Yesterday was my son’s 34th birthday. As much as it’s a celebration, it’s hard not feel the empty space. Gregger would have made the first phone call; sent the first goofy text. He would have wished me “Happy Birthday” and we would have reminisced over the crazy sequence of events that took place on the day of Ryan’s birth. Ryan wasn’t due until the beginning of May, but I had a c-section scheduled for sometime around April 25th. Gregger went to work as usual and I was off to my best friend’s (Cindy) daughter’s birthday party with Adam. Early in the day I started having funny feelings in my tummy, but just thought it was indigestion. This couldn’t possibly be labor – it was over 3 weeks before my real due date. When I arrived I mentioned the rumblings and timing regularity to Cindy – 5 minutes, 3 minutes. She urged me to call the doctor, but, being the “wuss” I am, I did not want to bother him on a weekend. I finally relented and he told me to get my ass over to the hospital. It was probably just braxton hicks (false labor), but they had to be sure.
Again with the “wussiness,” I didn’t want to stress Gregger at work, so I called one friend to schlepp me to the hospital and another to babysit Adam. I assured everyone I would be returning home shortly. This was surely a fluke of some kind. Upon arrival I was strapped to machines and tubes. No sooner did they start beeping away than the nurse came in and said, “Honey, where’s your husband?” Obviously I said he was busy at work and asked the all important question, “WHY???” “Well, he’d better get his ass over here because you are in labor and we’re taking this baby in one hour!” What! I had a hair appointment, nail appointment…I wasn’t ready! I wasn’t prepared! My mom couldn’t come to stay with Adam…this was not the way it was supposed to work! Gregger was with a client…well, that was the end of that sale! He actually left early on a SATURDAY – this was big stuff! Good thing – they weren’t kidding. I was prepped, prodded, and poked and one hour later, I was cut open clean. Ryan Matthew Eveloff was born on April 18th, weighing in at 5 lbs. 13 oz. He was a peanut of a thing, but precious all the same. We weren’t even sure of a name. We had Lindsey picked out for a girl – same girl’s name we had for Adam. We thought about Christian and Bryan, but when we saw his tiny features and big blue eyes, he became Ryan Matthew at that moment. We just knew.
We celebrated 33 birthdays together as a family. There are far too many to recount, but they were all extraordinarily special.
#1: Oscar Taylor’s at Biltmore Fashion Park – carrot cake smeared all over his face.
#9: stunning surprise flying to Disneyland for the day…one of the best of all.
#18: crazy celebration at the house with friends and family.
#33: Ocean Club, our ritual, our favorite. 
#34: New tradition, just the two of us. New restaurant, new atmosphere, new memories.
I will make it special. I will always let Ryan know what a wonderful son he’s been to BOTH of us. But there will always be a void that I can no longer fill. We will make new traditions, new celebrations because, in the end, LIFE is worth a CELEBRATION. 
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