Tag: love

A Letter to Myself…Celebrations and Endings

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Dear 19-year-old Mikki,

2013. Your story continues. You will have a momentous year. A year of celebrations. Milestones. Surprises. Lots of surprises. “Remember to celebrate milestones as you prepare for the road ahead.” That’s what you do. You are preparing. You don’t know it. But you are. You are packing the year with joyous occasions. Love. Happy times. Family. Your heart will be overflowing. Bursting. Cherish that feeling. Embrace it. EVERY. Moment. You have. You will know why soon enough.

IMG_0370You will surprise hubby for his 60th birthday. The first big surprise in 40 years of togetherness. And you accomplish this huge task straight from your hospital bed. He won’t have a clue. This is more important to you than anything you’ve ever done for him. Forget how you feel. Forget the pain. Focus on the joy of the celebration. You succeed. And it is the happiest night of hubby’s life. He ranks it with your wedding, the birth of your children, and your daughter’s wedding. You pull it off without a glitch! “Life should not only be lived. It should be celebrated.” And so you do. You will dance. You will sing. Like it’s the last time you’ll celebrate. Life is funny that way. Not really.

Six months later. Your hubby will do the same for you. In a BIG way. You will feel overwhelmed. Don’t. He loves giving. You must learn to take. Treasure the celebration. Surprises. Joy. Embrace your family. Blessings. You see them everywhere. Your birthday is just a number. Your life feels better than ever. And you believe it can only go up from there. Little do you know…  DSC_0453

It’s a wild and crazy year. Hubby is running himself into the ground. You worry about him. More than usual. You will tell him to take care of himself. Sleep more. Eat better. Relax. He doesn’t. He is going at breakneck speed. Sleeping four hours a night. Running the business. Traveling. Being a dad. A husband. Trying to be superman. Do it all. Nobody can. But you can’t tell him. You try.

IMG_1255Vacation. Finally arrives. Family time. Hubby time. It’s been a long time. But he will bring work. He can’t break away. You say you understand. But your heart breaks. For him. You know he is struggling. His heart is one place. His mind is another. You wonder. You wish. But you can’t change him. Almost 40 years. He is who he is and you love him. That’s the best part. So you give him space. For four days. You will want him with you every minute. But he’s not. And days later, you’ll realize it was for nothing. You and the kids spend time at the beach. He will spend time in the house working. He will meet you in the afternoon. At night. It’s not the dream vacation. Yet. And then the work is done. You will have time. Or maybe not.

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You will plan a perfect day together. A fun-filled family day. Load up the mini-van. A beach day. Sun. Sand. Snorkeling. Someone has told hubby about a beach on the other side of the island. He will insist you explore. It’s finally his day. You concede. You will drive for what seems like forever. You will get annoyed. You will be disappointed. You will decide to leave and go back to the original plan. Probably a good decision. Always listen to your gut. Your intuition is 99% right. Go with it. If you would have stayed put, well…let’s not think about it. You will settle on the beach. Finally. Hubby looks happy. But he will have some business to attend to. Personal. Calling his sister. It’s the 10th anniversary of his mom’s passing. He always talks to his sis on that date. She will not answer. He will be disappointed, but he is ready to enjoy the sun, sand, and surf. Snorkel with his boys. You and your girl are going to chill in the sand. He will hug you tight. You will snap it for memory sake. Good decision. He will tell you he loves you. You will tell him you love him too. He will do the same with his little girl. And then he will run off. Snorkel in hand. Grinning ear to ear. You will have butterflies. You want him to have a vest. They won’t be giving them out that day. He will insist that he is okay.DSC_0059

And then you will hear the sounds. “Help. Call 911.” You will not know where they are coming from. You will not realize what you are hearing. But then you will. You will panic. You will run. You will race to the water’s edge. And you will see. Something you never want to see. Hubby’s bathing suit. His face. And something not right. In one moment in time, your life will change. You will scream. Strangers will hug you. Hold you tight. You will not know what is happening. But soon you will. And life will never be the same again.

To be continued…

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letter to myself

A Letter To Me…And the story goes on…

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Dear 19-year-old Mikki,

DSC_0684After many years of building your family, business, and lives together, you and hubby start reclaiming your lives. Your kids will move on. They will move away. Across the U.S. One on the east coast. One on the west coast. One stays put. It won’t always be easy. You’ll want to visit. They’ll be busy. You’ll have grandkids. You won’t get to see them as often as you’d like. Not the fairy tale you dreamed about. They have their own agenda. You wish things could be different. But they aren’t. Someday. You will wait. But your heart will hurt. Be patient. “All things are difficult before they become easy.” They may never become easy, but they will become better. Once again, it’s about expectations. None. So whatever happens, is good. Sometimes great.

