time is today

Time is Today

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

time2Time is such an interesting concept. When I was younger I believed time was an infinite cloud of dreams waiting to happen. Time was about growing, changing, making mistakes and righting them again. When I was 5, I wanted to be 10; when I was 10, I wanted to be 16; 16, I wanted to be 21, and so it went until about 30. Time never stood still, it never stopped. It didn’t care what I was doing, wanting or needing in my life. Time continued on and still does. Only now time moves so much faster. I think time started racing after my kids were born. I suddenly had this urge  to slow it down, stop the clock, sometimes just turn it back. Time makes sense of our moments. It organizes our life into past, present, and future, but moves so fast that sometimes we miss the most the important part…THE PRESENT. We are so busy looking back or ahead that we don’t see what is right in front of us NOW. Time doesn’t wait for anyone. Time doesn’t let you go back. Time doesn’t give you a “redo.” Time is today.

When the kids were younger time was efficiency. Time was the clock. Time to wake up. Time to go to school. Time for tennis or dance. Time to eat dinner. Time for bed. For Gregger, time was his constant. He lived by the clock. 4:30 am exercise. 5: 30 am newspaper. 6:00 am shower, 6:30 am bagel or oatmeal,  7:00 am out the door and headed to work. Time controlled. Time was flashing, moving at breakneck speed. Time didn’t stop for breaks, but we should have. No turning back. Time doesn’t give you a “redo.” Time is today.

“What is time? Is it the autumn leaves that change? Or the snow that floats from the sky? 
What is Time? Is it the air we breathe? Or the wings that teach the new born bird to fly?”

It used to be family time, our time, me time. It was never Gregger time. Maybe in the hush of the morning hours, but that was about it. He believed “you can’t recycle wasted time.” So very little was wasted. It was all used up. I was selfish. I took my me time. Now I wish I had a little less of that and more of the “our.” I wish I had taken more of those trips to Italy and New York when he begged me to go. But I had “been there done that” and he was busy working. I figured I had all the time in the world to go again with him. I guess not. Time doesn’t give you a “redo.” Time is today.  time

Time has become much more relevant to me in the past eight months. If I could rewind to August 30th, I would stop the clock on the beaches of Maui, rewind and take us back to the condo. I would start that day over. I wouldn’t have argued with Gregger over some dumb bagels that got moldy in a drawer. I wouldn’t have gotten all pissy when we drove to Kaanapali and the beach was crappy. I would have held him a little longer, a little tighter in that last hug. I would have insisted he NEVER go into the waters at all. In the blink of an eye time becomes our past and future. Life changes and suddenly nothing will ever be the same again. Time doesn’t let you go back. Time doesn’t give you a “redo.” Time is today.

“What is time? Is it eternity in heaven or just a hope for peace on earth? Where’s the time gone in a blink of an eye but with every blink a birth.”

Time is now measured in multitudinal ways. The clock moves, days and months stream by. The sun rises and sets, seasons change, days turn into nights, another ball drops in Times Square.  I see my parents and children growing older. Past time is filled with beautiful memories, a movie playing in my mind. The memories flow like a flash of pictures from a fairytale.  I sit back treasuring the show. It reminds me of all the love, happiness, and joy that filled our lives. It edits the “yucky” and magnifies the good. It’s the perfect Oscar winning film. Future time is filled with new adventure, roads left untraveled. But I will cherish the present. The time that is NOW.  I will live for today. I will make new memories. For Time is today.

