Category: The Gregger

Rainy Days and Mondays

Rainy Days and Mondays

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

rain 2Feeling a bit melancholy on this rainy day Monday. I stare at the raindrops streaming from the skies and slip into a meditative state. My mind wanders. Memories drift in and out. I try to conjure a visible future. I’m stuck. I keep going backwards. All I can see is the past. Where I was. Where I still want to be. But I can’t go there anymore. I can visit. But I must move forward. I keep having flashes. Of Gregger. His goofy, but loving idiosyncrasies. I miss them most. But they make me smile. My sunshine on a rainy day.

 

  • his nightly call to me on his way home from work
  • his obsession with mail, getting to it ASAP when he walked in the door at night
  • dropping his clothes on the floor; shirt, socks, and underwear tied in a tidy ball
  • digging into chips and salsa EVERY night when he walked in the house
  • freezing his Crystal Light to icy perfection
  • making his special bagel with half butter, half peanut butter and jelly, perfectly spread to the edges
  • ice cream before bed (for years!)
  • driving back to check the garage door EVERY TIME we left the house
  • watching his morning routine (recumbent bike with sports page, coffee, shower, breakfast and out the door)
  • washing his shirts (Yes! I miss that) and timing them so there wasn’t a wrinkle
  • his deep breathing and raucous snores
  • his meticulous habit of using shoe trees to preserve the shape, prevent creases, and extend the life of his vast shoe collection
  • “sleep good, sweet dreams” (to me and the kids)
  • “I love you” before, after, and in between (the BEST)

rainGregger: Yesterday I needed to talk to you so badly. It was just one of those days. There wasn’t anyone else in my circle who could help. I needed you. You weren’t here. I’m having to deal with so many nonsensical things. Life things. Gregger things. But I’m learning. I want to scream out. Am I doing the right thing? Is this the way you want me to do it? UGH! I don’t want these responsibilities. But they are mine now. I will take ownership. I will handle them. You tried to teach me. I didn’t listen. I picked up bits and pieces. Enough along the way. I remember. I will make you proud.

The rain falls. I think of you. The days we snuggled. The days we did nothing. That didn’t happen often enough living in Arizona. I wish you were here. Today I am stuck. Tomorrow will be a new day. This is the way it goes. In, out, over, under, up, down, sideways, and back again. Life. It goes on. I just wish it wasn’t without you. Rain. Teardrops falling. I miss you. I will look for the rainbow and know you are smiling. It’s then that I will be smiling too.

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10 months

10 Months

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

10 Months

me and greggerTen months. Another month has passed. Another 30 days. Another 720 hours, 43,200 minutes, 2,592,000 seconds. But who’s counting? Well, I guess I still am. I count every hour, minute, second that you are gone. I still ache inside. I still feel empty. I still feel the loneliness of you not being beside me. It gets different. But it doesn’t get better. Today I was sharing the concept of death. The difference between knowing you are dying, sharing the time with loved ones, and dying suddenly. There is no good way. No right way. No easy way. They all suck! But I feel I was gipped out of saying so many things I would have wanted to say. So I’m going to pretend you can hear me now.

DSC_0749Being married to you was the greatest gift in my life. I know life was not always easy. Certainly I was not easy. As a matter of fact, I was one tough cookie. You had to put up with all my sh-t. And you did. All my illnesses, my moods, my injuries. You supported me, you were there for me. That last year was rough. Back surgery. Epidurals, week after week. More surgery. You were traveling. You raced home to be by my side. I will never forget talking to you on the phone (thinking you were in New York) and suddenly you were by my bedside. Priceless, unforgettable, so purely Gregger. Last year was just one small piece of that puzzle. There were so many other times you rushed from the store to be with me. Held my hand. Kissed my cheek. Rubbed my back. You were there.