You will turn your focus on your hubby. He is flourishing in the world. You are so proud of him. His accomplishments. His passion. You will stand by him. Support him. It’s a challenge at times. You want him to choose you. Everytime. He is so torn. He wants to spend time with you. But the business is booming. He knows he needs to be there. He doesn’t know how to let go. You can’t push him. He has to figure it out himself. But you figure it out. You will learn that support is mutual. The more you give, the more you get. It really works both ways.

yoga (4)You will find yourself in yoga. You become more present. More grateful. You recognize the blessings. Focus on the positive. Let go of what you can’t control. Let go of fear. You break down walls. Your relationships become stronger. Deeper. With family. Friends. And most of all, hubby. Priorities change. You love nice things. But you realize “things” don’t bring happiness. You finally realize it’s not, “once you do or get this, things will be perfect.” It’s living in the moment. It’s recognizing what’s in front of you. That’s when you discover peace. Happiness. And life is preparing you. You just don’t know it yet.

0839Ashley_TylerYour little girl is going to get married. To one great guy. You will be ecstatic after waiting seven long years. It is going to be one of the most joyous occasions of your life. For so many reasons. A fairy tale from beginning to end. You will cherish every second you spend planning together. And the celebration will be overflowing with love, joy, family, and friends. Lots and lots of family and friends. So grateful. A weekend blending two families into one. Another blessing. Not just for the moment, but for years to come.

You will travel more with hubby. And then you will choose not to. Some of these choices will be because you shy away from the social situations. That’s okay. But you will look back one day and wish you had made different choices. Don’t look back. Be okay with the choices you made. Those were the best choices for you at the time. You need to accept that. You were supporting him. You were pushing him to be better. But being uncomfortable was not part of the deal. Your choices were okay. He missed you. You missed him. And when you came back together, things were better than ever.  MR Magazine

Life is going to throw you a major curveball. Something you clearly don’t see coming. After a near perfect year, you will be knocked out. Dealbreaker. It’s a setup. Allowing you to deal with adversity. Become stronger. Back surgery. Nerve damage. In and out of hospitals. Not sure if you’ll ever be the same. Ever be able to walk right again. Sit. Move. But somehow you deal. You realize it could be so much worse. Your life drastically changes. But you see the blessing. More time with hubby. He’s always by your side. Holding your hand. Comforting. More time with friends. You start working at the store. You learn new things. You make the most of a bad situation. And, as with all things in life, there is a reason. God is preparing you. You are learning things you never knew. Because in a few months, you will HAVE to know. You just don’t know it yet.

You will have some incredible trips together. All in the course of one year. Sweden. Paris. New York. Mexico. San Diego. Boston. St. Louis. And one more. Your dream trip. A family trip. Cherish those moments. Every. Single. One of them. They may be the best moments you will ever have together. Hold on tight. You will know why soon enough.

To be continued…

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Motherhood

Motherhood

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

moms 3Being a mom. The HARDEST job on the planet! While I wouldn’t trade places with the top exec of any Fortune 500 company on the planet, being a mom requires all the grit, drive, motivation, sleep deprivation, and more to get to the top of the game. And just like any job, you start at the bottom and work your way to the top. You falter along the way. You stumble. Make mistakes. You’re rewarded with LOVE. Make more mistakes. More LOVE.

Scan 3 (1)I was 25 years young when I became a mom for the first time. Loved being pregnant. Loved being a mom. My firstborn. A boy. I thought I knew it all. I was going to do everything the way I wanted. Certainly not the way anyone else told me to. Of course, it was the RIGHT way. It was MY right way. My mom told me to do everything on a schedule. Let him cry. Don’t feed him too often. I listened for the first week. Then I did it my way. When he wouldn’t sleep, we circled the dining room table singing “Zip-a-dee doo dah” 500 times until he fell asleep. Or we put him in the car and drove for 30 minutes. We prayed as we carefully carried him inside and tucked him into bed. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. The second time around was different. 18 months apart. If Ryan cried, we knew he’d survive. He learned to rock, swing, sit, and wait. He ate whenever he wanted. By then I didn’t care. I cared about him. I just didn’t care about the “rules.” More laid back. He was a better sleeper. More “go with the flow.” But definitely more active. Two boys. Holy crap! The magic potion was getting them on the same nap schedule. A three-hour nap in mid-morn was the ultimate break. And boy did I need it! Laundry, cleanup, food prep, and maybe a five-minute rest. Scan 43 

Four and one-half years later, the princess came along. She was a piece of cake. Either that or I had the motherhood thing so down, that everything ran smoother. Ashley was easy. She ate, slept, went everywhere. We walked. In the stroller, a snuggie, the backpack. She used her “nukkie” for 4 1/2 years until she was afraid my mom would take it away from her. So she hid in the closet and started sucking her thumb. I thought it was cute. Some moms might have said otherwise. I didn’t care. She was my baby. Let her be that way for as long as she wanted. I knew she wouldn’t walk down the aisle with her thumb in her mouth! And she certainly didn’t!

mom 4I tried to be supermom. I aimed for perfection. There is no such thing. No matter how hard I tried, something was going to fall off the tracks. Kids were going to fight. Get sick. Something was bound to go helter-skelter at some point. Keeping it together 100% of the time was a fallacy. So I realized loving, listening, caring, and just being there was the BEST I could do at any given time. Sometimes it was enough. Sometimes it wasn’t. But I NEVER gave up.