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Channeling my Gregger

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

anger 2A few weeks ago I was challenged by one of those life situations that just gets me in the gut. I was writhing in anger; not my prettiest moment. I don’t like feeling angry. It’s ugly, gets the best of me, and seems way too powerful. Rewind 8 months, a year. Gregger was my vent release. I’d shout, curse, blow off steam and he’d listen, sometimes patiently, sometimes not, but, bottom line, I knew he was there. Where do I go with this anger? I get angrier with myself just for being angry. It is truly a hideous emotion that sucks the energy out of me. I am a positive person. I don’t have time for such pointless emotions. Good riddance to this monstrous soul that is sucking the life out of me. So today I look to my Gregger for the angel who will bring me peace. I hear him whispering his beautiful Greggisms in my ear and offering me solace when I need it most.beinggratefulquotesBe grateful for the blessings in my life. (So many blessings, so much gratitude)

Say “I love you” a lot and mean it. (I do, I do)  

Everyone deserves a second chance…learn to forgive and love again. (I hear ya!)

Be kind. It gets you everywhere. (This is a biggie and has really paid off in your absence!)

Don’t compare your life with others. Envy is a waste of time. (You pounded this into my brain…got it Gregger!)

Focus on the positive – make peace with your past so it won’t spoil your present. (I’m trying…really I am.)

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Smile and laugh more. (Again…I’m trying…really I am but I miss your laughter!)

Agree to disagree; you don’t always have to win. (Okay, I relent!)

No one is in charge of your happiness except you. (I take charge TODAY. Let me see what I can do about this!)

Each day do something good to or for others. (Even if it’s smiling at a stranger or letting someone cross the street, I think of you.)

Cherish every moment; you never know when it will be your last. (You taught me the importance of this…I cherish, I love, and I believe.)

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Gregger you are with me every day giving me strength. So the Greggisms will continue to get going when the going gets tough. My rock, my salvation, my angel.   

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The Secret

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

imageI hate secrets. I have hated secrets since I was a little girl. I think secrets can get you into trouble, unless they are the really, really good kind of secrets. Or the secrets (more like confidences) shared amongst friends – those are just different. Secrets are something you have to keep inside. You can’t talk about them, you can’t tell anyone, and sometimes they just harbor icky feelings.

Surprises are much different than secrets. Surprises are generally joyful, exciting, and are shared with family and friends. Sometimes a secret can turn into the very best surprise and that’s the only time secrets are OKAY in my book! So when Gregger kept a BIG secret from me for nine months (that eventually turned into a wonderful surprise), I decided it was okay to forgive him.

I had absolutely NO idea he was harboring this secret. If there were an inkling, I would have nagged him to death. That’s probably why he kept me in the dark for so long. So when he came home after work on Saturday, April 28th and suggested we have a drink before dinner, I really didn’t think much of it. This was typical on Saturday nights, kind of our time to unwind and recap, slow down a bit. He was overly exuberant after a stressful day, but I figured he was just happy to be done with a difficult week. He was taking his sweet time going through the mail, getting undressed, and suggested we sit outside for a while since it was such a nice evening. (Clue #1)

We toasted to the weekend, another week gone by, and happy times ahead. We finally meandered inside for dinner around 8:30 and all through the meal he jabbered on about going back outside for another drink! We just didn’t do that! (Clue #2) I was exhausted, but that just wasn’t going to fly. So back we went to enjoy the Arizona air. Unfortunately luck was NOT on Gregger’s side. As Gregger was relaxing, I went to find one of our dogs only to discovered a SNAKE on the side of the house. My scream could have been heard in downtown Phoenix! The snake creeped it’s way out of the yard and we headed back to where we started. One sip in and I came completely unglued. A godawful BAT was flapping around the outer lights! UGH! That was it! I was done! Gregger was so bummed, but I begged him to head to the bedroom for safety and a little TV. This was a switch! (Clue #3)   image

I was so ready to hit the hay but he was going strong. Although he was trying to be discreet I could see his cell phone tucked away in his pocket. I did find that very odd, but decided not to question. (Clue #4) Our home phone was broken so I thought he was just being overly cautious. I remember watching an old “Everybody Loves Raymond,” the news, and the opening of “Saturday Night Live.” We were both distracted. I was trying to figure out what the Gregger was up to and he was just plain WEIRD! He randomly mentioned Ashley and Tyler’s trip to San Francisco to celebrate Tyler’s 26th birthday. He hoped they were having fun, yada, yada, yada. Yeah – me too!  At this point I just wanted some shutup and shut-eye! Suddenly we were jarred by the ring of  the house phone (which we frustratingly couldn’t answer) and “Tyler Ludwig’s” name on the TV screen. I freaked!