You were such a giver. A giver of your love, your soul, your support. I just always wanted to give back as much. I hope you felt it. Knew it. You worked your ass off to give us a beautiful life when all we wanted was you. But you LOVED what you did. Your passion was your success. And I was so incredibly proud of your achievements. You had an art. The best of the best. I was ALWAYS so proud to stand by your side. Proud to be “the better half.”

You were and always will be my very best friend. We didn’t start out that way. We were lovers first. But we learned to be friends. And we became the VERY, VERY best. We talked. We shared. We laughed. We cried. We knew what the other was thinking. We could be silent and be okay. Best friend. I miss you.

Scan 13Dad. The best. You loved being a kid. You played right along with them. You were a softie, but you knew how to be firm. A role model in every way. Kindness. Compassion. Understanding. Selfless. Loving. Humble. Your kids are so proud to be your legacy. And you would be so proud of all of them. They are your shining stars.

Ten months. It still sucks. It still hurts. But I grow stronger every day. I think you would be proud. I try to be a better person. I try to be the best. I try to bring out the Gregger. It’s part of the gift you gave me. I love you. You will always be with me where ever I go. Because you are in my heart.

happy fathers day

Happy Father’s Day Gregger!

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

dadFor the past several weeks, I have been inundated with Father’s Day ads, exhibits, and displays. Mugs, t-shirts, boxers, baskets, barbeque sets, and beer steins stock shelves beckoning buyers to honor husbands, fathers, and grandpas everywhere. I walk by and feel sad. Another first in the year of “firsts.” Father’s Day was one of the ONLY days we could force Gregger to TAKE instead of GIVE. It was OUR day. We got to shower him. We got to make him our center of attention. We LOVED it! He couldn’t argue. He just had to sit back and TAKE it! Believe me, it was NOT easy. He just hated being “it.” Gifts were impossible. What could you possibly buy the guy who (a) owned a clothing store with everything from underwear to tuxedoes (b) didn’t WANT anyone spending money on HIM and (c) returned most everything anyway? Once his cabinets and drawers were overflowing with #1 Dad coffee mugs, BEST DAD t-shirts, and “I Love You Dad” picture frames, we were at a loss. His favorite gift – spending the day with his family. No fighting. No hassles. No conflict. He wanted nothing more. That was it. Simple. Free. In the early years, we did brunch, bike rides, pool time. As the kids grew, we were busy with tennis tournaments, dance recitals, and social events. All good. Happy times. Scan 12

Father's Day pics 3It would have been the two of us (well, maybe three) this year for Father’s Day. But he would have been home.  That sounds strange, but for the past three years he was high in the skies traveling to Florence, Italy. It was the bi-annual event for Pitti Uomo, the largest international fashion fair for men’s clothing, where designers launch new collections and projects. Gregger loved attending Pitti. He loved Florence. He loved the camaraderie with his retail brothers. But he hated the timing. Even with our kids grown and “gone,” holidays were a big deal for us. I was the one who pushed him to go. I knew how much he loved being there. For three years, we argued. For three years, I won. That was miraculous. Looking back now I wish I had said, “yes” to joining him. But I didn’t. I stayed home. Alone. Why? I had been there, done that. I didn’t need to keep going back. He was busy. I was bored. This was my year to go. We always added something special. One year Venice. Another Tuscany. Another Lake Como. We hadn’t decided yet. It was too far out. Plenty of time to plan. Well, maybe not.

IMG_0398So Father’s Day is very different this year. I’m lucky to have MY 92-year dad. Amazing! Sharp as a tack. Witty. Smart. Remarkable! Gregger loved my dad. They had such a beautiful rapport. Conversation. Laughter. More conversation. More laughter. I cherished those moments. My two favorite guys. The one who raised me and the one who helped me grow.

Father's Day pics 2I know my kids are missing their dad this year. He was truly the BEST. A mentor. A friend. He listened. He cared. He loved unconditionally. He was there. But we are all better people because he showed us the way. Happy Father’s Day Gregger!  I miss you every day! And I will love you forever!