I think the most difficult part to digest was when others questioned my integrity. No one had the whole picture. Temper tantrums in public? I was a bad mom.  In their mind. In my mind. They’d roll their eyes, pull their kids away, huff and puff. Bad kids, bad mom. Judgement damages. It took years to walk away. To let go. To know that I was a good mom. My way may not be their way, but that didn’t mean it was the wrong way. My kids were just having a bad day. A bad moment. It happens.

momMy greatest joys and heartaches came and come from being a mom. They say you are as happy as your happiest child. Or you suffer along with their anguish and pain. No words could speak more truth. From babes to adults. There is no time frame. There is no retirement plan. And you can’t quit.

“Motherhood is a wonderful, rewarding, messy, noisy, and sometimes crazy ride, but it’s all worth it.”

  • The joy of “firsts.” First word, first steps, first day of school, first lost tooth, first date, first “drive,” first “win.”
  • The jubilant smiles and laughter that filled the house.
  • Learning patience, understanding, compassion, and the art of listening.
  • Building memories for a lifetime.
  • Creating traditions.
  • Pride in their every accomplishment, big and small.
  • Hugs and kisses.
  • Walking them down the aisle to their beloved and knowing it is the perfect match.
  • Watching them grow from babe to teen to adult with pride. From dependent to independent. And knowing they will be more than okay. They will be GREAT!

Gregger used to joke, “You better not go before me and leave me alone with these kids!” We laughed about it, bantered back and forth. I always thought I’d be first. I bet he would give anything to be here now to watch the rest of his children’s journeys. It still amazes me every day. My kids gave me so many gifts along the way. They reminded me to have fun, taught me to be patient, selfless, and grateful. They helped me realize life is a journey. The road is long and bumpy. But if you open your eyes, open your heart, and open your mind, it can be the most AMAZING journey. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Blessings. motherhood 2

A Utah Birthday Celebration

A Utah Birthday Celebration

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

birthdaysSo I survived Birthday 2015. Family. Friends. Support. Love. Lots and lots of love. From the break of dawn ’til the midnight hour. Texts, phone calls, FB messages, cards, photos, and more. Memories flashed. New memories made. It was a day to reflect. A day to rejoice. I focused on my blessings. Gregger kept flickering into the picture. I knew the moment I landed in Utah he was there. He would have embraced the beauty, just as I did. He would have loved the tranquility. A charming sense of peace.

I went to bed Tuesday night praying that Gregger would come to wish me a Happy Birthday. He didn’t. It was hard to sleep. I wanted my birthday to come and go. Maybe I could just sleep through it. No. We had too much to do. I had to smile. Be happy. Have fun. I could do it. I just kept telling myself it was just another day. People called. I spoke to a few, but more like an out of body experience. We were busy. Perusing Park City. Shopping. Meandering. Lunching. A little happy hour sunshine with the girls. Fun. Good to forget.

Harry 2 (1)Open cards. Hard for people to buy this year. They didn’t want to be too funny. Not too sentimental. Some made me cry. Some gave me a little chuckle. I got it. It was tough. Presents. My kids gave me really sentimental gifts. Touching. Close to my heart. Sweet. Kind. Full of love. Just like their dad. I’m not surprised.

Off to the concert. Red Butte Garden in Salt Lake. A botanical garden surrounded by a beautiful mountainous range. Magnificent. Storms swelling on the horizon. Praying they would bypass the Butte. The winds kicked up. Dark clouds formed. Harry Connick, Jr took the stage. The crowd erupted in applause. The skies opened. The sun broke through. Gorgeous. Captivating. Perfect. Birthday magic.

Harry 1And that concert was sensational. Standards. Standup. Jazz. Big Band. And love songs. Those were the ones that got me. Yep. I looked right into those heavens and cried. I wanted Gregger right there with me. Holding my hand. And then the rainbow appeared. I couldn’t see it. I strained. But Harry talked about it. He kept pointing to it. “Can you see it? Can you see it?” NO! I wanted to scream out! But I knew it was Gregger. I knew he was there with us. I knew it was my birthday sign. And just then I knew everything was going to be okay.