#1 Why would they be calling us from San Francisco?

#2 Why would they be calling us this late at night (yes, we would normally be SOUND asleep!)?

In total panick mode due to the home phone outage, I was screaming at Gregger, “Call them back, call them back. Right now!” As he began dialing, his phone buzzed, and, as anticipated, it was Ashley and Tyler. My heart was beating out of my chest. Gregger was calm as a cucumber. What was wrong with him??? He was chit-chatting away as I nudged and poked. What’s wrong, what’s wrong? He started to hand me the phone, but I snatched it out of his grasp. “Hey guys, is everything ok?” Ashley kind of giggled, “We were walking around and saw something that reminded us of you so I’m texting you the picture right now. Look at the phone and let me know what you think.” I waited in an anticipation (thinking it was someting to do with “I Love Lucy”) until I heard the “ping,” When I looked down my heart skipped a hundred beats.  I screamed, I cried, I jumped for joy! The day I’d been waiting for for seven years had finally happened!

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Ashley and Tyler were ENGAGED! Tyler had finally popped the question! I know that sounds crazy, but I just knew these two were meant to be together. Tyler had been a part of our family from day one and now it was going to be official. This was one happy moment! You would have thought he put the ring on MY finger!  image

So Gregger kept a secret all right. He kept that darn secret for nine months! He knew every little detail from the ring, the proposal, and where the ring was hidden. He was so worried I was going to be mad at him. Are you kidding me? This was the BEST secret that turned into an even BETTER surprise! So even though he broke our cardinal rule of keeping secrets, forgiveness was indisputable. It’s hard to believe it’s the three year “engagaversary” (as Ashley dubbed it). I remember that night like it was yesterday. Cheers to the happy couple. Cheers to my Gregger. And cheers to happy secrets that turn into even better surprises!

 

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Family Celebrations of Love

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

familyBig affairs were always some of the happiest times in our lives, and with my family they were (and are) neverending! Birthdays, Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, and now weddings! We believe in celebrating the HAPPY TIMES! My mom’s motto – don’t wait for the “unhappy”- life is too short not to CELEBRATE. So celebrate we did. But this weekend was different for me. I was missing my “half.” I had to face the music alone, dance to my own beat. The anticipation and anxiety was excruciating – stomach rumbles, sleepless nights, and incessant jitters. They slowly subsided in the presence of my incredible family who provided so much love and support.

sibsEvery family has it’s schtick, it’s drama. The Bronska family is no exception. You get this clan together (27 and counting) and the crazies come out, but through it all, the love endures. Crazies or not, I would not have made it through without them – my kids (AMAZING!), my parents, my crazy sibs, in-laws, and a slew of nieces and nephews.

“The love of a family is life’s greatest blessing.”

Well my family is truly mine. They sensed when the tears were rising to the surface, when I needed a solid hand or the touch on my shoulder. No words needed. They were just there.

“Family means putting your arms around each other and being there.”

These crazies gathered from all over the country to witness the marriage between my beautiful niece, Ali and her dashing partner, Patrick. Elegant, charming, and “Ali-touched,” the wedding was magnificent! But I wanted Gregger to witness the joyous occasion. I wanted him to see his Ali girl walk down the aisle transformed from little girl to exquisitely angelic bride. It rained a little during the ceremony. I believe they were teardrops from heaven, Gregger’s way of saying,”I wish I was there.”

