays when I said there was rain on the horizon and it was such a waste of his time, he insisted…a man of rituals.

We loved our Sunday walks..sometimes it was a hike at Pinnacle Peak, other times it was just a simple walk by Starbucks. We would walk and talk, sunshine beaming down on us and catch up on the week…talk about the kids…talk about life. We’d talk about our dreams, the future, even stupid, inane crap. Sometimes he’d spend it on the phone with his sister or one of our kids, but I didn’t care…we were together. We always ended at Starbucks for “our coffee time.” Maybe 5 minutes, maybe 30, but we still did it..routine. Our Sunday-Funday. Target, Costco, Home Depot…we hit all the fun spots on SDSC_0659unday-Funday…and by the end of the day we were pooped. To most people it sounds rather boring…but we loved our Sunday Fundays…we couldn’t wait until 6:00 when we toasted each other to another happy week together and another happy week ahead. Life was good.

I miss my coffee cup waiting for me. I miss my walking partner. I miss Gregger’s smiling face sitting across from me at Starbucks. I miss having someone to “cheers” me on Sundays at 6:00 to a great week ahead.  But, most of all, I just miss Sunday Funday. I still drink my coffee. I still walk. I still go to Starbucks. But it will just never be the same. I will make a new Sunday Funday one day…just not yet.

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