It was a fabulous night. I am blessed with a wonderful Utah family. Lucky to share my celebration with my in-law birthday twin. And so grateful we are able to be together. Thank you to everyone who touched my life yesterday. You touched my heart.

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happy birthday

Happy Birthday

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

60Heads up readers! I am doing my best to keep the positive spirit, head high, and super smile, but this is a TOUGH one! I have been trying to squash some incredible memories. I can’t stop the tears. Happy tears, sad tears, “I miss you so badly” tears. One of the GREATEST weeks of my life. My 60th birthday! A birthday I could barely believe I was celebrating. But leave it to Gregger. He made it over-the-top spectacular, never to be forgotten. As they say in the movies (well kind of), “Thank God we had 60!” One year ago. And in that short time, life changed. I want to go back. I want a redo. I want him here to celebrate.

Gregger had a whirlwind trip in New York to make it home in time for my birthday, so just having him there was enough for me. I thought we were going to spend a quiet day together. A walk. Starbucks. Pedis. Gregger had never had one. He hated people touching his feet. But he was going to do it for MY birthday. I was shocked. Little did I know we’d never make it there. He had far more up his sleeve.

IMG_0014It started on Saturday. I was running errands, catching up before he came home on Monday. My sister-in-law called and said they wanted to stop by with my present as they were going to be away on my actual birthday. No big. Of course. While I was trying to downplay this momentous milestone, everyone else was playing it up BIG! There was no escape! A few minutes later they showed up at my door singing “Happy Birthday.” But standing in the background was my sister, Suzy, from NEW YORK! Surprise #1! We had just texted several hours earlier and were planning to catch up later in the day. I had NO CLUE!

Several weeks prior I had been on the phone with Suzy chatting about the “Move Live On Tour” Show with Julianne and Derek Hough. It was going to be in Phoenix on my birthday. Ticket prices were sky high and with Gregger in NYC it was off my radar. But Surprise #2 was a doozy…my family, along with Gregger, scored front row seats (1 and 2)! Really? This was almost too much and it wasn’t even my birthday yet! Amazing show, fantastic night. The only thing missing was the Gregger beside me to share the energy, the love, the celebration. But he was on his way.

DSC_0528Monday was finally here and Gregger was on his way back from NYC. I was so anxious to see him. He had only been gone a week but it seemed like forever! I hated getting the party started without him. It was time for him to join in the fun. The only thing that would have made my birthday perfect was having Ashley, Tyler, and Bella in tow. Unfortunately (or fortunately for his family) they were celebrating with Jeff (Tyler’s dad) who shares my birthday. It’s only fair that we take turns, so I was more than okay with this plan. I figured next year might be mine. I had spoken to Ashley several times during the day. She was feeling pretty bad. I kept reassuring her she was doing the right thing. My last conversation ended as they were getting ready to have lunch with Jeff to start his celebration. Yeah, Jeff! So after Suzy and I filled our day trying to get my stupid phone replaced (lots of aggravation), I was ready for a happy hour celebration with friends. Fate must have stepped in. I had no cell service. So Suzy was on call. She played me good. She told me Gregger texted her from the air and said his plane was circling. It was going to be late. I thought it was coming in early. Why not believe her? I had no reason not to. Drink on. We finally headed for the airport. Then it was time to sit and wait. Cell phone lot. What the heck? I thought he was in. Guess not. We circled around and saw him heading to the car. YEAH! Time to get this party started! I practically jumped into his arms! I was overcome with joy. Suddenly he said he forgot a package inside. Needed to go back to get it. Greg? He doesn’t forget. Ever. I was baffled. But I waited. And as he walked back out, nothing in hand, a trail of three beautiful figures was behind him. Ashley, Tyler, and Bella. OMG! I screamed. I jumped. I clapped. I was overjoyed. Surprise #3! It couldn’t get better than this!

DSC_0421But it could. We walked into the house and the kitchen was blooming with a bouquet of 60 birthday balloons. Magnificent! How did he pull that one off? Magical. Extraordinary. Gregger. We capped off the night with cheers, laughter, and lots of love. LOTS OF LOVE. Before bed I was instructed: be ready by 9:30. Wear a bathing suit. No questions. Just be ready. Okay. No idea. But I’ll go with it. I was in my happiest place. With my happiest people. My family.

Birthday. Lots of wishes. Phone calls. Texts. Facebook messages. It felt good. I felt good. A dear friend and her daughter stopped by with flowers and gifts. Ryan stopped by. He had to work. He was saving his time off for Hawaii. I begged him to. That was way more important than my birthday. We would celebrate over the weekend together. He was okay with that. Or so I thought. He greeted everyone. Hugged me tight. Suddenly he said, “Oh mom. I think there are some flowers for you by the front door.” Without a thought, I meandered to the door and flung it open. No flowers. But the BEST surprise EVER. My parents. With birthday wish signs in hand. Surprise #4! I cried. I almost fell over. I really couldn’t believe this one. Flying in from St. Louis to celebrate with me. This was just over the top special. This day just couldn’t get any better. But it did.

