Tag: memories

new-york-city

NYC…The City That Never Sleeps!

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

FullSizeRenderMay 30th, 2014.

NYC with the Gregger. He was on business as usual, I was on fun. But we always made time in the middle for “together time.” That was the best time. People always asked me, “Did you see this show, that show? Did you go to this museum? Restaurant?” Sometimes. But most of the time we were happy walking hand in hand down Fifth Avenue, through Central Park, or just around the city doing nothing. We’d stop for coffee, a glass of wine. We had our favorite eating hangouts. They were timeless. We were creatures of habit. Some would say we wasted our opportunities in a city like NYC, but we believed we used every opportunity we had to spend time just being. Gregger loved New York. If he had his druthers, he would have moved there. Gregger loved the hustle-bustle city life. Four days and I was cooked!

NYC 3Our first trip to NYC was magical in a unique way. I was preggers with Ashley. I was about five months along, but I was huge. My feet were swollen and busting out of my shoes. But I was determined to do New York right. Gregger did NOT believe in cabs. It was walk, walk everywhere! As much as I love to walk, my belly, butt, and feet were a bit weary after treading the streets of Manhatten. From Central Park, Radio City, Rockefeller Center to the Empire State Building, Wall Street to the World Trade Center (still standing back in 1985), Times Square, Broadway, and Soho we covered as much ground as my preggo body could tolerate. We ate our way through the city. Why not? I was eating for two! Gregger even convinced me to take a subway once and only once! I was terrified and rightly so. Heading to Soho and Greenwich we descended into the Subway. I clutched his arm, digging my nails in with fear. We boarded and the fear was overwhelming. Suddenly some bedraggled guy saunters  through and yells out, “I am not here to hurt anyone. I am not armed. I am not here to harm you in any way. I just need money.” Awesome! He proceeded to rant, walk and beg as I clawed my nails deeper into Gregger’s arm. Get me to Greenwich! It was years before I ever boarded another Subway train!  It was just one of those things.  It was all part of the magical journey.

FullSizeRender_2Gregger surprised me with a carriage ride through Central Park. It was romantic. For the first 10 minutes. And then we looked at each other and were SO over it! The horse poop smell. The slow clip-clop of the horse’s hooves on the pavement. We hugged. We snuggled. And then we were so done. We were ready for food and whatever else the night was going to bring. Been there, done that, over it.

We had so many other great trips to the Big Apple. It became familiar. Home-like. I could navigate without Gregger, without fear. I even overcame my fear of the subway. I cruised that city like a true New Yorker, straight from Bloomies to Saks to Bergdorfs. I  nailed it! Gregger loved sharing the sites of the city he loved with the kids. We ventured out to Ellis Island (in pursuit of our ancestry), the Statute of Liberty, Little Italy, Canal Street, and Chinatown. What a magnificent day! Capturing the world in one big city! We walked from Columbus Circle to South Street Seaport and back. That is one long hike. But there was no other way to soak it all it in! That was Gregger’s way!

NYCLast June was our last trip to NYC together. We stayed at our choice hotel. We had reservations at our best-loved restaurants. We cheered at happy hour. We walked in Central Park. Gregger stole Saturday for Bloody Mary’s and our day in the city. An extraordinary trip and then it was time to head back to reality. Or so we thought. After four or five hours of sitting, waiting, and drinking, the plane was grounded with mechanical problems. While my theory is always “better safe than sorry,” Gregger was slightly annoyed. I figured why not make the most of another great night together. US Airways was putting us up for the night, paying for dinner and drinks. How could we lose? Well, we could. The hotel was dirty. The food was disgusting. And we just wanted to get home! But why focus on the negative? We were together and that was really all that mattered. All in all the trip was full of magic, moments, memories.

