On My Own

On My Own

 Everybody talks about the "firsts." There's the first Thanksgiving; the first Christmas, first birthday, Valentine's day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, and the list goes on and on. I'm not going to say they get easier, but I'm learning to prepare myself and get through each one with a new kind of strength. This past Sunday I encountered a new "first." My first "going out event" without Gregger. It was tough. A lot tougher than I expected it to be. To most this sounds like a simple task, but I had to get dressed up without my guy there to put the check marks in all the right boxes. Not that I don't have confidence in my own taste, but, after 40 years with "the best dressed guy," what can I Read more [...]
In The Midst Of Chaos There is Joy

In The Midst Of Chaos There is Joy

My life lately could best be described as total chaos...I am trying to keep the pieces together, but every day a piece of the puzzle just doesn't seem to fit in place. Whether it's water flooding my hallways and kitchen from a broken line in my refrigerator, or pools of blood covering my floors from a bleeding dog, or another dog vomiting everywhere just as I finish cleaning up one mess after another, or the mundane routine of trying to keep bills in check, it's just a little crazy. But, in the midst of all of this trivial "B.S." I was blessed to be part of the "Teen Suit Event" at the Boys and Girls Club of Greater Scottsdale last Friday afternoon. It was a beautiful reminder that none of Read more [...]
Tomorrow’s Just a Day Away

Tomorrow’s Just a Day Away

  Sadness has surrounded me this week. Death, tragedies, heartache. A dear childhood friend, a "best friend" mother, and a beloved father were all lost to people in my circle of life. I passed a fresh flower memorial on the side of the road with people hovering by and discovered that a motorcyclist had been killed the day before.  There are no words to express the sadness, the loss, the grief. One can only offer support, love, and friendship. I know this all too well. I also encountered several people, some strangers, others mere acquaintances, who had lost their spouses. I am trying to find the message, the answers, the reasons for so much all at once. There are no reasons, there Read more [...]
some days suck

S.D.S.!

What the heck is S.D.S.? SOME DAYS SUCK! There's  just no other way to say it! Even B.G.D. (Before Gregger Died) I had those sucky days, but they were different. Somehow the sucky days always had a luminous light at the end...I always knew sunshine would walk in the door around 7 pm and brighten my day...or at least give it his best shot. He tried, lord knows he tried, but I could be harder than a brick wall. I had my own PMS...pissed, mopey, and sultry. Whether he broke through or not, I knew he was there. P.G.D.(Post Gregger's Death) it's different. I have to learn how to deal with the PMS and the sucky days on my own. It's okay...it's just another lesson. It's another step toward growing Read more [...]
On Bended Knee

On Bended Knee

"A good life is a collection of happy moments." Blessings, treasures in a memory bank...a place to go when I need a hug, a smile, or some sunshine on a rainy day.  I put on my wedding band today and was reminded of Gregger's "first" proposal...so simple, so funny, so unromantic, yet one of the happiest moments in that treasure bank. After a whirlwind romance and a trip to Disneyland I think I pretty much hounded him enough until engagement was the only thing on our minds. We both had a year left at ASU, were completely unprepared for the real world at the ripe age of 20, but "the happiest place on earth" had given us a reason to think marriage was the next and best step (or at least I Read more [...]
The House that is a Home

The House that is a Home

April is the 21st anniversary in our home...21 years! We moved around a lot in the first 18 years of our marriage, beginning in the typical apartment to starter home and moving on up from there. All in all we moved 8 times with a few temporary houses in between. We always built rather than buying something a little older and remodeling...Gregger always wanted to attempt that, but he never had time. Building from the ground up was difficult enough with his schedule, but somehow we made it work. Our first big investment was in 1978 when we purchased a Suggs semi-custom in McCormick Ranch. It had the best of the 80's...drab olive, burnt orange and horrific plaids! It was a huge stretch for our Read more [...]
The Suite Case - A True Love Fairytale

The Suitcase

You can tell a lot about a man by the way he packs his clothes. Percentage weighs heavily on the side of women packing for their men, whether it be that men don't want to be bothered or they just don't know how. In my case, the Gregger was clearly the BETTER PACKER! In fact, he was OCD meticulous! Packing for a trip in this house could literally lead to World War III. Our big issue...I was "check-in" and he was "carry on!"  To the Gregger, packing was an architechural or engineering project using every dimension of the smallest proportion to get as much as possible into the smallest space. On the other hand, I was totally inept when it came to packing. No matter how hard I tried to limit myself, Read more [...]
Birds In Love - A True Love Fairytale

The Love Birds

  This is the tale of two love birds, a tale of love, loss, and sorrow. A tale of fate, choices, and destiny that reminds us whatever the plan, there is no plan. Captivated by an early sunrise and the quiet solitude of the morn, I was startled by a thunderous crash outside my window. Afraid to look out, I slowly peeked out to find one quail fluttering to the ground in desperation, while another hovered over, bobbing it's head back and forth. I literally felt helpless, but a rush of emotions and memories came flooding back to me. I don't want to sound heartless, but I am generally not a huge bird lover. They kind of scare me. This was so different. These birds were so connected. The Read more [...]
Luck of the irish - A True Love Fairytale

True Luck ‘o the Irish

We were never big on St. Paddy's Day. It was just one of those holidays that kind of passed us by in the middle of March. If it crossed our minds, we wore green to avoid being pinched, but that was the extent of our participation. B.K. (before kids) I think we did our share of partying with the gang, and I remember a very unsuccessful attempt at corned beef and cabbage! The butcher mistakenly gave me a brisket (somehow realizing I was Jewish?) but we were expecting this Irish delicacy that turned into disaster! In later years Gregger celebrated with a smooth glass of Irish Jameson whisky. What better excuse to cheers to good old St. Paddy. But suddenly even this holiday is so different. Every Read more [...]
The Letter - A true love fairytale

The Letter

I was the writer in the family. But on the Hallmark occasions Gregger came through. Always two.. one, mushy, sweet, romantic and another, goofy with sexual inuendos. No complaints...I knew too many people who came up empty-handed. Signed with special messages of love, I saved just about every one. Boxes and boxes of all cards and letters dating back forty years. We were Hallmark's dream couple. Digging through my closet today I discovered a different kind of Love Letter from the Gregger...this wasn't covered in flowers or caricatures with sexy bodies...it was a Family Love Letter for A Time of Confusion. I don't ever remember seeing this letter, although I have vague memories of discussing Read more [...]