10 Months
Ten months. Another month has passed. Another 30 days. Another 720 hours, 43,200 minutes, 2,592,000 seconds. But who’s counting? Well, I guess I still am. I count every hour, minute, second that you are gone. I still ache inside. I still feel empty. I still feel the loneliness of you not being beside me. It gets different. But it doesn’t get better. Today I was sharing the concept of death. The difference between knowing you are dying, sharing the time with loved ones, and dying suddenly. There is no good way. No right way. No easy way. They all suck! But I feel I was gipped out of saying so many things I would have wanted to say. So I’m going to pretend you can hear me now.
Being married to you was the greatest gift in my life. I know life was not always easy. Certainly I was not easy. As a matter of fact, I was one tough cookie. You had to put up with all my sh-t. And you did. All my illnesses, my moods, my injuries. You supported me, you were there for me. That last year was rough. Back surgery. Epidurals, week after week. More surgery. You were traveling. You raced home to be by my side. I will never forget talking to you on the phone (thinking you were in New York) and suddenly you were by my bedside. Priceless, unforgettable, so purely Gregger. Last year was just one small piece of that puzzle. There were so many other times you rushed from the store to be with me. Held my hand. Kissed my cheek. Rubbed my back. You were there.
You were such a giver. A giver of your love, your soul, your support. I just always wanted to give back as much. I hope you felt it. Knew it. You worked your ass off to give us a beautiful life when all we wanted was you. But you LOVED what you did. Your passion was your success. And I was so incredibly proud of your achievements. You had an art. The best of the best. I was ALWAYS so proud to stand by your side. Proud to be “the better half.”
You were and always will be my very best friend. We didn’t start out that way. We were lovers first. But we learned to be friends. And we became the VERY, VERY best. We talked. We shared. We laughed. We cried. We knew what the other was thinking. We could be silent and be okay. Best friend. I miss you.
Dad. The best. You loved being a kid. You played right along with them. You were a softie, but you knew how to be firm. A role model in every way. Kindness. Compassion. Understanding. Selfless. Loving. Humble. Your kids are so proud to be your legacy. And you would be so proud of all of them. They are your shining stars.
Ten months. It still sucks. It still hurts. But I grow stronger every day. I think you would be proud. I try to be a better person. I try to be the best. I try to bring out the Gregger. It’s part of the gift you gave me. I love you. You will always be with me where ever I go. Because you are in my heart.