New York will never be the same for me. I went back last January. It was cold. Freezing. Sure, it was winter. But it was colder because Gregger wasn’t there. His smile, his laugh, his infectious aura. The retail industry had their own private memorial for Gregger. It was a first. They saved it for the BEST. I’ll go back someday. But for now I’ll cherish those memories like all the others. We were lucky. We had a full life. We really got to LIVE. It was shorter than we hoped for, but what a blessing!

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9 months

9 Months

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

10 (1)Dear Gregger,

Nine months. They say time flies when you’re having fun, but that doesn’t really apply in this case. This is not fun. Not having you here is NOT fun. I keep thinking that it’s just a bad dream and I’ll wake up to see your smiling face in the kitchen, all sweaty from your morning workout, drinking a cup of coffee, engrossed in the morning paper. But you’re not there. It’s still, silent, and empty. I want to call you and tell you things. Funny, sad, gossipy, nonsensical. I just want to talk. I miss my best friend. Nine months. I think about what you’ve missed and what’s changed. It’s crazy! Looking back we managed life as well as any bronc rider, holding on with grit,strength, courage, and patience every time something tried to “buck” us off track. I’m still holding on, but stumbling at times. Unbalanced. My other side is missing.

beachI walked along the beach today. I wanted to hold your hand. I wanted you beside me so we could stroll in silence or chit chat endlessly about mundane events. I see couples everywhere. Young, old, middle-age. I’m envious. I sit at Starbucks, picturing  you  across from me, sipping your coffee. But you’re not there. Nine months. I have some crazy couple sit down and try to befriend me. I channel my Gregger. I’m friendly, social. But it’s weird and she wants to be my new best friend. She shows me pictures of her dog, trip to Greece, tells me about her divorce, and her mother who died. When I mention you, she says, “Oh honey I’m sorry, my dog just died.” Not really sure how to respond to that. I pack my bags and go home to my quiet, empty apartment. I’m starting over without you and I wish you were here, every day.

Nine months. So much has changed yet so much has stayed the same.

Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays keep coming. You’ve missed so many in this short nine months – Adam’s birthday, Ashley’s birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, our anniversary, your birthday, Valentine’s Day, Ryan’s birthday, Tyler’s birthday, Jacob’s birthday, Ashley and Tyler’s anniversary. The world keeps spinning, life goes on, although sometimes it seems it should just stop. But we always celebrated. You wouldn’t want us to stop now. So we keep on celebrating but miss your laughter.

  • I got a puppy. Oh, you’d be so mad. Another dog? I needed her. She’s my best friend. Nothing could take your place, but she’s the closest thing possible. She cuddles, kisses, and loves unconditionally. You would fight me tooth and nail, but you would LOVE her!   IMG_1337
  • I watched my first movie today. Do you remember the last movie we saw together? Me either. It was that long ago. Well, this was a start. Something new. I actually watched the WHOLE thing. I paused, stopped, talked on the phone, played on the computer, and was distracted, but I watched it.
  • “Parenthood” ended. The series. I wanted you there to watch with me, especially when Zeke died. You would have cried with me. But instead I cried alone and thought of you.
  • grey'sDerek died on Grey’s Anatomy. Can you believe they killed him off? It was the shocker of the season. Meredith seems to be stronger than me, but she’s on TV. I’m not.
  • New champs were named on Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, and The Voice. I know. You could care less! You hated reality shows. But I missed watching the finales with YOU.
  • I sold the stores. You knew that. It was hard but the right decision. I couldn’t be you. No one can be you. There will never be another Gregger. So I sold the stores and walked away. I’m sorry.
  • I painted the house. I think you would love the color. It looks awesome!
  • I fixed the garage. It wasn’t the sun rotation after all that time! Can you believe it? What was it? 2 years we agonized with that damn door! It was the spring all that time! Oh well…such is life!
  • houseI’m selling the house. We talked about this for how long? It’s just too much for me to be there without you. I see you in every room. I won’t be moving where WE wanted to move, but that’s okay too. Everything’s fixed now. And the house looks better than ever…it’s just not a home anymore. It’s a house.
  • I rented a place in San Diego…by myself. That’s huge! It’s small and simple but I’m testing out the area. There are so many memories here. Last night Lucy and I walked by the Park Hyatt Aviara. Tears streamed down my cheeks as memories flooded back from the most glorious wedding weekend EVER! Rewind please!