DSC_0468Surprise #5: Ryan was off for the day. Spending it with all of us. Surprise #6: We loaded up the car and headed out. I had no clue where we were going until we arrived at Talking Stick Casino. Gregger had rented a cabana for the day. What a blast. Our own cabana boy. Food, drinks, TV, and a pool practically to ourselves. Gregger was not a pool or sun lover so this was for me. And boy did we have fun! Just lounging in the pool. Chilling our bodies from a hot AZ day. Nothing could be more perfect than hanging with the people I love. Capped it off with a little gambling. Nothing crazy. I hate throwing Gregger’s hard earned cash away. So home we headed. The celebration was still underway.

DSC_0565Showers. Dress. Present time. Pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Good thing. Memories captured for a lifetime. And then we were off again. While it was supposed to be a surprise, I was pretty sure I could guess this one. I was right. Ocean Club. Best food in AZ. Best atmosphere. Best night ever. Perfection. No words. Just love, laughter, family, and good old-fashioned FUN. SIXTY never felt better. This one was for the history books. Cloud nine. Reeling for weeks. Don’t ever let me come down.

One year later. No Gregger. No surprises. It will be hard. There’s no way around it. My toughest 1st yet. He just made it that special. He made me feel that special. Sometimes I wish he hadn’t. But I’m lucky. I have an incredible second family. A family to share my birthday with in a big way. So we are off to Utah. Off to celebrate Keena and Jeff. It’s their special year. We’ll celebrate them. I’ll hold onto the memories of last year. I’ll feel Gregger with me. I’ll wait for the sign. And I’ll cherish the love, laughter, and joy of a beautiful family. Grateful for life’s blessings once again.

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Life is a Roller Coaster

Life is a Roller Coaster

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

shift attentionThese last few weeks I have been reminded of things I “posted” five years. I do not recall the “whys” behind these words, but in the wake of my present situation, they are so profound. In some ways, I believe whatever was happening was an awakening, a rehearsal for today. Something brought me to a state of awareness. Recognition of gratitude. Emotions. Attitude. This did not happen by chance. Because today I understand. I accept. And I’m grateful. These were the messages to myself five years ago. So incredibly relevant today!

“Find your freedom to happiness. Stand in the doorway of your mind and monitor your thoughts. Notice which ones lift you which ones drag you down. Then, like a bouncer at a party, admit only those on the invitation list and send the others back where they came from. Fate is not a net cast over you by capricious fortune; it is a garden you cultivate by the thoughts you attend to. Shift your attention and you will shift your life.”

So true. I can choose to wallow in self-pitiful thoughts. I refuse. Depressing. Drag me down. Unproductive. A garden of wilting flowers that wither, dry up and die. Or I can choose to lift myself up with happy memories, joyful hopes for a better tomorrow. A beautiful garden that blossoms, flourishes, and thrives despite adverse conditions. Shift my attention, I shift my life.

roller coaster 2“Life is a roller coaster…if you can learn to recognize the lows as opportunities to climb back to the top, you’ll never find yourself “down.”

Get ready for a bumpy ride! I may have hit rock bottom in August, but I am inching my way back to the top. The ride is the place to learn. About life, gratitude, and recognition. Bouncing, racing, plummeting, and rising back up. Over and over again. So many lessons, reserving my seat on a virtual ride. 

  1. The ride starts with a big drop. Always be prepared. The unexpected is in the shadows.
  2. Highs and lows are a natural part of life. My choice: sit back and enjoy the ride or jump ship. (This week is one of my biggest tests. I know what’s ahead of me. I’m prepared. I’ll hold on. I’ll be ready. And despite some tough moments, I know I’ll take the climb.)
  3. I can’t control what happens TO me, but my thoughts and actions control where I land. (Five years ago I wrote: “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The you deal with it is what makes the difference.”)
  4. Highs and lows are not just what happen to me. Emotions, attitudes, and reactions to events are part of the roller coaster ride. (Five years ago I wrote: “A positive attitude can cure almost anything…turn a frown upside down….TODAY!”)
  5. Don’t get stuck at the bottom. Getting out means choosing to see things differently. Stepping out of my comfort zone is my only way out!
  6. There will always be those terrifying “drops.” They are part of life. The way I choose to handle them determines how quickly I rise back up. (Five years ago I wrote: “Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.”)
  7. I must be present. Participate. Watching is not learning, growing.
  8. Plateaus are okay. It’s a time for me to rest, reflect, and renew.
  9. Always, always, always APPRECIATE the good times. The bad times will be few and far between with an attitude of gratitude. ((Five years ago I wrote: “While peace should start within and spread outward, sometimes life throws curve balls and it’s the peace outward that determines our peace inward. Today is a peaceful day. Aah!”)
  10. Don’t get stuck in the “drops.”. It’s my own fear, disguised as comfort, keeping me there.
  11. Visualize. A better future. A happy life. A new beginning. Before long I will find myself there. (Five years ago I wrote: “ Life is a song – sing it. Life is a game – play it. Life is a challenge – meet it. Life is a dream – realize it. Life is a sacrifice – offer it. Life is love – enjoy it.”)

