Today “would have been” our 44th anniversary. It “would have been” a day we spent celebrating our love for one another. A day together. Because. You ALWAYS made January 10th OUR day. Why the “would have been?” Because. You are NOT here. And. That’s MY reality. For six years I celebrated these occasions “as if.” I said, “Happy Anniversary.” “As if” you’d walk into the room. “As if” we’d celebrate all night long. But. We won’t. Not ever. Reality. It is the anniversary of our wedding day. But. We won’t exchange mushy cards. Surprise gifts. Cheers to the years. Or pat each on the back for conquering another year! Why is this day more important than others? It was OURS. WE chose it. Together. To celebrate. EVERY YEAR. Our love. July 2014 (one month before you left this earth) we vowed to be married for 75 years. We made plans and God laughed. I still believe. In my heart. We would have made it. But those dreams will never be. Things are different. It’s our “would have been.”
In this “would have been” moment I can think of so many things I’d say to you. Today we “would have” been married for 16,060 days, 385,440 hours, 23,126,400 minutes, over 1387 million seconds! We “would have” shared over 120,400 hours of snuggle time, nearly 14 years! Man how I miss those snuggles! I miss your soft hands and twinkling eyes. I miss that silly laugh that made you squeal with tears rolling from your eyes. Days, hours, years of love, laughs, struggles, and hardships. Our journey. Our story. We were so young. 21. Innocent. In love. What did we know about life? Marriage? We learned. And. NEVER gave up. There were moments. Pauses. But. We always found our way back. That was our secret. We knew the beginning was where we always needed to be. Our love. Our foundation. Our strength. Our bond.
We conquered so many challenges. Together. Raising our family. Building a business. Highs. Lows. Loss. But. We ALWAYS knew it was the two of us. In the end. It would always be the two of us. It’s not. So today I celebrate the “would have been.’ Our hopes. Our dreams. I carry you in my heart. I saw your message. #lucy I know that was you. Others may think I’m crazy. Or not understand. But I do. That is MY gift. The BEST gift ever.
Reality. Being a widow on this day sucks. But. I was blessed for 39 years. Some are never as lucky as I was. I’m grateful. My soulmate, best friend, and partner. We were not perfect, but we were perfect for each other. Our journey was one I will cherish forever. The memories are etched in my heart. Cheers to our “would have been” 44! Loving you was the best thing I ever did! I just wish our fairytale had lasted a little while longer…