Happy 63rd Birthday Gregger

Dear Greg,

Happy 63rd Birthday! I can hardly believe this is our 3rd birthday apart. It seems like yesterday that I was getting ready for your big 60th birthday surprise. The last hoorah. I’ll never forget that birthday. Never forget the look on your face. I can still feel you holding my hand. Walking into that room. And I hear the screams. The laughter. And the smile. Your smile. The best. It was our last dance. Every time I hear Beyonce belt out, “Love on Top,” my heart stops. I drift back to that moment. You were holding me. Just the two of us. Rocking. Side to side. Cherishing a moment. Frozen in time. What a celebration. That was then. And here we are. Now. I’m here. You’re somewhere. Out there.

So much has happened in the last year. So many beautiful, wonderful things. Most of all the birth of your grandson, Cruz Greyson. Your namesake. I see you in the twinkle of his eyes. Or when he puckers his little round mouth and “puffs.” Just like you. He’s a true blessing. A gift. He brings love, joy, and hope. Something we all need.

I want to say I’m doing okay. On a daily basis, I am. But nothing’s really changed. You’d think it would after 2 1/2 years. But it doesn’t. My heart still aches. I’m empty. Lonely. Tears escape my eyes at the strangest times. Driving, a spin class, walking Angel, sitting at Peet’s having coffee. Nothing makes sense. It never will. I’ve accepted that it was all part of God’s plan. There’s no other explanation. Lots of good people are taken from this earth every day. Why else? It’s just part of the plan. It sucks. I don’t have to like it. But I can accept it. And pray that you’re okay too. The one thing I know for sure. You are doing lots of good “up there.”

I decided that today was not a day to be sad. Today was a day to celebrate YOU. You were the greatest giver when you were alive. You gave and gave and gave. Yes you gave material things, but I’m not talking about those things. I’m talking about all the other things you gave us and left behind. The really GREAT gifts you GAVE us. Those are the greatest gifts of all. Those are the gifts I choose to celebrate today. You taught me to:
…believe in myself.
…to forgive.
…to love unconditionally.
…to give without expecting to receive.
…to love myself when I thought there was nothing there to love.
…to always be kind.
…to not judge.
…to be faithful and true.
…to be honest to others and myself.
…to be patient.

So on this special day, your 63rd birthday, I celebrate YOU! I miss your smile. Your hugs. Your touch. I miss talking. Our friendship. Our love. Cheers Gregger! I will love you forever! Happy Birthday!