“I’m strong, but sometimes I break.” Sunday I broke. Sunday sucked! There is no easy way to put it. I tried. I struggled all week long. I prepared myself for Father’s Day. I thought I would be okay. I made plans. I cancelled them. I decided to spend the day alone. It was a good decision. I needed the space. I needed the time. I needed to grieve. It was one of the toughest days I’ve gone through in almost 10 months. Why? I’m not really sure. I was sad for me. I was sad for Gregger. But, most of all, I was sad for my kids. I just couldn’t get over the hump. I cried a million tears. I cried on my way to OT (my happy place). I cried on my way home. I cried every time my phone rang. I cried walking Lucy. I cried listening to some of my favorite songs. Everything reminded me of Gregger. He was embracing me ALL day long. And I was REALLY missing him. My friends and family were AMAZING. I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my circle. The love and support poured through my phone, social media, and the airwaves all day into the night. Thank you to everyone.I had a cheering squad to support my personal efforts. Throughout the day I was chanting, “I can do this. I can make it. I will get through this day. Keep on truckin’.” Minute by minute. Hour by hour. And I did. I was wiped out. Spent. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Day over.
I woke up this morning with a new sense of hope. Today is a new day. This is the way life will cycle. I accept that. But it’s been a good day. Strangers have reached out and touched my heart. They simply stopped to say hello. Old friends messaged with words of encouragement. New friends spent time chatting and sharing. Hope. A bottomless pool of emotional strength. A place to turn when the going gets tough. A place to see the future as a better place. It’s not hoping things will get better, but believing things will be better. Life will always present challenges. This was definitely my BIGGEST. But with a little hope each and every day, I’ll jump the hurdles when I cross them. Because I believe I can. The “firsts.” The heartaches. Just plain old missing Gregger. Hope. It makes me smile. And there’s nothing wrong with that.