I’ve learned that life is one big lesson. I have opened my mind and heart. I have embraced your sweet soul, your kindness, generosity, and compassion to conquer the obstacles in my way. I have learned to release expectations. No expectations, no disappointment, no frustration, no sadness. I’ve learned to cherish the moments. Whatever they may be. Sometimes I want more, but I’ll take the moments. Because in the end, moments are all we really have. So I will cherish every one.

Nine months. It doesn’t get easier. It just gets different. But loving you and missing you will never change.

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Thanks for the Memories

Thanks for the Memories

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

facebook logoI just wanted to send a “shout out” to Facebook. I look so forward to my memory notifications every day. What was I doing last year? 2 years ago? 5 years ago?  A few days ago those memories brought Gregger to life. I saw him smile, laugh, and dance like the crazy guy he was. Merely 2 years ago Gregger and I were dancing our hearts out in the middle of Ashley and Tyler’s living room to some silly dance video game. We were making fools of ourselves in the grandest way, but why not! It was a room filled with laughter, joy, and an abundance of love. Neither of us got it, but we were game. Anything for a good laugh, especially when spending time with the kids. Special times. Cherished memories.  Today I saved that memory. I can replay it when I need to hear Gregger’s voice, his chuckle, or watch his goofy dance moves. What a gift.  image

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Gregger had a love/hate relationship with Facebook. We used to banter because he was so socially awkward. On one hand he was the nosiest guy. Deep down he WANTED to know, but he wouldn’t admit his deep-seated curiousity. He believed it was diminishing his manhood in some way to commit to the Facebook frenzy. He would constantly peak over my shoulder to see what was happening with who. “Who is that?” “What did they say?” I would get incredibly frustrated by his invasion of MY privacy. Get your own account for goodness sake! If you want the info, hook up! I, or really we, finally convinced him it was a sound business decision to be Facebook friendly. He conceded. The Clotherie was the first to sign. Slowly he saw the benefits and decided it was time to connect with the world. Convincing him to accept people as friends was a whole new issue. He didn’t grasp the concept that he didn’t have to converse with everyone on a daily basis. This was so contrary to his personable nature! Gregger was the NICEST GUY you would ever meet. The guy who sent a birthday card to EVERYONE! The guy who was so connected to his phone that I couldn’t get him to disconnect at night, on weekends, or times we went away. He LOVED PEOPLE! But he was intimidated by this social networking giant. He was proud of every technological advancement he made but he deemed this insipid, trivial, and totally unproductive!

memories 2I can’t say Gregger ever developed a genuine love for social media, but he was hooked in his rudimentary way. He checked in every now and then. He’d complain. But he loved the gossip, the pics, and the news. I knew. It made him laugh. It made him smile. And he learned to LIKE IT with a THUMBS UP!

If Gregger only knew what Facebook has given me now that he’s gone  – oodles of memories that capture the spirit of his presence. I am grateful. I love Facebook. I am hooked. I love feeling connected to the past and present. Thanks for the memories. What a true blessing!

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time is today

Time is Today

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

time2Time is such an interesting concept. When I was younger I believed time was an infinite cloud of dreams waiting to happen. Time was about growing, changing, making mistakes and righting them again. When I was 5, I wanted to be 10; when I was 10, I wanted to be 16; 16, I wanted to be 21, and so it went until about 30. Time never stood still, it never stopped. It didn’t care what I was doing, wanting or needing in my life. Time continued on and still does. Only now time moves so much faster. I think time started racing after my kids were born. I suddenly had this urge  to slow it down, stop the clock, sometimes just turn it back. Time makes sense of our moments. It organizes our life into past, present, and future, but moves so fast that sometimes we miss the most the important part…THE PRESENT. We are so busy looking back or ahead that we don’t see what is right in front of us NOW. Time doesn’t wait for anyone. Time doesn’t let you go back. Time doesn’t give you a “redo.” Time is today.

