On Being Strong…The Long Ride

“When times get tough, the key is not to stay strong…the key is to stay grateful.”

In a moment, gratitude was my only choice. I focused on the blessings. The life we had together. Almost 40 years. Our kids. Our true blessings. It was time to go. Time to say goodbye. I didn’t know if I could do it. I wanted to stay forever. To be with him. We went to the beach. One last time. We wrote letters. Buried them in the deep blue water. He would see them. Feel them.  We held hands. Hugged. Embraced in strength. A powerful force. We watched the sunset. We watched the sunrise. One last time. I’d be back. Someday. But Gregger was with me. Giving me courage. Strength.

Now came the test. Fly home as a widow. No one to hold my hand when the air got choppy. No one to lean on when my eyes got weary. Or not the one I thought would always be there. I leaned against the glass. I opened and closed my fist. I reached for his hand. I never slept. A single tear slipped down my face. I wiped it quickly. I did not want my kids to see. No fear. Be strong. Courageous. I could do this. Gregger was with me. He would guide me. Six hours later we were home. A new chapter had begun.

First step. Getting into Gregger’s car. His smell. His things. Sunglass case. Suit rack. Meticulous. He should be driving. He should be taking us home. But he wasn’t there. We were going alone. We could do this. It would be okay. And as we drove up to the house, my heart was pounding. Out of my chest. And then I saw. My brother. Standing by the garage. I was so grateful. Another blessing. Family. Love. Strength. He was my pillar. He would take us home. Into our home. We would not have to be alone. We would be okay.

I buried my head in his shoulders. I sobbed. But, in that moment, I felt strong. He was there to comfort. Support. And guide me. Forever grateful.

To be continued…