letters of hope

Letters of Hope Continued…

believeSo after all the weeks of waiting, praying, waiting, praying. Tears. Stress. And more tears. The wait was over. I didn’t sleep the night before. Weird dreams. But I remember being at a shower. Ashley was pregnant. Ready to pop. And then I woke up. And realized what day it was. The nerves set in. Stomach rolling. Hands shaking. I went to barre. Spaced out. Headed to OTF. Zoned out. At 11:40, my heart was pounding. I raced out to check my phone. And there it was. Emoticons. “Prayer hands.” One after the other. From Ashley. I sent them back. There was nothing left to do. But wait. And pray. Some more.

I headed home. I offered to sit with her. She wanted to be alone. Tyler was at work. But she said she was okay. 2 more hours. I could manage that. By 3:00 I was ready to jump out of my skin. I was pacing. My nerves were shot. I told myself I wouldn’t meddle. But I was a mama. A worried mama. So I texted.

“Are you okay? Any news? Do you know what time?”

“I’m fine. 3:00.”

“Okay.” And I was back to waiting. A few minutes later my phone beeped. Ashley. My heart pounded out of my chest. She wouldn’t text me the news. Would she?

“They just called. I won’t know until tomorrow.” Ugh! I had to call her. I knew she’d be pissed. I didn’t care. I had to know she was okay. So I dialed.

“You okay?”

“Fine. Hungry. I’m going to eat. I’ll know tomorrow.”

“Will you be at work?”

“I don’t know. Really mom. I’m fine. I’m just hungry and stressed. I just want to go eat and lie down.”

“Okay. Love you.”

believe 1At least 12-24 more hours. This was agony. But if she could do it, I could do it. So I took Angel. Cuddled on the couch. And waited. I tried to watch TV. Blank stare. Tried to crochet. My fingers didn’t work. Tried to sit outside. Too restless. I paced. Looked at the computer. Blank stare. Up. Down. Sit. Stand. Looked at the clock. Maybe an hour had passed. This was going to be a long night. Breathe. I sat with Angel. Stroked her back. Talked to Gregger. Prayed.  Two to three hours passed. I wanted to text Ashley. Call her. Something. But I couldn’t. I just sat in that quiet house. Alone.

Suddenly there was a pounding at my door. UPS. Had to be. I was expecting some packages from Amazon. Couldn’t even remember what I’d ordered. But it was a distraction. Picked Angel up in my arms. Headed to the door. Peeked through the peephole. No one. Must be a package by the door. So we opened. And out jumped the greatest surprise of my lifetime. Ashley holding the most amazing sign!  

Tyler capturing it all. The tears. The  screams. The overwhelming joy. Ashley was PREGNANT!  Dreams do come true. And this pretty much says it all…

I couldn’t wait to write Gregger that night.

June 3rd

Dear Gregger,

YOU DID IT! THEY DID IT! SHE’S PREGNANT!!! You are going to be a grandpa! Thank you, thank you, thank you for watching over her and those babies. I only wish you were here to celebrate this joy. I kind of think you are. I think you are watching. I think you see everything. And you know. So now you have to keep them all safe and healthy. It’s a long road, but they can do it. The kids are so happy. It was so sweet the way they surprised me. I was overcome with tears, joy, and love. The only thing missing was you. I just kept thinking how I wanted you here. Here to celebrate the happiness.

 We all love you and miss you so much. I look for a sign of you every day. And I try to send something back so you can feel my love. I hope you do. Until tomorrow…