When the kids were younger time was efficiency. Time was the clock. Time to wake up. Time to go to school. Time for tennis or dance. Time to eat dinner. Time for bed. For Gregger, time was his constant. He lived by the clock. 4:30 am exercise. 5: 30 am newspaper. 6:00 am shower, 6:30 am bagel or oatmeal,  7:00 am out the door and headed to work. Time controlled. Time was flashing, moving at breakneck speed. Time didn’t stop for breaks, but we should have. No turning back. Time doesn’t give you a “redo.” Time is today.

“What is time? Is it the autumn leaves that change? Or the snow that floats from the sky? 
What is Time? Is it the air we breathe? Or the wings that teach the new born bird to fly?”

It used to be family time, our time, me time. It was never Gregger time. Maybe in the hush of the morning hours, but that was about it. He believed “you can’t recycle wasted time.” So very little was wasted. It was all used up. I was selfish. I took my me time. Now I wish I had a little less of that and more of the “our.” I wish I had taken more of those trips to Italy and New York when he begged me to go. But I had “been there done that” and he was busy working. I figured I had all the time in the world to go again with him. I guess not. Time doesn’t give you a “redo.” Time is today.  time

Time has become much more relevant to me in the past eight months. If I could rewind to August 30th, I would stop the clock on the beaches of Maui, rewind and take us back to the condo. I would start that day over. I wouldn’t have argued with Gregger over some dumb bagels that got moldy in a drawer. I wouldn’t have gotten all pissy when we drove to Kaanapali and the beach was crappy. I would have held him a little longer, a little tighter in that last hug. I would have insisted he NEVER go into the waters at all. In the blink of an eye time becomes our past and future. Life changes and suddenly nothing will ever be the same again. Time doesn’t let you go back. Time doesn’t give you a “redo.” Time is today.

“What is time? Is it eternity in heaven or just a hope for peace on earth? Where’s the time gone in a blink of an eye but with every blink a birth.”

Time is now measured in multitudinal ways. The clock moves, days and months stream by. The sun rises and sets, seasons change, days turn into nights, another ball drops in Times Square.  I see my parents and children growing older. Past time is filled with beautiful memories, a movie playing in my mind. The memories flow like a flash of pictures from a fairytale.  I sit back treasuring the show. It reminds me of all the love, happiness, and joy that filled our lives. It edits the “yucky” and magnifies the good. It’s the perfect Oscar winning film. Future time is filled with new adventure, roads left untraveled. But I will cherish the present. The time that is NOW.  I will live for today. I will make new memories. For Time is today.

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chip chip hooray - a true love fairytale

Chip, Chip Hooray!

Mikki Eveloff 2 Comments

tortillas

So February 24th was National Tortilla Chip Day…I discovered almost every food is worthy of it’s own National celebration day, but National Tortilla Chip Day, this one would probably make Gregger smile more than his birthday, our anniversary or the birth of his children! Tortilla chips – even on his worst day, these would make that man smile! Round or triangulated, slightly salty, crunchy, crispy…simply irresistible! Every night the bag awaited him accompanied by his favorite salsa…sometimes chunky, sometimes smooth…sometimes mango mixed or black bean and corn. He munched and we caught up on the events of the day…his work, my “whatever.” A night without chips was a day unfulfilled. Best dinner…NACHOS! He would choose that over rib-eye, chicken parm, or any of his other favs. Chips covered with melted cheese melted the man’s heart (along with a cold Corona Light on the side!).

Follwing an indulgent Mediterranean cruise, Gregger gave up his precious and prized chips. He, along with our son and son-in-law, decided to compete in a weight loss challenge, so he replaced his prized chips with baby carrots…UGH! He was a beast without those chips! Did he really think carrots were going to fulfill the salty, crunchy satisfaction his chips gave him each evening? I do believe it was some sort of stress relief…that chewing, chomping, crunch. I’d trade a little paunch (not that he ever had one) for the joy of his nightly tortilla indulgence.

