Holidays are Hard

Holidays are Hard

attitudeHolidays are hard. There just isn’t any easy way around it. I wake up. Be happy. Smile. Great attitude. It’s just another day. But something always feels different. Something always feels a little empty. People want to party. I’m not there yet. It’s not that I don’t like people. I do. But I don’t like going it alone. I should have Gregger with me. We should be celebrating together. I’m not ready. And that’s okay.

I started the day with a bang. Super workout. High energy. Happy people. And then I crashed. I was internalizing. Emotions running high. Thinking. Not knowing where to go or what to do with all the emotions. Confused. Wanting to be alone. Not wanting to be alone. At breakfast the music played. Really? Are you here? “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” I choked back the tears. It had to be a message. I haven’t heard it for so long. Letting me know he was okay. Telling me I’m okay. It’s okay to enjoy this day of independence. I didn’t want it to stop playing. I strained my ears to hear the words. The melody. The music. Please keep playing. Don’t go away. But it did. The highlight of my day. He touched me. He was there with me. I was going to be okay.  attitude 2

Another holiday. Another first. Another day we would have spent just being. My day was quiet. But that’s okay. Tomorrow I’ll be ready for the noise.

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Mikki Eveloff

I am certainly no princess, but I did marry my Prince Charming. We had the once upon a time and the “almost” happily ever after until August 30th, 2014 when my Prince Gregger died tragically on the beach in Maui. I believe in fairytales. I believe in fate. I believe that “everything happens for a reason.” We planned a lifetime together…75 years to be exact. Someone or something changed our plans and gave us a new “ever after.” So here I am. I am still a wife, but now they call me a widow. I am a mom and grandma…three children, two in-laws, and two grandchildren. Life has changed and it’s time to move forward. It doesn’t stop, it keeps on going, so I do too. It’s my choice. Be happy, be grateful. It’s the only choice. I have a treasure trove of memories to’s how I keep the happily ever after alive. A True Love Fairytale is 40 years of memories…it’s the essence of our happily ever after. It’s the imperfections of our perfect marriage. And it’s what makes today beautiful.

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