I think I am ready. A new beginning. A better future. A life filled with love, happiness, and peace. Where’s my ticket? Let’s start the ride.

life is a song

the givers

The Givers

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

DSC_0685Gregger and I had a problem. And we fought about it. A lot. It was the silliest of problems, but we just couldn’t seem to get past it. We were both GIVERS. Neither of us knew how to TAKE. So we fought over giving, giving, giving. It wasn’t about giving things. It was about giving of ourselves. We both wanted to DO for the other. We wanted to do for the kids. We wanted to do for other people. We just didn’t know when to stop. So sometimes it got in the way. We needed to take time, stop, and realize that we were TAKING time and energy away from each other by GIVING so much, too much.

givingKnowing our birth order, it didn’t always make sense. I was the oldest, Gregger the youngest. He should have been a taker. He should have been the selfish one (no offense to those “babies” out there). Being a first-born, I was stereotypically disciplined (better defined as OCD), cautious (to a fault), controlling (I admit to being “a bit”), organized (again OCD), an achiever (self-competitive), and certainly mothering (wanting to take care of everyone). If Gregger had been the laid back, needing mothering type, maybe things would have been different. But I would never have gone for THAT guy! I loved the guy who was disciplined (also OCD), cautious (not nearly as much as me and more daring), controlling (because he wanted EVERYONE to be happy), organized (slacking off big time in the latter years), an achiever (OVER), and mothering (needing to take care of EVERYONE!).

giving 2Some of our spats were over the silliest things. After a long day at work, the mothering side of me wanted to “take care” of Gregger. I loved to cook (in the earlier years) and never minded the clean up. I would BEG him to relax at the table, catch up on his emails, watch TV, sports, whatever, but he could NOT do it. He refused to allow me to take care of him. He had to get up, clear the dishes, clean the counter, the table. It was “his” job. We seriously would argue over this. I was insulted that he would NOT let me take care of him. We would squabble over running errands, doing laundry, so many silly things. These weren’t fights. They were just squabbles. Inane altercations of who could “give” more.

But Gregger wanted to take care of EVERYONE. He took it upon himself to take care of his family, his employees, people he met on the street. Well, maybe that’s going a bit too far. But he was incredibly over-the-top generous. The word “no” did not exist in his vocabulary. I just wanted him to take care of himself in the same way. He was impossible! He actually gave me the gift of a “physical” for himself one year for Christmas. So even in the “taking” he was still “giving.” You can’t fault someone for being so good. For loving too much. For trying too hard. For being so good. For giving too much. Gregger was just that guy. He broke me at times. I turned into the “taker.” It made him happy. I guess in a lot of ways it made me happy too. I learned it wasn’t worth the argument. I’d rather find peace. Pick my battles. If he really wanted to clear the dishes, wipe the counters, wash his shirts, run his errands, I wasn’t going to battle him any longer. BUT. And it’s a BIG BUT. I did NOT want to hear how much he had to do. I did not want to hear he did not have time in his day. I did NOT want to hear he was overloaded. If he wasn’t going to take, he had to own it. So little by little, he gave it up. Not much. But a little. And I got to GIVE. And we got to SHARE. That was the best part of all. 

40 years together is a long time to learn. Learn to compromise. Learn to listen. Learn to grow together. Learn to give. Learn to take. Learn to share. It wasn’t always easy. But we managed. And we got better and better and better. Gregger would ALWAYS be the better GIVER. It was just part of his soul. That’s why I loved him so very much. “If you continually give, you will continually have.” So we continually had. Despite the battles of giving, we had. Love. Friendship. Trust. Respect. Commitment. Communication. Selflessness. Passion. It worked. I miss it every single day.

