Lesson #6: The Perfection Trap: Unlearning What I Was Taught to Believe

Late Blooming Lessons – Life’s Second Chapter

A journey of discovery. A discovery of self. Pieces of old. Paired with pieces of new.

#6: The Perfection Trap: Unlearning What I Was Taught to Believe

“Perfect is the enemy of good enough.”

Nothing and no one is perfect.

I know that now. But for much of my life, I didn’t.

As the eldest of five, I grew up under the weight of perfection. I wasn’t just the oldest. I was the example. The one who had to get it right. In everything:
Appearance.
Academics.
Behavior.
Achievements.

The message was loud. And clear: Follow the rules. Do the right thing. Be who they need you to be. There was no room for error. No space for missteps. And stepping out of line? Not an option.

That pressure didn’t go away as I entered adulthood. It simply evolved—shifting from childhood expectations to internalized beliefs that shaped my choices. My worth. My identity. I carried an invisible scorecard – grading myself on everything from accomplishments to how well I hid my struggles.

Somewhere along the way, I tied perfection to love. If I performed well, I was good. If I excelled, I was worthy. If I was perfect, good things would happen. But if I wasn’t? It felt like my world…would crumble.

But here’s the hard truth:
Perfection is a myth.
It doesn’t exist. And chasing it? Is exhausting.

Letting go of perfectionism isn’t like flipping a switch. It’s a slow unraveling. A reprogramming. A practice in mindfulness. And presence. A constant effort to rewrite the narrative I’ve been repeating for decades.

It’s a daily reminder:
Things don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.
Effort counts. Grace counts. More than getting it “right.”
Progress. Over perfection. Always.

I ask myself often:

Would I ever speak to someone I love the way I speak to myself?

The answer? Always. A hard NO.

My options? 

CHANGE.

Filter what I let in.

In our world driven by curated posts and polished highlight reels, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. Picture perfect families. Flawless homes. Idealized relationships. But we forget: it’s a snapshot. A picture. A selected frame. Not the full story.

We don’t see the doubts. The struggles. The tears. The arguments. The mess behind the lens. Perfection on social media isn’t real. I remind myself. Stop chasing it.

Because the truth is:

Perfection isn’t where life happens. 

Life happens…in the mess.

In the lessons.

The missteps.

The unexpected beauty of imperfection.

So. I’m unlearning.

Unlearning that my worth is tied to how flawless I appear.

Unlearning the belief that love must be earned through performance.

Unlearning the lie that I’m only enough when I measure up to impossible standards.

Instead. I’m embracing the real.

The human.

The beautiful chaos of a life that may not be perfect…

But. It’s completely mine.