But he was there thanks to Ali. She made sure he had his “own” place, memorialized with pictures, quotes, and candles. This act exceeded the boundaries of love, compassion, and kindness. Ali brought her Uncle Greg back to us. Gregger was in the room.  2015-04-25 20.40.40

I saw him, heard him all night long. The songs made me cry. Whether it was Ashley and Tyler’s wedding dance, “our” song, or a distant memory, I had some rough moments, but someone was always there to grab my arm, hug me tight or hold my hand. Lucky me! And then, I got on the dance floor and got my groove on. I smiled. I laughed. But most of all, I loved my family. I would not have survived without THEM! I am so blessed. We are so blessed. Crazies, drama, and all the schtick! Love is all that matters! And I love them all!

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Hero

Did You Ever Know That You’re My Hero?

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

imageWhat is a hero? Through the eyes of a child, it may be the Supermans, Spidermans, and Batmans who save the planet, the superhero with super powers. To others it might be a friendly stranger, a brother, sister, mom or dad.  A hero makes this world a better place. Their statement may be big or small, but their impact is unspeakable. Gregger was my hero. Would he be described as heroic by typical standards? Maybe not. But to me, he was a hero. He was courageous, good-hearted, generous, a survivor, and he ALWAYS put everyone else’s wellbeing above his own. He “saved” me in so many ways. He helped me discover the true me. He encouraged me to believe in myself. He gave me the strength to deal with the tragedy of his loss. He was kind, giving, loving, and compassionate. He didn’t meet a person who didn’t become his friend. I believe that captures the essence of a hero.

On August 30th, my hero could no longer save himself in the waters of Maui. He fought his final struggle and drew his last breath, but I believe he had two heroes with him that day. He passed the buck. The day started out as one of our best. We left Wailea heading to the beaches in Kaanapali for a day of swimming, snorkeling and sunbathing. After a long 45 minute drive into no man’s land we arrived at a nearly deserted beach. Ashley and I were annoyed because we just wanted to plant our lazy butts in the sand and catch some Maui rays. All we could see was an outhouse, an okay beach, and clouds. Get us to Black Rock! So we piled back into our family mini van and back to Lahaina we trekked. The mood was a bit edgy as we all just wanted to get where we were going! Family VACATION FUNTIME! Park, unload, lug, and land! Ashley and I planted ourselves in the sand and the boys headed off to check out the snorkeling situation. Gregger was geared up for the water. For some reason I was a “jiggly” inside. I just wasn’t feeling it. I wanted him to wear a vest, but they weren’t renting them that day. Typical Gregger…”I’ll be fine! What are you worried about?”

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAEverything captured on film, we took our typical beach photos…Ash & Gregger, Ash & Tyler, Ash & Ryan, Gregger & me, and all the other combos. Two of each, just in case. One hugging, one kissing. Final words…”I love you. I love you too.” And off he went – into the water chasing after Ryan and Tyler with snorkeling gear dangling by his side. The beaches were crowded. People jumping off Black Rock, shouting, hooping and hawing. Ashley and I were fairly relaxed, but I was edgy not knowing where the boys had gone. Suddenly we heard screams of “Help! Help!” They were far off in the distance and we assumed it was the crazies jumping off the cragged rock. The cries kept getting closer and soon we were hearing “911.” My heart was racing. I remember yelling at Ashley that something was wrong and running from my chair. As I dashed to the edge I caught sight of Gregger’s bathing suit floating toward us, and I knew. At that moment, I knew. I screamed. I fell to the sand and I remember someone grabbing my arms. Suddenly crowds of strangers were holding me, hugging Ashley and me.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAGregger made it to the shore that day because of two special heroes..my son, Ryan, and my son-in-law, Tyler. Their courage and strength in the most difficult of situations could only be described as heroic. At one moment Gregger was smiling underwater and giving a thumbs up. Seconds later Ryan realized something was terribly wrong and reached out for him. He screamed for Tyler and between the two of them, they safely pulled Gregger in. They took off his mask, flipped him on his back, and pushed, pulled, shoved, and screamed until  help arrived. Gregger would have called them his heroes. The quick reaction to save him in such an incredibly difficult situation could only be described as heroic. The paramedics, fire fighters, and doctors worked on Gregger relentlessly. Tyler prayed in the sand at his feet, while Ryan prayed by his side. It felt like the world was praying, but God had decided he wanted the Gregger that day. Whether his mom was calling (it was the 10th anniversary of her death) or they just needed another one of the “good” guys “upstairs,” we’ll never know. Whatever it was, someone else won the battle. But, my two boys were the heroes that day. They saved their hero and brought him to us so we could say “goodbye.”

