Tag: lessons

back to writing

Back to “Paper”

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

truth (1)It’s been a long time. I’ve been busy. I’ve been avoiding. I’ve been hiding. Running. Searching. Running. If I stop, I have to feel. If I feel, I’ll be sad. If I keep going, I don’t think. If I don’t think, I can pretend. If I pretend, I can be happy. It’s a game. And if I make the rules, I can usually win. Until now. It’s time to face the music. I’ve run away long enough. So here I am. Back to paper. Virtual paper. But writing. So where have I been? Ending one life. Beginning a new. As Julie Andrews said, “Let’s start at the very beginning.  A very good place to start.”

new beginnings (1)

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” As did mine. I headed “home.” The “old” life. The memories. My past. My life. I wasn’t ready, but it was time. And in a moment everything changed. The house sold. Okay. This was what I wanted. Right? Yes. No. Maybe. Yes. I had to pack and leave it all behind in a short four weeks. Panic! How on earth could I do it all? 22 years in a home filled with laughter, love, tears, and so much more. And almost forty years of sentiments, nostalgia, and JUNK! I walked from room to room. I wandered. I was lost. Where to begin? How to begin? I couldn’t. I was stuck. There was no way I could do it. If I started, it meant the end of something I wasn’t ready to lose.

familySister, mom and dad to the rescue! Thank God for family! They came flying in and truly saved my butt! Took the reigns by the horn. Boxes, bubble wrap, packing paper galore. They sailed from room to room packing and taping, marking and making piles, until my house was one giant cardboard mass. Working ten to twelve hours a day, my dad made sure we knew when cocktail hour hit at 5:00! Time to break and cheer to another successful day of packing, padding, and piling.

But it was tough. The things I found. Heart stopping memories that thrilled me and threw me. From smiles to tears. From heartwarming to heartache. Life revisited. If only…

To be continued…

new beginnings 4

strength

On Being Strong…It’s a Journey

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

“When life changes to be harder, change yourself to be stronger. What hurts you today, makes you stronger tomorrow.”

being strong 4So life changed. In the blink of an eye. I didn’t have time to think. Everything was coming at me so fast. STOP! Let me breathe. Absorb. Understand. So we stayed. In the house. In Wailea. The house that was supposed to bring so much joy. The beach. Relax. Rejoice. Remember. But in this space, we found peace. And in the peace I found strength. Strength to deal. With my tears. My childrens’ tears. The loss. I felt Gregger all around me. I knew he was there. And it comforted me. I knew he was okay. And I knew that in time, I’d be okay too. For three days we sat. Silent. Hours upon hours. Chairs in the sand. We stared at the blue sky. Wispy clouds drifting in the distance. Waves slapping at the shore. Others snorkeling. Paddleboarding. Swimming. Splashing. Having fun. We were oblivious to the noise. We felt alone. But it was okay. When late afternoon came, we hated leaving. We wanted to sit by the water. All day. All night. We felt closer. To Gregger.  being strong

I remember thinking, I can’t eat. I’m not hungry. I don’t need food. But then I realized, I must. I had to be strong. I couldn’t let my kids down by giving up. I had to be better. Better than I’d ever been. Stronger than I’d ever been. I had to take care of myself. Because if I didn’t do it now, who would? My rock was gone. Now it was only me. But that strength was there. I could do it. I just had to believe.

And then it was time to go. Another test. Would I pass? I wasn’t sure. This was a journey I never wanted to take. Or one I never imagined…

To be continued…

being strong 3

the fight is on

The Second Year…The Fight is On!

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

moving on 3Year Two. Just as I hit the road running, I crashed. Head on. I didn’t see it coming. But it hit me like a ton of bricks. Smack in the face. Wham! Not even sure what provoked it. Out of left field. But the tears. Trickle, trickle, stre-a-m, DOWNPOUR! STOP! I’m not supposed to feel this way. This is year two! I’m past this! What the heck. But here we were. The fight was on.

I decided to give in. Let it go. Free myself of sadness. Despair. Longing. It was my only choice. I wouldn’t let it get the best of me.  moving on 2

  1. Slow down. Maybe I’m trying to move too fast. Don’t try to rush the process.
  2. Don’t overthink. Overthinking never ends well.
  3. Stop trying to be superwoman. I can’t be all, do all, for all. Draining. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally.
  4. Face the feelings. Don’t stuff. Eventually, it comes to the surface. Let the tears flow.
  5. Laugh. Have fun. It’s really okay.
  6. Realize it’s okay not to be okay. Sometimes I just have those days.
  7. Stop being so hard on myself. I am my biggest critic. Give myself credit for how far I’ve come.
  8. Make friends with time. It’s not always my friend. It softens the pain, but it also makes me realize what I’m missing. It goes too fast. I don’t want it to slip through my fingers. I want it to stop. Slow down. But it just keeps going. Without me.
  9. Make friends with me. I have to be my best friend. I’m the one who’s here.
  10. Get rid of the guilt. It’s just weighing me down. I can’t change the past. I can only begin again.
  11. Realize every day is a new beginning. It’s my choice how I use it!

