Hero

Did You Ever Know That You’re My Hero?

imageWhat is a hero? Through the eyes of a child, it may be the Supermans, Spidermans, and Batmans who save the planet, the superhero with super powers. To others it might be a friendly stranger, a brother, sister, mom or dad.  A hero makes this world a better place. Their statement may be big or small, but their impact is unspeakable. Gregger was my hero. Would he be described as heroic by typical standards? Maybe not. But to me, he was a hero. He was courageous, good-hearted, generous, a survivor, and he ALWAYS put everyone else’s wellbeing above his own. He “saved” me in so many ways. He helped me discover the true me. He encouraged me to believe in myself. He gave me the strength to deal with the tragedy of his loss. He was kind, giving, loving, and compassionate. He didn’t meet a person who didn’t become his friend. I believe that captures the essence of a hero.

On August 30th, my hero could no longer save himself in the waters of Maui. He fought his final struggle and drew his last breath, but I believe he had two heroes with him that day. He passed the buck. The day started out as one of our best. We left Wailea heading to the beaches in Kaanapali for a day of swimming, snorkeling and sunbathing. After a long 45 minute drive into no man’s land we arrived at a nearly deserted beach. Ashley and I were annoyed because we just wanted to plant our lazy butts in the sand and catch some Maui rays. All we could see was an outhouse, an okay beach, and clouds. Get us to Black Rock! So we piled back into our family mini van and back to Lahaina we trekked. The mood was a bit edgy as we all just wanted to get where we were going! Family VACATION FUNTIME! Park, unload, lug, and land! Ashley and I planted ourselves in the sand and the boys headed off to check out the snorkeling situation. Gregger was geared up for the water. For some reason I was a “jiggly” inside. I just wasn’t feeling it. I wanted him to wear a vest, but they weren’t renting them that day. Typical Gregger…”I’ll be fine! What are you worried about?”

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAEverything captured on film, we took our typical beach photos…Ash & Gregger, Ash & Tyler, Ash & Ryan, Gregger & me, and all the other combos. Two of each, just in case. One hugging, one kissing. Final words…”I love you. I love you too.” And off he went – into the water chasing after Ryan and Tyler with snorkeling gear dangling by his side. The beaches were crowded. People jumping off Black Rock, shouting, hooping and hawing. Ashley and I were fairly relaxed, but I was edgy not knowing where the boys had gone. Suddenly we heard screams of “Help! Help!” They were far off in the distance and we assumed it was the crazies jumping off the cragged rock. The cries kept getting closer and soon we were hearing “911.” My heart was racing. I remember yelling at Ashley that something was wrong and running from my chair. As I dashed to the edge I caught sight of Gregger’s bathing suit floating toward us, and I knew. At that moment, I knew. I screamed. I fell to the sand and I remember someone grabbing my arms. Suddenly crowds of strangers were holding me, hugging Ashley and me.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAGregger made it to the shore that day because of two special heroes..my son, Ryan, and my son-in-law, Tyler. Their courage and strength in the most difficult of situations could only be described as heroic. At one moment Gregger was smiling underwater and giving a thumbs up. Seconds later Ryan realized something was terribly wrong and reached out for him. He screamed for Tyler and between the two of them, they safely pulled Gregger in. They took off his mask, flipped him on his back, and pushed, pulled, shoved, and screamed until  help arrived. Gregger would have called them his heroes. The quick reaction to save him in such an incredibly difficult situation could only be described as heroic. The paramedics, fire fighters, and doctors worked on Gregger relentlessly. Tyler prayed in the sand at his feet, while Ryan prayed by his side. It felt like the world was praying, but God had decided he wanted the Gregger that day. Whether his mom was calling (it was the 10th anniversary of her death) or they just needed another one of the “good” guys “upstairs,” we’ll never know. Whatever it was, someone else won the battle. But, my two boys were the heroes that day. They saved their hero and brought him to us so we could say “goodbye.”

There were a lot of heroes that day. The strangers on the beach holding us, praying for Gregger, keeping us safe. The paramedics, firefighters, and doctors fighting tirelessly to bring back his heartbeat. The chaplain who stayed by our sides for HOURS providing comfort, kind words, and support. We would not have survived without these people. But, my SUPERHEROES on August 30th were Ryan and Tyler. I will forever be grateful to them for their courageous efforts and strength for bringing my HERO back to me, to us.

“Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death.”