There were a lot of heroes that day. The strangers on the beach holding us, praying for Gregger, keeping us safe. The paramedics, firefighters, and doctors fighting tirelessly to bring back his heartbeat. The chaplain who stayed by our sides for HOURS providing comfort, kind words, and support. We would not have survived without these people. But, my SUPERHEROES on August 30th were Ryan and Tyler. I will forever be grateful to them for their courageous efforts and strength for bringing my HERO back to me, to us.

“Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death.”

Who is your hero?   image

 

 

 

The Monster

“The Monster”

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

imageFear can be a debilitating monster. It can show it’s ugly face at the most unlikely moments, very sneaky and unsuspecting. Your chest tightens, your heart races, your muscles tighten. Your breathing speeds up so much you can’t keep up .It almost hurts. I never thought of myself as a fearful person. As a child I was cautious. I wasn’t the daredevil child who swung from the jungle gym upside down. I tried things, but I was carefully cautious. I was a ballet dancer, a piano player. I didn’t take chances. The “biggest” thing I did back then was dive off the high board! I remember the day I did a flip into the deep end. You wouldn’t catch me climbing the stairs today, much less walk the plank! The thought of the climb makes my heart race.

imageGregger was the daredevil. He had that good boy personna, but inside a little bit of devil was always aching to get out. The gaping hole in the back of his leg…a burn from the forbidden motorcyle ride his parents NEVER knew he took. He loved jet skiing with the kids, riding the waves at crazy speeds while I sat on the shore clenching my jaw so tight I’d end up with a migraine for three days! He loved bike riding, roller blading (yes, back in the day), even skateboarding. He was the “fun” one and I was the “ooh, aah, stop, careful, WATCH OUT!” mom who drove everyone crazy. My biggest moment was in Hawaii years back when everyone dared me to go parasailing. Gregger and I were teaming it, so I figured what the hell. I’ll show everyone! It was the first and DEFINITELY the LAST! My kids thought it hysterical to guide us sky high (as I clung for dear life), drop us into the sparkling blue water (just as I thought it was over), and sharply shoot us straight back up again! Holy crap! If my heart didn’t stop then I knew it was a strong ticker! I made Gregger get me one of those cheesy t-shirts that says “I survived Parasailing in Maui” just so I could flaunt my fearless moment!

imageFear strikes at the strangest moments. Pre kids I was a fearless flyer. Post kids, I am white knuckle all the way. Gregger would sit back, watch his movie, read his magazines, and I’d be clutching his hand, the arm rest, praying until those wheels touched down. It’s all different now. Being afraid has a whole new meaning. I never used to be afraid of the dark. I never used to be afraid to come into my house at night or walk out in the backyard. But, now I do it alone and it’s oh so creepy. I don’t like being afraid. I don’t like jumping when a bird flutters from a tree at night and or something wriggles on the ground, especially when I discover it’s a freaking snake! I don’t like driving into my garage peering over my shoulder, shutting it before the car is off so no one can sneak in without my knowing. I don’t like walking into my house at night and feeling like someone might be there, so I tiptoe across the floor, opening the doors, guardedly peering into the rooms. Then I circle back, grab a phone (just in case) and lock my bedroom door…paranoia?  One night I swore I was going to see feet under my door jam so I kept the lights on and waited. Crazy? No, just a little afraid. I’m not a good “alone” person, but I’m learning. I had the Gregger to “protect” me for 40 years (that’s actually kind of funny!). Just knowing he was there was protection enough for me. Little by little I’ll let the fears creep away into the darkness. I will accept the fear, act powerfully, expect the best and take control one fear at a time. And in the meantime, I’ll keep a baseball bat outside (for creepy critters), a phone by my side (for 911), and good thoughts in my head!