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happy_anniversary

Happy Anniversary

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

DSC_0532Tomorrow is my parent’s 54th wedding anniversary. Their marriage was always such an inspiration for me. When Gregger and I were going through some of our toughest times, I would spend time with parents to remind me what I wanted my life to look like in 50 years. It worked. Life wasn’t always easy for them. Is it ever? But they made it work. Five kids. Ten year span. Not a lot of time to be “just two.” But they did. Early bed times. Date nights. And when the nest was empty, they were ready. I watched. I learned. I’d slip, but I knew I’d always come back. We’d always come back. We’d be the ones to make it. Just like my parents did. They laughed. Had fun. Enjoyed being together. And always love. Lots of love. The keys to everlasting.

anniversary 3Gregger and I always enjoyed being with my parents. Laughs. Good times. My dad taught Gregger how to drink Jameson. Got him hooked. I loved watching them together. I loved that the four of us could hang. It was almost a year ago that we were together for the last time. It was that visit that Gregger and I vowed to be together for 75 years. We talked about the longevity of marriages in our family. My grandparents were just shy of 75 years when my grandfather passed. Aunts and uncles well surpassed the 50 and 60 plus year mark, living 90 plus years. Remarkable. And none of those marriages was perfect 100% of the time. But they had foundation. Love. And respect.

We had 38 anniversaries. And for all 38 years, Gregger took the day off. We spent the entire day together. Some years we went away. Most we just stayed home. Doing a lot of nothing. Just being together. After 38 (and long before), I realized it wasn’t the diamonds, roses, or dinners that made it special. It was the two of us. It was being together. We rarely went out. We loved staying in. Sharing the night together. I’d cook. Gregger’d have a Jameson. I’d have a glass of wine. We’d toast. Talk. And just be. That was good enough for me. I just wish we had more time.

We talked about our big 4-0 coming up in 2016. I really wanted to renew our vows. We surprised my parents on their 50th with a renewal ceremony in Vegas. It was awesome! The whole family was there to witness this beautiful occasion. They wrote their own vows. So sweet. So cute. So endearing. I wanted that for us. Not Vegas. But somewhere. Romantic. Ocean breeze. Barefoot. Kids surrounding us to witness our forever love. That won’t happen. Life changes.

DSC_0710But I feel lucky. Lucky to have parents who truly love each other. Lucky to have parents who set an amazing example of how to survive the ups, downs, highs, lows, and bumps along the way. It is never perfect. Love is never perfect. People are never perfect. But if you can love the imperfections, the marriage can be perfect. I believe that’s what my parents have. I believe that’s what we had. Lucky. Blessed. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! I love you!

Memories are worth a thousand words

A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

me and greg (1)Some people collect expensive antiques or art; others collect stamps, coins, trading cards, or other miscellaneous items. I started collecting when my kids were born. I believe I was protesting my mom’s disregard for our “valuables.” She loved to clean out, get rid of the old. Her rule of thumb, “If you haven’t used it in a year, get rid of it!” Well, I hoarded quite a few collections in the growing years. The boys began with He-Man. At one time Castle Grayskull took over my family room invaded with the likes of Skeletor, Keldor, Prince Adam and their comrades. With two boys eighteen months apart, I couldn’t just buy one of everything. I had to buy in multiples. Then it was transformers, a variety of mini vehicles that “transformed” into robotic figures. The trends swooped in like a raging storm and as soon as the collection was filling itself, it was dead, kaput, washed up. So I was stockpiling a treasure trove of timeworn superheroes while the boys were moving on to bigger and better collections.

 transformers    “A camera is a SAVE button for the mind’s eye.”

Gregger got into the next game. Baseball cards. Now this was something he could wrap his head around. Of course it made sense to spend $$$ on signed cards that would be invaluable some day. Boxes and boxes of cards. Individual cards. Signed cards. Unsigned cards. Some framed for posterity, others stashed in notebooks or thrown haphazardly in boxes. This progressed into balls, jerseys, and other sports memorabilia from all arenas until we were overflowing. Collections of wishes fulfilled, some for the young, some for the old.  baseball cards

beaniesI was crazed with collection fever when Ashley was born. From stuffed animals to Madam Alexander dolls, Barbies, Care Bears, My Little Ponies, Ferbies (still in the box) and the ultimate Beanie Babies. If truth be told, I think the collections were more for me than Ashley! A long lost yearning. I would hunt down those Beanies like they were gold, paying top dollar for far too many. Gregger loved to raz, “You’re going to sell those to pay for her college education, right?” I don’t think they would have covered the cost of books for a semester.  Now thousands of beanies are neatly packed away in bins (yes, that is multiple!), plastic bags, and other storage units waiting to be passed down to the next generation. So much for priceless collections! Collections of wishes fulfilled, some for the young, some for the old.

“Life is like pictures. You can look back on the moments. But you can never recapture them.”