Who is your hero?   image

 

 

 

The Handyman

The Handyman

Fhandymanor forty years Gregger tried his best to be the fix-it man. He carried his handy tool kit around the house as if he knew what the hell he was doing, when, in reality, he didn’t have a clue. I just stood idly by, cheering him on, all the while whispering, “Call THE GUY!” Whether it was a clogged toilet, paint job, tile repair, or something more complex, he thought he could do it all. He would schlepp back and forth to Home Depot, venturing up and down the aisles, jabbering with the employees, sure to achieve the perfect result. In the end, sometimes he won, and other times…well, he called THE GUY! Now I’ve been left with the handy tool kit in hand. Gregger’s got to be chuckling at my inept attempts as I struggle with “his” chores. We often bantered over the fact that I couldn’t sweep worth a damn. He didn’t get my inadequate sweeping abilities, but what did I know? I was raised with an electric broom! Now I’m sweeping up a storm and I choose to believe he’s gloriously proud! Normally I would just call THE GUY, but now I’m googling, youtubing my way to handy dandy. Who would have thought?  I’m the girl who calls THE GUY!

 “When life throws curve balls at you, do not try to dodge them. They are meant to hit you, to mould you and to shape you to become the person you are meant to be. Enjoy the impact, smile and move on.”

So I strap on the belt, pick up the tools and conquer the task at hand!   curveballs 2

  • I’ve become a pro at snaking toilets…no plungers for me!
  • Unclogged a fully plugged bathtub…no plumber needed!
  • After multiple tries, screaming fits, and a phone call to my brother, changed the air conditioning filter
  • Touched up all my cabinets to sparkling new
  • Scooped up dead animals (not exactly fix-it but WAY out of my territory!!!)
  • Changed light bulbs (much more difficult than it sounds!)

And then, I called THE GUY…to paint, to fix the garage, to cut the trees, to do the tough stuff. But, I tried and I gave it my best shot.

home depot

The skies were sunny today but there was a rolling, thunderous noise as I entered Home Depot, undoubtedly Gregger laughing his head off at that glorious sight! All I needed were light bulbs but do you have any idea how many different kinds of bulbs there are? Holy cow! I’d like to call THE GUY to help me out, but there’s only ONE guy I have in my mind and he’s no longer available, so I will keep on trucking and make him proud. I’ve learned that just when you think you CAN’T, there’s always a way to find you CAN! My horoscope summed it best of all:  “the fastest way to learn something new about yourself is by exploring something that is unknown to you. This could be something universally intimidating, like skydiving, but it could also be something that is harmless to many but still a big question mark to you. It can be difficult to accept the fact that you could try something and not succeed at it right away. Check your ego at the door and dive into learning something new about your capabilities.”

WOW! I’m diving headfirst and this time I think I’ll land on my feet.  lady handyman

Here Come The Suns

imageThe sun is setting early this year for the Phoenix Suns. The final home game of the season – no playoffs and a long, hot summer.  The Gregger would have been disappointed, as am I, but faithful fans we’ll always be. Our loyalty began way back in the early ’80’s at Veteran’s Colliseum when we could hang our legs over the empty seats, relax and enjoy the likes of Dennis Johnson, Alvan Adams, and Walter Davis. Gregger had a close affiliation with the team, dressing the announcers, and  later the coaches, so our boys had the opportunity to grow up sitting on the bench next to such players as Curt Rambis and Steve Kerr. Our Suns loyalty never wavered. We loved them win or lose. There were so many memorable moments…

  •  1976…Calling each other after the tough game 6 loss to the Celtics (I was in St. Louis visiting my parents and he was back in Council Bluffs)
  • Christmas day games when we dressed in our Suns garb as a family, dorky as ever but the greatest fans
  • 1992-1996…The Barkley years when we barely missed a game, so excited to cheer the team onto victory
  • 1993…The NBA Finals. Trailing 98-96 with 3.9 seconds left, John Paxson buried a heartbreaking 3-pointer to give the Bulls a one-point lead – game over! This capped off a jam-packed Father’s Day, full of glory and grace. We raced from Ryan winning his tennis tournament to the Suns and left at 55 seconds to watch Ashley dance in her recital. So we missed the shot. We thought we had won.  In our book, they were still winners.
  • 2008…attending the inauguration of former Phoenix Suns, Kevin Johnson when he was elected as Mayor of Sacramento (Gregger had a longstanding relationship with Kevin and this was truly such an honor for both of us)image
  • 2011…an incredible “cross it off the bucket list” road trip with the Suns to Houston and New Orleans for three glorious days.  suns road tripWOW! Jet setting, schmoozing, sitting courtside, wining and dining…it was purely the ultimate dream come true. Unforgettable, priceless, and perfect!
  • Years and years of cheers and tears, amazing partnership, and comraderie.