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the Playoffs

The Playoffs

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

suns 3 (1)Sports RULED in our house! Three boys and there was sure to be some kind of game going on. Or ESPN. Over and over again and again. Somebody was rooting for or against something, someone. Gregger was right at the head of the pack. Sports gave Gregger a break. He stopped working. He stopped thinking. He just enjoyed. Or stressed over who was winning/losing. He was so devoted to his teams, you’d think he had a stake in them. Coming from a small town in Iowa, he had to reach outside of his city to find his favs. The Suns, Cardinals (AZ and St. Louis), Diamondbacks, Chiefs, Royals made up his elite crew. He was a true blue fan. He had that midwest devotion and stuck hard and firm to his teams.  If he loved you, awesome! If not, watch out! Even Gregger, the nicest guy on the planet, could be a hater in sports! I didn’t quite grasp the concept of the love/hate relationship with teams, but the passion exploded. He was funny. One dissed player could blow his fanfare for the whole team. One awesome dude and count him in.

While I rallied to watch or attend sporting events with Gregger, my favorite was basketball. And playoff time was the BEST! This was always an exciting time in our house. Of course, we LOVED when the Suns were in, but in or out, we made playoffs a part of our TV viewing. I was so hooked that I even watched alone. We’d text back and forth. High five signs. Claps. Thumbs up or down. It was something silly we shared together, but always brought joy, laughter, and smiles.  suns game

The season came to a spectacular end Tuesday night. I watched alone. I missed Gregger for so many reasons. The Suns weren’t playing. But he would have been so thrilled for his pal, Alvin Gentry, assistant coach for the Golden State Warriors. It was a hard fought battle between LeBron and Stephen, two superstars, two MVP’s who showed grit, sportsmanship, and unbelievable talent. But the Warriors killed it in the end. A six game series. On Cleveland’s home court. I missed Gregger’s screams. I missed his fist bumps. I missed his high fives as the score bounced back and forth. I missed hearing him talk about Alvin’s clothes. I missed having him next to me. He just would have been so damn excited for that team. 40 years they waited for a championship. And his friend was there to be a part of it all. He helped make it happen. Gregger just would have been beaming. I missed seeing that smile. So in the end, when the flares burst, the confetti streamed down, the tears trickled down my cheeks. These are the moments that make me sad. He should be here to see this. But he’s not. So I celebrated for him. I cheered. I clapped. I fist bumped the air. And I smiled for the glory of a team who deserved to win. GSW finals

Maybe it all sounds silly. But sports was part of our life. Season to season. Football to baseball, tennis, basketball and right back into football season. It never stopped. I want to believe Gregger was cheering those Warriors onto victory. He had a birds-eye view into those stadiums and was fist bumping his buddies in heaven.

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9 months

9 Months

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

10 (1)Dear Gregger,

Nine months. They say time flies when you’re having fun, but that doesn’t really apply in this case. This is not fun. Not having you here is NOT fun. I keep thinking that it’s just a bad dream and I’ll wake up to see your smiling face in the kitchen, all sweaty from your morning workout, drinking a cup of coffee, engrossed in the morning paper. But you’re not there. It’s still, silent, and empty. I want to call you and tell you things. Funny, sad, gossipy, nonsensical. I just want to talk. I miss my best friend. Nine months. I think about what you’ve missed and what’s changed. It’s crazy! Looking back we managed life as well as any bronc rider, holding on with grit,strength, courage, and patience every time something tried to “buck” us off track. I’m still holding on, but stumbling at times. Unbalanced. My other side is missing.

beachI walked along the beach today. I wanted to hold your hand. I wanted you beside me so we could stroll in silence or chit chat endlessly about mundane events. I see couples everywhere. Young, old, middle-age. I’m envious. I sit at Starbucks, picturing  you  across from me, sipping your coffee. But you’re not there. Nine months. I have some crazy couple sit down and try to befriend me. I channel my Gregger. I’m friendly, social. But it’s weird and she wants to be my new best friend. She shows me pictures of her dog, trip to Greece, tells me about her divorce, and her mother who died. When I mention you, she says, “Oh honey I’m sorry, my dog just died.” Not really sure how to respond to that. I pack my bags and go home to my quiet, empty apartment. I’m starting over without you and I wish you were here, every day.