The Handyman

The Handyman

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Fhandymanor forty years Gregger tried his best to be the fix-it man. He carried his handy tool kit around the house as if he knew what the hell he was doing, when, in reality, he didn’t have a clue. I just stood idly by, cheering him on, all the while whispering, “Call THE GUY!” Whether it was a clogged toilet, paint job, tile repair, or something more complex, he thought he could do it all. He would schlepp back and forth to Home Depot, venturing up and down the aisles, jabbering with the employees, sure to achieve the perfect result. In the end, sometimes he won, and other times…well, he called THE GUY! Now I’ve been left with the handy tool kit in hand. Gregger’s got to be chuckling at my inept attempts as I struggle with “his” chores. We often bantered over the fact that I couldn’t sweep worth a damn. He didn’t get my inadequate sweeping abilities, but what did I know? I was raised with an electric broom! Now I’m sweeping up a storm and I choose to believe he’s gloriously proud! Normally I would just call THE GUY, but now I’m googling, youtubing my way to handy dandy. Who would have thought?  I’m the girl who calls THE GUY!

 “When life throws curve balls at you, do not try to dodge them. They are meant to hit you, to mould you and to shape you to become the person you are meant to be. Enjoy the impact, smile and move on.”

So I strap on the belt, pick up the tools and conquer the task at hand!   curveballs 2

  • I’ve become a pro at snaking toilets…no plungers for me!
  • Unclogged a fully plugged bathtub…no plumber needed!
  • After multiple tries, screaming fits, and a phone call to my brother, changed the air conditioning filter
  • Touched up all my cabinets to sparkling new
  • Scooped up dead animals (not exactly fix-it but WAY out of my territory!!!)
  • Changed light bulbs (much more difficult than it sounds!)

And then, I called THE GUY…to paint, to fix the garage, to cut the trees, to do the tough stuff. But, I tried and I gave it my best shot.

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The skies were sunny today but there was a rolling, thunderous noise as I entered Home Depot, undoubtedly Gregger laughing his head off at that glorious sight! All I needed were light bulbs but do you have any idea how many different kinds of bulbs there are? Holy cow! I’d like to call THE GUY to help me out, but there’s only ONE guy I have in my mind and he’s no longer available, so I will keep on trucking and make him proud. I’ve learned that just when you think you CAN’T, there’s always a way to find you CAN! My horoscope summed it best of all:  “the fastest way to learn something new about yourself is by exploring something that is unknown to you. This could be something universally intimidating, like skydiving, but it could also be something that is harmless to many but still a big question mark to you. It can be difficult to accept the fact that you could try something and not succeed at it right away. Check your ego at the door and dive into learning something new about your capabilities.”

WOW! I’m diving headfirst and this time I think I’ll land on my feet.  lady handyman

Life is worth a CELEBRATION

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

happy momentsYesterday was my son’s 34th birthday. As much as it’s a celebration, it’s hard not feel the empty space. Gregger would have made the first phone call; sent the first goofy text. He would have wished me “Happy Birthday” and we would have reminisced over the crazy sequence of events that took place on the day of Ryan’s birth. Ryan wasn’t due until the beginning of May, but I had a c-section scheduled for sometime around April 25th. Gregger went to work as usual and I was off to my best friend’s (Cindy) daughter’s birthday party with Adam. Early in the day I started having funny feelings in my tummy, but just thought it was indigestion. This couldn’t possibly be labor – it was over 3 weeks before my real due date. When I arrived I mentioned the rumblings and timing regularity to Cindy – 5 minutes, 3 minutes.  She urged me to call the doctor, but, being the “wuss” I am, I did not want to bother him on a weekend. I finally relented and he told me to get my ass over to the hospital. It was probably just braxton hicks (false labor), but they had to be sure.