So while I was busy collecting useless toys, Gregger loved collecting boxes, wires and remotes. Lots of them. The guy couldn’t throw a box away. If it came in a box, he saved it. If it came with wires or remote, he stashed it for “just in case moments.” But when technology moves on, those “things” becomes extinct. Not in our house!  We have more empty boxes than junk! Boxes for computers, printers, phones, tvs and other electronics that are long gone. Half of the stores are out of business. We have wires with plugs that don’t go to ANYTHING and remotes that are ancient beyond recognition. So I gathered my courage, piled everything in a big garbage bag, said a silent prayer, and tossed it! Good riddance to good rubbish! This was one collection I could live without. Sorry Gregger!

pictures 4 (1)While my collective obsessions became a little more refined over the years, my collection of MEMORIES is the one I cherish most. While I attribute my brown hair, blue eyes, and shorter than desired height to my ancestors, I believe I inherited the “picture” gene from my mother. Never heard of it? It’s the uncontrollable urge to carry a camera everywhere. It’s never missing an occasion, a moment. It’s capturing EVERYTHING on film, disc, or video. It’s having those you’re photographing give you “the finger,” turn their backs, or walk away because they are so sick of your constant snapping. But it’s a collection of LIFETIME MOMENTS, MEMORIES that can never be relived again, except through photographs. Pictures not only capture experiences, but moods. They seize a sparkling smile or sullen scowl. They are pieces of a life puzzle, jigsawed together in captured moments. Photographs are everlasting. The edges may fray, curl and yellow, but the image is embedded for memories sake. Timeless. Priceless. Memories. Etched in our hearts. Etched in our minds.

“I was looking at the photographs and I started thinking that there was a time when these weren’t memories.”

I am so grateful for the gift of the “picture gene.” Especially today, especially in these moments. Photographs and memories are my lifeline to Gregger. Without them, memories could fade. With them, memories are ALIVE, colorful and bright. A picture is worth far more than a thousand words. It’s worth everything we shared together. Magic moments captured in time. Magic moments hung on walls, pasted in books, and embedded in clouds. These are the collections I will treasure forever. Priceless.

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happy fathers day

Happy Father’s Day Gregger!

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

dadFor the past several weeks, I have been inundated with Father’s Day ads, exhibits, and displays. Mugs, t-shirts, boxers, baskets, barbeque sets, and beer steins stock shelves beckoning buyers to honor husbands, fathers, and grandpas everywhere. I walk by and feel sad. Another first in the year of “firsts.” Father’s Day was one of the ONLY days we could force Gregger to TAKE instead of GIVE. It was OUR day. We got to shower him. We got to make him our center of attention. We LOVED it! He couldn’t argue. He just had to sit back and TAKE it! Believe me, it was NOT easy. He just hated being “it.” Gifts were impossible. What could you possibly buy the guy who (a) owned a clothing store with everything from underwear to tuxedoes (b) didn’t WANT anyone spending money on HIM and (c) returned most everything anyway? Once his cabinets and drawers were overflowing with #1 Dad coffee mugs, BEST DAD t-shirts, and “I Love You Dad” picture frames, we were at a loss. His favorite gift – spending the day with his family. No fighting. No hassles. No conflict. He wanted nothing more. That was it. Simple. Free. In the early years, we did brunch, bike rides, pool time. As the kids grew, we were busy with tennis tournaments, dance recitals, and social events. All good. Happy times. Scan 12

Father's Day pics 3It would have been the two of us (well, maybe three) this year for Father’s Day. But he would have been home.  That sounds strange, but for the past three years he was high in the skies traveling to Florence, Italy. It was the bi-annual event for Pitti Uomo, the largest international fashion fair for men’s clothing, where designers launch new collections and projects. Gregger loved attending Pitti. He loved Florence. He loved the camaraderie with his retail brothers. But he hated the timing. Even with our kids grown and “gone,” holidays were a big deal for us. I was the one who pushed him to go. I knew how much he loved being there. For three years, we argued. For three years, I won. That was miraculous. Looking back now I wish I had said, “yes” to joining him. But I didn’t. I stayed home. Alone. Why? I had been there, done that. I didn’t need to keep going back. He was busy. I was bored. This was my year to go. We always added something special. One year Venice. Another Tuscany. Another Lake Como. We hadn’t decided yet. It was too far out. Plenty of time to plan. Well, maybe not.

IMG_0398So Father’s Day is very different this year. I’m lucky to have MY 92-year dad. Amazing! Sharp as a tack. Witty. Smart. Remarkable! Gregger loved my dad. They had such a beautiful rapport. Conversation. Laughter. More conversation. More laughter. I cherished those moments. My two favorite guys. The one who raised me and the one who helped me grow.

Father's Day pics 2I know my kids are missing their dad this year. He was truly the BEST. A mentor. A friend. He listened. He cared. He loved unconditionally. He was there. But we are all better people because he showed us the way. Happy Father’s Day Gregger!  I miss you every day! And I will love you forever!

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