Nine months. So much has changed yet so much has stayed the same.

Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays keep coming. You’ve missed so many in this short nine months – Adam’s birthday, Ashley’s birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, our anniversary, your birthday, Valentine’s Day, Ryan’s birthday, Tyler’s birthday, Jacob’s birthday, Ashley and Tyler’s anniversary. The world keeps spinning, life goes on, although sometimes it seems it should just stop. But we always celebrated. You wouldn’t want us to stop now. So we keep on celebrating but miss your laughter.

  • I got a puppy. Oh, you’d be so mad. Another dog? I needed her. She’s my best friend. Nothing could take your place, but she’s the closest thing possible. She cuddles, kisses, and loves unconditionally. You would fight me tooth and nail, but you would LOVE her!   IMG_1337
  • I watched my first movie today. Do you remember the last movie we saw together? Me either. It was that long ago. Well, this was a start. Something new. I actually watched the WHOLE thing. I paused, stopped, talked on the phone, played on the computer, and was distracted, but I watched it.
  • “Parenthood” ended. The series. I wanted you there to watch with me, especially when Zeke died. You would have cried with me. But instead I cried alone and thought of you.
  • grey'sDerek died on Grey’s Anatomy. Can you believe they killed him off? It was the shocker of the season. Meredith seems to be stronger than me, but she’s on TV. I’m not.
  • New champs were named on Dancing with the Stars, American Idol, and The Voice. I know. You could care less! You hated reality shows. But I missed watching the finales with YOU.
  • I sold the stores. You knew that. It was hard but the right decision. I couldn’t be you. No one can be you. There will never be another Gregger. So I sold the stores and walked away. I’m sorry.
  • I painted the house. I think you would love the color. It looks awesome!
  • I fixed the garage. It wasn’t the sun rotation after all that time! Can you believe it? What was it? 2 years we agonized with that damn door! It was the spring all that time! Oh well…such is life!
  • houseI’m selling the house. We talked about this for how long? It’s just too much for me to be there without you. I see you in every room. I won’t be moving where WE wanted to move, but that’s okay too. Everything’s fixed now. And the house looks better than ever…it’s just not a home anymore. It’s a house.
  • I rented a place in San Diego…by myself. That’s huge! It’s small and simple but I’m testing out the area. There are so many memories here. Last night Lucy and I walked by the Park Hyatt Aviara. Tears streamed down my cheeks as memories flooded back from the most glorious wedding weekend EVER! Rewind please!

I’ve learned that life is one big lesson. I have opened my mind and heart. I have embraced your sweet soul, your kindness, generosity, and compassion to conquer the obstacles in my way. I have learned to release expectations. No expectations, no disappointment, no frustration, no sadness. I’ve learned to cherish the moments. Whatever they may be. Sometimes I want more, but I’ll take the moments. Because in the end, moments are all we really have. So I will cherish every one.

Nine months. It doesn’t get easier. It just gets different. But loving you and missing you will never change.