Again with the “wussiness,” I didn’t want to stress Gregger at work, so I called one friend to schlepp me to the hospital and another to babysit Adam. I assured everyone I would be returning home shortly. This was surely a fluke of some kind. Upon arrival I was strapped to machines and tubes. No sooner did they start beeping away than the nurse came in and said, “Honey, where’s your husband?” Obviously I said he was busy at work and asked the all important question, “WHY???” “Well, he’d better get his ass over here because you are in labor and we’re taking this baby in one hour!” What! I had a hair appointment, nail appointment…I wasn’t ready! I wasn’t prepared! My mom couldn’t come to stay with Adam…this was not the way it was supposed to work! Gregger was with a client…well, that was the end of that sale! He actually left early on a SATURDAY – this was big stuff! Good thing –  they weren’t kidding. I was prepped, prodded, and poked and one hour later, I was cut open clean. Ryan Matthew Eveloff was born on April 18th, weighing in at 5 lbs. 13 oz. He was a peanut of a thing, but precious all the same. We weren’t even sure of a name. We had Lindsey picked out for a girl – same girl’s name we had for Adam. We thought about Christian and Bryan, but when we saw his tiny features and big blue eyes, he became Ryan Matthew at that moment. We just knew.

We celebrated 33 birthdays together as a family. There are far too many to recount, but they were all extraordinarily special.

#1: Oscar Taylor’s at Biltmore Fashion Park – carrot cake smeared all over his face.

#9: stunning surprise flying to Disneyland for the day…one of the best of all.

#18: crazy celebration at the house with friends and family.

#33: Ocean Club, our ritual, our favorite.  IMG_1316

Steak 44#34: New tradition, just the two of us. New restaurant, new atmosphere, new memories.

I will make it special. I will always let Ryan know what a wonderful son he’s been to BOTH of us. But there will always be a void that I can no longer fill. We will make new traditions, new celebrations because, in the end, LIFE is worth a CELEBRATION.  life is a celebration

Here Come The Suns

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

imageThe sun is setting early this year for the Phoenix Suns. The final home game of the season – no playoffs and a long, hot summer.  The Gregger would have been disappointed, as am I, but faithful fans we’ll always be. Our loyalty began way back in the early ’80’s at Veteran’s Colliseum when we could hang our legs over the empty seats, relax and enjoy the likes of Dennis Johnson, Alvan Adams, and Walter Davis. Gregger had a close affiliation with the team, dressing the announcers, and  later the coaches, so our boys had the opportunity to grow up sitting on the bench next to such players as Curt Rambis and Steve Kerr. Our Suns loyalty never wavered. We loved them win or lose. There were so many memorable moments…

  •  1976…Calling each other after the tough game 6 loss to the Celtics (I was in St. Louis visiting my parents and he was back in Council Bluffs)
  • Christmas day games when we dressed in our Suns garb as a family, dorky as ever but the greatest fans
  • 1992-1996…The Barkley years when we barely missed a game, so excited to cheer the team onto victory
  • 1993…The NBA Finals. Trailing 98-96 with 3.9 seconds left, John Paxson buried a heartbreaking 3-pointer to give the Bulls a one-point lead – game over! This capped off a jam-packed Father’s Day, full of glory and grace. We raced from Ryan winning his tennis tournament to the Suns and left at 55 seconds to watch Ashley dance in her recital. So we missed the shot. We thought we had won.  In our book, they were still winners.
  • 2008…attending the inauguration of former Phoenix Suns, Kevin Johnson when he was elected as Mayor of Sacramento (Gregger had a longstanding relationship with Kevin and this was truly such an honor for both of us)image
  • 2011…an incredible “cross it off the bucket list” road trip with the Suns to Houston and New Orleans for three glorious days.  suns road tripWOW! Jet setting, schmoozing, sitting courtside, wining and dining…it was purely the ultimate dream come true. Unforgettable, priceless, and perfect!
  • Years and years of cheers and tears, amazing partnership, and comraderie.