And that man knew his chips…no Doritos or Tostitos for him…it had to be the real deal! I hit a home run the day I discovered Whole Foods homemade variety. Now, nothing was too good for the kids or me, but, when it came to him, God forbid I went a little over the top! When he saw the price tag on those chips, his immediate response was, “Are you out of your mind? Are these chips made of gold?” One bite in and he was hooked! He would savor those suckers down to the last crumb. If I dared throw out a bag with even a crumb in sight…YIKES! You would have thought I was tossing out the winning lottery ticket! I had to time the buying of these precious bags just right…three at a time so they stayed fresh and then I prayed Whole Foods had stock. If not, it meant schlepping from one W.F. to the next because a night without chips just wasn’t the same…and substituting another brand at this point just didn’t fill the bill. He could detect a phony chip slipped into the bag with his eyes closed. This guy was impossible to buy anything for (Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries), but give him the perfect chip and he was one happy man.

I still have a bag of crunched up crumbs in my pantry…I’m sure they are stale and should have been thrown out months ago…I just don’t have the heart. So cheers National Chip Day…here’s to your chips and my Gregger!

nachos

Sunday Funday - A True Love Fairytale

Sunday Funday

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

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 I have a love-hate relationship with Sundays…it used to be my favorite day of the week. It was “our” day together. I would sleep in a little bit (lucky to push past the 7 am mark) and awake to an already sweaty Gregger sitting at the kitchen table reading the Sunday paper. The coupon pages had been separated into piles across my kitchen counter…why he believed I was still cutting coupons, I have no idea! Sometimes I would cut them and give them to him just to make him happy. He got so excited with a Crest or Tide coupon…save a buck and he smiled! My coffee cup was neatly set out on a paper towel, spoon by its side, equal packets and my sugar free syrups all ready to pour…who couldn’t love a guy who did that every Sunday morning! Actually he did that every morning, but there was something about Sundays that made it extra special. We would sit at the table for an hour or so – he would read EVERY page of the Arizona Republic (who does that anymore?) while I read emails, checked out Facebook, and he would catch me up on pertinent news. Then it was onto bills…he’d pay them, I’d watch. Good thing I paid attention in the later years…don’t know what I would be doing right now if I hadn’t. As much as I begged him to sit for a moment or two, he never could until all the chores were done, so off he went to “pick up the poop” in the yard, sweep the patio and front step, and wash down the cool deck. Even on those Sundays when I said there was rain on the horizon and it was such a waste of his time, he insisted…a man of rituals.

We loved our Sunday walks..sometimes it was a hike at Pinnacle Peak, other times it was just a simple walk by Starbucks. We would walk and talk, sunshine beaming down on us and catch up on the week…talk about the kids…talk about life. We’d talk about our dreams, the future, even stupid, inane crap. Sometimes he’d spend it on the phone with his sister or one of our kids, but I didn’t care…we were together. We always ended at Starbucks for “our coffee time.” Maybe 5 minutes, maybe 30, but we still did it..routine. Our Sunday-Funday. Target, Costco, Home Depot…we hit all the fun spots on SDSC_0659unday-Funday…and by the end of the day we were pooped. To most people it sounds rather boring…but we loved our Sunday Fundays…we couldn’t wait until 6:00 when we toasted each other to another happy week together and another happy week ahead. Life was good.

I miss my coffee cup waiting for me. I miss my walking partner. I miss Gregger’s smiling face sitting across from me at Starbucks. I miss having someone to “cheers” me on Sundays at 6:00 to a great week ahead.  But, most of all, I just miss Sunday Funday. I still drink my coffee. I still walk. I still go to Starbucks. But it will just never be the same. I will make a new Sunday Funday one day…just not yet.

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