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in a cinch

It’s a “Cinch”

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Quotation-Izabella-Scorupco-simple-happiness-Meetville-Quotes-267772

I knew I hit the jackpot with Gregger for so many reasons, but what woman wouldn’t love a man who loves to clean! This guy was great with a sponge, mop, vacuum, toilet brush, and more! But, his favorite was cleaning glass! He would clean mirrors, windows, tables, etageres, or whatever clear products he could put his hands on until there wasn’t a streak in sight. But, he had a science, and you did NOT mess with the Gregger! Always, and ONLY use newspaper…UGH! This left my hands and nails black and dirty. Why not just use paper towels? Nope, newspaper it was, so the job was his! For years Windex was his product of choice, until Gregger discovered the ultimate Cinch.  cinch

You would have thought this was the end-all of all products on the market. We had at least five to six bottles on stock at a time in our house, and, seriously, our windows, mirrors, and glass did NOT get THAT dirty! All was good with the cleaning world as long as Gregger had his Cinch. It pretty much worked on everything, and our house was Cinched clean. Then the dreaded day came when we had to restock and the store shelves were EMPTY. Not a bottle of Cinch in sight.  I scrounged this valley in search of that ludicrous cleaner – from Safeway, Fry’s, and Albertson’s to Target, WalMart, Home Depot and any other store that may carry cleaner. I googled it, searched Amazon, and drove myself crazy. I had to break the news. Cinch was clearly off the market. Gregger was devastated. He tried brand after brand but continued to mourn his Cinch. I think he finally settled with some Costco brand glass cleaner that was satisfactory enough to suffice his needs. Either that or window cleaning had finally taken a much lower rank on his priority pole.

the-simple-things-in-life-seems-more-meaningful-now-quote-1Now, my world is just fine without Cinch, but imagine my exhilaration when I saw this big red bottle with that inscription on the store shelf the other day. I wanted to pick up my phone and call to the heavens, “Hey Gregger…CINCH is back! All is good and clean with the world!” I just grinned. It was one of those silly moments that would have made him so happy. He didn’t care about expensive presents, fancy dinners, or flashy things, but if I had brought home a case of Cinch, he would have grinned from ear to ear. I can see it, I can feel it, and I know he’s smiling now. Sometimes it’s the little things that bring us joy, give us hope, and help us make it through another day.

Thanks for the Memories

Thanks for the Memories

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

facebook logoI just wanted to send a “shout out” to Facebook. I look so forward to my memory notifications every day. What was I doing last year? 2 years ago? 5 years ago?  A few days ago those memories brought Gregger to life. I saw him smile, laugh, and dance like the crazy guy he was. Merely 2 years ago Gregger and I were dancing our hearts out in the middle of Ashley and Tyler’s living room to some silly dance video game. We were making fools of ourselves in the grandest way, but why not! It was a room filled with laughter, joy, and an abundance of love. Neither of us got it, but we were game. Anything for a good laugh, especially when spending time with the kids. Special times. Cherished memories.  Today I saved that memory. I can replay it when I need to hear Gregger’s voice, his chuckle, or watch his goofy dance moves. What a gift.  image

memories 4

Gregger had a love/hate relationship with Facebook. We used to banter because he was so socially awkward. On one hand he was the nosiest guy. Deep down he WANTED to know, but he wouldn’t admit his deep-seated curiousity. He believed it was diminishing his manhood in some way to commit to the Facebook frenzy. He would constantly peak over my shoulder to see what was happening with who. “Who is that?” “What did they say?” I would get incredibly frustrated by his invasion of MY privacy. Get your own account for goodness sake! If you want the info, hook up! I, or really we, finally convinced him it was a sound business decision to be Facebook friendly. He conceded. The Clotherie was the first to sign. Slowly he saw the benefits and decided it was time to connect with the world. Convincing him to accept people as friends was a whole new issue. He didn’t grasp the concept that he didn’t have to converse with everyone on a daily basis. This was so contrary to his personable nature! Gregger was the NICEST GUY you would ever meet. The guy who sent a birthday card to EVERYONE! The guy who was so connected to his phone that I couldn’t get him to disconnect at night, on weekends, or times we went away. He LOVED PEOPLE! But he was intimidated by this social networking giant. He was proud of every technological advancement he made but he deemed this insipid, trivial, and totally unproductive!

memories 2I can’t say Gregger ever developed a genuine love for social media, but he was hooked in his rudimentary way. He checked in every now and then. He’d complain. But he loved the gossip, the pics, and the news. I knew. It made him laugh. It made him smile. And he learned to LIKE IT with a THUMBS UP!

