It’s been a long time. I’ve been busy. I’ve been avoiding. I’ve been hiding. Running. Searching. Running. If I stop, I have to feel. If I feel, I’ll be sad. If I keep going, I don’t think. If I don’t think, I can pretend. If I pretend, I can be happy. It’s a game. And if I make the rules, I can usually win. Until now. It’s time to face the music. I’ve run away long enough. So here I am. Back to paper. Virtual paper. But writing. So where have I been? Ending one life. Beginning a new. As Julie Andrews said, “Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.”
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” As did mine. I headed “home.” The “old” life. The memories. My past. My life. I wasn’t ready, but it was time. And in a moment everything changed. The house sold. Okay. This was what I wanted. Right? Yes. No. Maybe. Yes. I had to pack and leave it all behind in a short four weeks. Panic! How on earth could I do it all? 22 years in a home filled with laughter, love, tears, and so much more. And almost forty years of sentiments, nostalgia, and JUNK! I walked from room to room. I wandered. I was lost. Where to begin? How to begin? I couldn’t. I was stuck. There was no way I could do it. If I started, it meant the end of something I wasn’t ready to lose.
Sister, mom and dad to the rescue! Thank God for family! They came flying in and truly saved my butt! Took the reigns by the horn. Boxes, bubble wrap, packing paper galore. They sailed from room to room packing and taping, marking and making piles, until my house was one giant cardboard mass. Working ten to twelve hours a day, my dad made sure we knew when cocktail hour hit at 5:00! Time to break and cheer to another successful day of packing, padding, and piling.
But it was tough. The things I found. Heart stopping memories that thrilled me and threw me. From smiles to tears. From heartwarming to heartache. Life revisited. If only…
To be continued…
