Home…The First Few Days

"Home." In the house. Things to do. First things first. Unpack. Enter the closet. UGH! Our closet. A place we shared. Our things. Together. Neatly hung. Methodically placed. Color coordinated. Shoes boxed. Belts hung. Orderly. Just like Gregger. His side. My side. Only now it was all mine. A few stray shirts hung in a corner, along with a sparse mixture of belts and ties. I wanted it the old way. Elegant suits matched with sophisticated shirts, ties, and pocket squares. Just like Gregger. But now my clothes filled the space reminding me again of his absence. I peeked into his dresser. Everything neatly folded. Piles. Color coded. Socks. Underwear. T-shirts. I didn’t dare get too close. It Read more [...]

Welcome “Home”

So after a long, but incredibly enjoyable road trip with my “bestie,” we made it back to Arizona. I had butterflies, tummy-turning moments cruising down the 101. Driving in bumper-to-bumper, nail-biting traffic didn’t help. But there were “welcome home signs.” Signs that kept reminding me that everything would be okay. It was incredible. Sometimes I think I’m nuts. Or if I talk about it, others will think I’m nuts. At this point, I don’t care. I’m nuts either way. But these signs. OMG! I know they were there for me. And I know I was meant to be aware. Open. Rainbow. First it was faint. In the distance. Marcia spotted it. I squinted. Let it be there. PLEASE. A rainbow. I wanted Read more [...]
returning home

On Being Strong…Returning Home

So I was home. Not the way I thought it would be. Ever. It would never be home again. Not without Gregger. It would be a house. But never a home. Too much was missing. But again, I had to be strong. Too much ahead of me. Too much to do. People to see. Emotions. Tears. Plans. Could I do it? I had no choice. So I moved. Robotically. One foot in front of the other. I had to go into our bedroom. Our closet. See his clothes. Every shirt, tie, jacket that reminded me of him. A day. A night. A memory. His toothbrush. Standing erect in its holder. He would never use it again. Everything I touched reminded me of his absence. And the fact that he was never coming back. People came. To pay respects. Platters Read more [...]
home again

Home Again

“Home is where you go to find solace from the ever-changing chaos, to find love within the confines of a heartless world, and to be reminded that no matter how far you wander, there will always be something waiting when you return.” Love, support, friendship. I was blessed this past weekend. I was blessed to be surrounded by family and friends. I wasn’t sure about my decision. I was feeling guilty. I thought I should be with my kids. But it all turned out for the best. Everyone ended up right where they were supposed to be. Sometimes life makes our choices for us. And they turn out okay. I want to believe that’s what happened. Because we did okay. It was tough. Sad. But being surrounded Read more [...]
The House that is a Home

The House that is a Home

April is the 21st anniversary in our home...21 years! We moved around a lot in the first 18 years of our marriage, beginning in the typical apartment to starter home and moving on up from there. All in all we moved 8 times with a few temporary houses in between. We always built rather than buying something a little older and remodeling...Gregger always wanted to attempt that, but he never had time. Building from the ground up was difficult enough with his schedule, but somehow we made it work. Our first big investment was in 1978 when we purchased a Suggs semi-custom in McCormick Ranch. It had the best of the 80's...drab olive, burnt orange and horrific plaids! It was a huge stretch for our Read more [...]