If Gregger only knew what Facebook has given me now that he’s gone  – oodles of memories that capture the spirit of his presence. I am grateful. I love Facebook. I am hooked. I love feeling connected to the past and present. Thanks for the memories. What a true blessing!

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gregger got his groove

Gregger Finally Got his Groove On

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

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This is a tough week. Countless recollections of the ultimate joy in “our” life. Reflecting on best-ever moments filled with love, family, friends, celebration, and LIFE. Gregger was in his glory. But the best memory of all…

Gregger had two left feet…he was dashing, savvy, and charming as could be, but a dancer he was not!  God love the guy…he was great at just about everything but he didn’t have a dancing bone in his body! We would get out on the dance floor and shake our groove thing, but he kind of just rocked side to side, arms shaking to and fro. He’d just smile that twinkling smile, keep on rockin’ as I twisted, twirled, schimmied, and shaked my body away. I don’t think his feet moved from one spot. Needless to say, dancing was a challenge.

imageFast forward to April 2012…Ashley and Tyler announce their  engagement. The Gregger makes an even bigger announcement to me…he wants to take dance lessons so he can do a special dance with his daughter at her wedding. I’m thinking…this is a guy who can’t pat his head and rub his stomach at the same time. We might need more than a year to get the job done. But I keep my mouth shut..I cannot burst his dream. I start searching. We actually go to Arthur Murray…OMG! What a nightmare…what a joke! They want thousands of dollars, a signed contract, and social dancing. He barely has time to breathe much less time for social dancing – not going to happen. To the rescue…our Lisa (a new employee who happens to be a ballroom dancer…what are the chances?). While Ashley learns by face-time and remote, I am the stand-in…it’s quite a production but they get the job done. The Gregger practices religiously morning and night determined to make his daughter proud.

imageMay 18th, 2014…the wedding. Magical, romantic, beautiful, every girl’s dream…but, most of all her daddy’s dream too. His dream to walk his little girl down the aisle to HER prince charming…the man he would trust to take care of his “baby” for the rest of her life…to love, honor and cherish. And he walked gallantly, because he knew, because he trusted. And then it was time…time to twirl his “baby” on that lighted dance floor. Time for the spotlight…two minutes just daddy and daughter.  Two minutes where he no longer rocked but he swayed, sashayed, and shimmied across that dance floor, guiding his princess in all of his glory. It was “their” shining moment…that daddy-daughter moment in time that you want to freeze-frame forever. He relived that moment over and over again, as will I through pictures and videos. Gregger finally got his groove on…he saved the best for last. He saved the best for his baby. It was his glory day. There will never be a shimmy like a Gregger shimmy! When we hear a little thunder now and then, it just might be Gregger getting his shimmy on! Or at least I’d like to think so! Shake it baby, shake it!

Happy 2nd Anniversary to my baby girl and her prince! May your fairtyale continue forever…

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Over The Rainbow

The Rainbow

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

believeI love to walk. I walk for miles convening with nature, lost in the moments, the memories, and the music. I find peace in the silence. I find solace in the solitude. Sometimes. Other times I feel lonely because Gregger is not there to walk beside me. I drown out the loneliness in the music. What should I listen to? R & B love songs of yesterday, Broadway shows we loved, or pop hits that put a bounce in my step? Whatever I choose the words will evoke endless emotions, some happy, some sad; tears flow nonetheless. There is something about the music. It just gets me in the gut. But one particular song opens the flood gates every time. Because I know Gregger is sending me a message, a hug from heaven, just when I need it most. I feel him, I see him, I know he is with  me.