Okay, year two…bring it on!

moving on (1)

A Letter to Myself…Lessons I’ve Learned

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Dear 19-year-old Mikki,

DSC_0215You have been knocked down. Flat face. You will feel like you can you never put two feet on the ground and run again. But you can. And you will. Faster than you’ve ever run before. Alone. Terrifying. Intimidating. Daunting. You will pack your bags and head to California. San Diego. And it will work.

You will find a small place. Safe. Venture out into comfort zones. Meet people slowly. You will be overwhelmed by the warmth. Kindness. Compassion. You feel welcome. In a short time, it feels like home. And you will grow. Life becomes real. You will write. A lot. You will write about life before. And after. You will write about lessons. All that you’ve learned. You will write about hubby. This will be your way to carry out his legacy. It’s a good thing. Carry that in your heart.

1. The big things aren’t so big anymore. You will be blessed with graciousness and hurt with inhumanity. You will hold on to those who love you and let go of others.  life is unpredictable
2. It’s okay to take care of yourself. Even before you take care of others. If you don’t, you won’t be around either.  take care of yourself (1)
3.Life is unpredictable. You think you can plan. It doesn’t always work out the way you want. Be prepared.
4.Life is short. Live it. There are no second chances. No do-overs. You will wish there were. Don’t look back. Keep your eyes forward.
5. There is no timetable for grief. No conventional way to mourn. No normal.
6. Life will never be the same. You may never have the same kind of happiness. The same kind of love. But you can create a new normal. A new happy.
7. There will be an ending. And a beginning. You will deal with both. Embrace them.
8. Be patient. With yourself. Your family. Friends. Everyone grieves in their own way. It is a journey that only you can take to arrive at a place of peace and acceptance.  life is short 3 (1)
9. You will have to make decisions you never thought you would have to make. You will take over. Roles. “Things.” You will become mother and father. Accountant. Handyman. Do it all. You can do it. And you will.

“The road of life twists and turns and no two
directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.”

Growing Through Something

Growing Through Something

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

2015-02-05 15.52.05“When you are experiencing uncomfortable circumstances you can choose your disposition about your position.  You can either say you are ‘going’ through something or  you can say you are ‘GROWING’ through something.”

The first of so many great lessons, to say I am “growing through something” EVERY DAY is a grand understatement. My eyes are wide open to the lessons in front of me. These are the BEST 25 lessons I’ve collected in the past nine months, and it’s only the beginning!   LIFE 4

  1. Some days just really SUCK! But bad days don’t last forever. They make the good ones seem GREAT.
  2. Let go of expectations. The result will ALWAYS be BETTER.
  3. Stop trying to be ok all of the time. If I feel angry, be angry. If I feel sad, cry. If I feel happy, laugh. But don’t repress emotions just to be ok.
  4. It’s okay to show a sign of weakness. I can’t always be the STRONG one. I can try, but I might not always succeed.
  5. Be honest with myself. Be honest with others. Holding back will only end up hurting one of us.
  6. Surround myself with positive people. Let go of those who do not support, share, or listen. Negativity weighs me down.
  7. Hold on tight to the BEST people in my life. Recognize the blessings and be grateful for those friends and family for they are the greatest gift.
  8. Take care of me. I’m the only one I have. (I have never been good at this. It is a real learning process.)
  9. Forgive. Let go. Forgive myself. Freedom.
  10. Follow my dreams whatever they may be. (Again, a really hard one.)
  11. Starting a new chapter doesn’t mean I am closing the last one. The words, pictures, and memories will always be there so I can turn back the page.
  12. Accept that plans change. Big life plans, small plans, any plans. It sucks, but it’s real. Acceptance and flexibility are the only roads to take.
  13. There are no mistakes if I learn and grow. (Tough, tough, tough for a perfectionist!!)
  14. There’s no such thing as “woulda, shoulda, coulda,” or the big “WHAT IF.”
  15. Don’t waste my time being upset about something I cannot change. Sometimes it just is what it is. Accept it. Or if there is room for change, start over and do it better the next time.
  16. Live so that if people were to talk about me, they couldn’t find “bad” words to say.
  17. Cherish the moments. Life is just WAY too short.
  18. Step out of my box in order to make changes. Otherwise, I just stay stuck.
  19. Communication, trust, and respect are key. Don’t shut down now.
  20. One step at a time is the only way to move forward. Not stepping at all is going nowhere.
  21. There is no timeline or deadline for healing.
  22. Smile – it feels good even when I don’t.   LIFE 5
  23. Trust my gut. I get it right every time!
  24. Follow my heart. I am the only one who has to live with my decisions.
  25. Sit back, enjoy the ride. See what life brings. It’s not what it used to be. It’s not what I planned. It’s not what I wanted. But it’s the only life I’ve got. Why not make the most of it? It’s the BEST choice I’ve got!LIFE 2