Lesson #13: August 30th…11 Years

Late Blooming Lessons – Life’s Second Chapter

“The ones we love never truly leave us. They live on in our hearts and in the way we love.”

 Lesson #13: August 30th…11 Years

It happens every year.
July ends. The calendar flips. August arrives. The countdown is on. And without warning, my stomach tightens with a familiar wave of emotions.

It’s not intentional. It just happens.
A song brings sudden tears. My nerves feel fragile. I try to redirect my thoughts, but the ache sits quietly beneath the surface. The reminder is there. What was. What should have been. And what’s coming.

August 30th. Eleven years. And no. It doesn’t get better.
It doesn’t get easier.
It still hurts.

I remember those days before we left. Each detail etched in my mind.
The odd urgency in his actions. Suddenly moving our bank accounts after thirty-plus years.
I asked, Why now?
“We’ll do it when we get back,” I suggested.
But he said, “No. It must be done now.”

And so it was.
Wills. Trusts. Important papers. All brought home.
Bills paid ahead for three weeks.
Who does that? And why?
There’d be time when we returned. But he insisted.
I didn’t understand. He was stubborn. And it wasn’t worth a fight. So I let it be.

We were going to celebrate. Our 60th birthdays. Milestones. Family. Fun. Sunshine and surf.
But he couldn’t let go.
Business followed us, as it always had.
I accepted it.  Made the best of the moments we had together.
He was tired. Still trying. Doing too much. Being everything for everyone.

And. He paid the price.

Every year, I go back to that day.
The “What ifs” are relentless. But useless.
No answer.  No scenario, could change the ending.
So I accept what was, and I try to move forward.

But love never dies.

August will always remind me of the life I left behind. The love that was lost. And the joy he never got to see.
That’s the part that breaks me.  The joy we could have shared.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him.
I see him in the eyes of the little ones. In their smiles. Their giggles. Their sweet souls.
And I believe he sees them too.

Another year. Another reminder.
We’ve loved. We’ve lost.
But we carry his legacy with kindness.
With generosity.
And always.
With love.

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