The story goes back to the beaches of Maui, right after Gregger passed. Ashley, Tyler and I were discussing a difficult decision regarding the wedding of their dear friends, Erin and Michael. I insisted that they both move forward with their plans to be in the wedding (as Gregger would have wanted). Michael and Erin wanted them to choose a special song to be played in honor of Gregger, a beautiful gesture of love. We immediately chose “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” the  Israel Kamakawiwo’ole version.  As we walked down to the beach we heard music playing. There was no sound system, no boom box, nothing in sight. All we could hear were the sounds of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” We stopped dead in our tracks. We looked to the heavens. We cried. Where was this coming from? How did he know? This was only the first time.

rainbowTwo days later we were unsettingly leaving the island. While we anticipated problems at the airport, they were made aware of our situation in advance and treated us with kindness and respect. Ryan and Tyler went ahead to the gate, while Ashley and I hung back to grab our much-needed Starbucks. Originally we were not all going to be able to sit together on this long, treacherous ride home. By the time Ashley and I reached the gate the situation had been resolved. As we were standing in line, Ashley tapped me and pointed upward. She said, “Do you hear it?” He was there with us…again. It was playing. “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” He was telling us goodbye.

We were only home a day before we had to make the difficult trip to The Clotherie. Standing outside we all broke down in tears. Walking into that store without the Gregger just didn’t seem fair or right. We didn’t think we could do it. We walked in together, made it to Gregger’s office and collapsed in his chair. The room felt empty and dark. The store was still, melancholy. The downcast faces and somber moods were not the boost we needed. Before leaving we stood behind the cash counter trying to visualize Gregger in his glory. And there he was. It was playing, again. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” The same version. The one we had chosen. Our rainbow song. Our Gregger song. He was telling us he was okay. He was there with us. We smiled. We cried. And then we knew we were okay to leave. What a moment.

rainbow2Several months later I was in negotiations to sell The Clotherie. Needless to say this was a difficult and emotional decision. This was not just about selling a business, but selling part of The Gregger. It was selling our life. It was selling the life we had built together for over 35 years. It was letting go of everything Gregger believed in, his life’s passion. But it was what I had to do. I was not The Gregger. I was not The Clotherie. It was Christmas time so Adam and I met at a Starbucks to discuss the negotiations. Christmas music was streaming overhead – “Jingle Bells,” “White Christmas,” “Silent Night,” “Sleigh Ride.” The tiresome sounds after two months were numbing at this point. In the midst of our stressful conversation the melodies changed gears. This could not be happening. I looked at Adam and tears were streaming down my face. He peered back at me and asked if I was okay. “Yes. You may not understand, but your dad is telling me that what we are doing is okay. This is his song. It is Christmas. They are only playing Christmas music. But in the midst of all of this, suddenly his song is playing. It is his sign.” At that moment I think even Adam believed. “Somewhere over the rainbow,” Gregger was telling me we were doing the right thing. We were making the right decision. And then the Christmas music played on.

Some days I pray to hear my “rainbow” song. But it doesn’t work that way. I have to wait. It will come. I want to feel his presence. I want to know he is okay. And when it plays, I will know it is a hug from heaven where bluebirds fly, troubles melt, and dreams really do come true.

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The Secret

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

imageI hate secrets. I have hated secrets since I was a little girl. I think secrets can get you into trouble, unless they are the really, really good kind of secrets. Or the secrets (more like confidences) shared amongst friends – those are just different. Secrets are something you have to keep inside. You can’t talk about them, you can’t tell anyone, and sometimes they just harbor icky feelings.

Surprises are much different than secrets. Surprises are generally joyful, exciting, and are shared with family and friends. Sometimes a secret can turn into the very best surprise and that’s the only time secrets are OKAY in my book! So when Gregger kept a BIG secret from me for nine months (that eventually turned into a wonderful surprise), I decided it was okay to forgive him.