We tapered off going to the games these last few years. Gregger was busy, I had back problems, and it just seemed easier to watch the games together at home. But our loyalty never wavered. It always humored me when Gregger started yelling at the refs…”Traveling! Traveling! Are you kidding me?” He would say the same thing over and over again as if it would change the call. We would high-five each other, knuckle bump, and do all kinds of crazy things when the game got close, but it was a diversion from the stress of the day and brought us joy. It was  essential to check out the coach, the announcers, and The Clotherie “goods” on TV – make sure everything was showing up as it should. 99% of the time he was pretty proud. I loved seeing that in his face. I knew the hours, the heart, and the passion that brought everything to fruition, so it gave me a sense of pride too.

imageGregger’s long standing relationship with this incredible organization came full circle on September 24th, 2014. We received a call from the “top” telling us that US Airways was the only venue that could house all of the people who would attend Gregger’s memorial. Not only were we stunned to assume such an outpouring of love, but we were astounded by this generous honor.  So the sun set on my Gregger in the home of his Suns with more than 1000 fans tearfully bidding him adieu. It was an amazing tribute to an extraordinary man. He was honored with his own jersey – #13, his lucky number. I know he was watching that day. I know he could feel the love, the embrace of his biggest fans.

I went to one game this year. I saw Gregger everywhere. I saw his face, I felt his fist bump, I heard his cheers. I love the Suns and always will, but it just will never be the same without my cheer buddy by my side. Thanks Suns for 30 great years…here’s to a better season next year from one of your forever fans!

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The Weekend that Was

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

smallest step

So I did it! I made it through the Vegas weekend…I survived the travel, the memories, and a little bit of heartache. I had melancholy moments, but I also had laughter, sunshine, and joy. I felt Gregger around me, pushing me, encouraging me. He would hate some of the things I did, the way I traveled, but it sort of made me laugh. For the first time in a long time, I was making my own choices. Believe me, I would be much happier with his choices or our choices, but making my choices at this point did feel pretty good. They were silly dumb things, but that’s okay. They were still my choices and I was okay with them.

It took me a long time to be okay with my choices. That probably sounds a bit crazy, but we were young babes when we married. I went from nesting under my parent’s “wing” to living with Gregger. From the beginning he took care of me. I never really knew what it meant to take care of myself. I only knew what it was to be “taken care of” by someone else. So I let him take care of me. I let him make the decisions, the choices, for a long time, until I realized I wanted a voice too. Things slowly changed in our marriage and we grew to make choices together, but early on, I barely bought a tube of mascara without his permission. I just didn’t know any better.  think positively

While reinventing myself this weekend, I relived so many memories. I realized how we grew as individuals as well as together; how our journey gave me the strength to be here today. Suzy and I visited all of “our” favorite spots, but I got better as the days went on. We talked about the past, the present, and the future. My sis was my greatest support and I think I was able to unload a lot of “baggage,”  maybe coming home a little bit lighter.

Nothing extreme, nothing crazy, but I was out in the world, just me. If you asked me five years ago if I could do this, I would have said, “Hell NO!” I would have pictured myself buried in the comfort of my home, secure with my computer and a few shows on TV. I play the role of recluse much better than that of “bar girl.” But for a few short days it was fun to be someone and something else. I could play, I could pretend, and I then I could come back and face reality all over again. I’m ready for the newest challenges…and there are new ones every day.  I never know what will hit me next. I appreciate the reprieve, the fun, and the fancy. Until next time…

moments