I had absolutely NO idea he was harboring this secret. If there were an inkling, I would have nagged him to death. That’s probably why he kept me in the dark for so long. So when he came home after work on Saturday, April 28th and suggested we have a drink before dinner, I really didn’t think much of it. This was typical on Saturday nights, kind of our time to unwind and recap, slow down a bit. He was overly exuberant after a stressful day, but I figured he was just happy to be done with a difficult week. He was taking his sweet time going through the mail, getting undressed, and suggested we sit outside for a while since it was such a nice evening. (Clue #1)

We toasted to the weekend, another week gone by, and happy times ahead. We finally meandered inside for dinner around 8:30 and all through the meal he jabbered on about going back outside for another drink! We just didn’t do that! (Clue #2) I was exhausted, but that just wasn’t going to fly. So back we went to enjoy the Arizona air. Unfortunately luck was NOT on Gregger’s side. As Gregger was relaxing, I went to find one of our dogs only to discovered a SNAKE on the side of the house. My scream could have been heard in downtown Phoenix! The snake creeped it’s way out of the yard and we headed back to where we started. One sip in and I came completely unglued. A godawful BAT was flapping around the outer lights! UGH! That was it! I was done! Gregger was so bummed, but I begged him to head to the bedroom for safety and a little TV. This was a switch! (Clue #3)   image

I was so ready to hit the hay but he was going strong. Although he was trying to be discreet I could see his cell phone tucked away in his pocket. I did find that very odd, but decided not to question. (Clue #4) Our home phone was broken so I thought he was just being overly cautious. I remember watching an old “Everybody Loves Raymond,” the news, and the opening of “Saturday Night Live.” We were both distracted. I was trying to figure out what the Gregger was up to and he was just plain WEIRD! He randomly mentioned Ashley and Tyler’s trip to San Francisco to celebrate Tyler’s 26th birthday. He hoped they were having fun, yada, yada, yada. Yeah – me too!  At this point I just wanted some shutup and shut-eye! Suddenly we were jarred by the ring of  the house phone (which we frustratingly couldn’t answer) and “Tyler Ludwig’s” name on the TV screen. I freaked!

#1 Why would they be calling us from San Francisco?

#2 Why would they be calling us this late at night (yes, we would normally be SOUND asleep!)?

In total panick mode due to the home phone outage, I was screaming at Gregger, “Call them back, call them back. Right now!” As he began dialing, his phone buzzed, and, as anticipated, it was Ashley and Tyler. My heart was beating out of my chest. Gregger was calm as a cucumber. What was wrong with him??? He was chit-chatting away as I nudged and poked. What’s wrong, what’s wrong? He started to hand me the phone, but I snatched it out of his grasp. “Hey guys, is everything ok?” Ashley kind of giggled, “We were walking around and saw something that reminded us of you so I’m texting you the picture right now. Look at the phone and let me know what you think.” I waited in an anticipation (thinking it was someting to do with “I Love Lucy”) until I heard the “ping,” When I looked down my heart skipped a hundred beats.  I screamed, I cried, I jumped for joy! The day I’d been waiting for for seven years had finally happened!

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Ashley and Tyler were ENGAGED! Tyler had finally popped the question! I know that sounds crazy, but I just knew these two were meant to be together. Tyler had been a part of our family from day one and now it was going to be official. This was one happy moment! You would have thought he put the ring on MY finger!  image

So Gregger kept a secret all right. He kept that darn secret for nine months! He knew every little detail from the ring, the proposal, and where the ring was hidden. He was so worried I was going to be mad at him. Are you kidding me? This was the BEST secret that turned into an even BETTER surprise! So even though he broke our cardinal rule of keeping secrets, forgiveness was indisputable. It’s hard to believe it’s the three year “engagaversary” (as Ashley dubbed it). I remember that night like it was yesterday. Cheers to the happy couple. Cheers to my Gregger. And cheers to happy secrets that turn into even better surprises!

 

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