We tapered off going to the games these last few years. Gregger was busy, I had back problems, and it just seemed easier to watch the games together at home. But our loyalty never wavered. It always humored me when Gregger started yelling at the refs…”Traveling! Traveling! Are you kidding me?” He would say the same thing over and over again as if it would change the call. We would high-five each other, knuckle bump, and do all kinds of crazy things when the game got close, but it was a diversion from the stress of the day and brought us joy. It was  essential to check out the coach, the announcers, and The Clotherie “goods” on TV – make sure everything was showing up as it should. 99% of the time he was pretty proud. I loved seeing that in his face. I knew the hours, the heart, and the passion that brought everything to fruition, so it gave me a sense of pride too.

imageGregger’s long standing relationship with this incredible organization came full circle on September 24th, 2014. We received a call from the “top” telling us that US Airways was the only venue that could house all of the people who would attend Gregger’s memorial. Not only were we stunned to assume such an outpouring of love, but we were astounded by this generous honor.  So the sun set on my Gregger in the home of his Suns with more than 1000 fans tearfully bidding him adieu. It was an amazing tribute to an extraordinary man. He was honored with his own jersey – #13, his lucky number. I know he was watching that day. I know he could feel the love, the embrace of his biggest fans.

I went to one game this year. I saw Gregger everywhere. I saw his face, I felt his fist bump, I heard his cheers. I love the Suns and always will, but it just will never be the same without my cheer buddy by my side. Thanks Suns for 30 great years…here’s to a better season next year from one of your forever fans!

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The Suite Case - A True Love Fairytale

The Suitcase

a place for everything

You can tell a lot about a man by the way he packs his clothes. Percentage weighs heavily on the side of women packing for their men, whether it be that men don’t want to be bothered or they just don’t know how. In my case, the Gregger was clearly the BETTER PACKER! In fact, he was OCD meticulous! Packing for a trip in this house could literally lead to World War III. Our big issue…I was “check-in” and he was “carry on!”  To the Gregger, packing was an architechural or engineering project using every dimension of the smallest proportion to get as much as possible into the smallest space. On the other hand, I was totally inept when it came to packing. No matter how hard I tried to limit myself, I would overpack “just in case.” So we bantered back and forth. His point: I overpacked, would never wear it all, and it was a waste of space. My point: I would be best prepared for all occasions, all moods, which, in the end, would make him abundantly happier! His point: he was efficient, precise, and a time-saver (no waiting for bags, no chance of lost baggage, etc.). My point: when traveling, who cares? Chill out!

Needless to say, the bantering continued just about every time either or both of us traveled. I think it became some sort of game. He would certainly not dare give in to more than one suitcase, lest he show any sign of packing weakness. And, I certainly would never learn to pack less than half my closet!

 

suitcases 2

Now for most people packing is a day before, night before happening. Not in our house. This was literally a 2-3 day affair. I kid you not! Day one: the rolling rack appeared in the bedroom so Gregger could start “pulling” his clothes. This was a painstaking, detail-oriented affair focused on fusing the necessary pieces into the perfect ensembles. Minimilization was key…the fewer the pieces to mix and match the bigger the win! Rules of the game: one or two sport coats for a four or five day trip, a shirt for every day, maybe one or two extra “just in case,” and generally two or three pants that were rotated. Everything mixed and matched to perfection. Then came shoes to coordinate (he was only allotted a certain number), socks and underwear for everyday (obviously for Mr. Meticulous!), pocket squares for the super savvy, and then the royal dobb kit! Now that was a packing procedure in itself. Every item had its own plastic bag, wrapped again in more plastic and then placed sequentially as if solving a puzzle. It was quite the process.

Our last trip together was no different. The rolling rack appeared in the bedroom by Wednesday. Shorts, t-shirts, Lulu outfits, and underwear were laid out by Thursday. The good shirts were carefully hung and were folded and wrapped (yes, wrapped in plastic!) on Friday. I was so excited for the trip I didn’t care how he went about packing. At this point it was fun watching him make it all work. In the meantime I had emptied more than half my closet into two full suitcases and was very ready to go! When all was said and done, we jammed 9 suitcases and 5 backpacks into the van upon arrival in Maui! We were prepared for just about anything…well, just about anything.

In 40 years I NEVER once packed for the Gregger. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I just knew I could never do it the way he did. I don’t think anyone could! It was truly an art. Packing and unpacking was his thing. He knew where things went and how to put them away. I certainly never wanted my first packing experience to be the one it turned out to be, but I had no choice. September 3rd I was faced with the most difficult packing chore of my life. Not only did I have to pack Gregger’s suitcase, but I had to return home without him. This was something I had to do alone. I spent some time folding, sorting, and trying to carefully place each item the way he would want me to, but eventually I just didn’t care anymore. I threw away the plastic bags we had saved for years. I tossed shoes in on top of clothes and ignored the rule of wrapping. The tears were flowing too heavily. I just needed to get that bag packed somehow. Each shirt reminded me of something. The only thing I took special care with was his straw hat. I wrapped it, stuffed it, and protected it. I knew how much that hat meant to him, and it would forever remind me of our last trip together. He would hate the way I packed that suitcase.

I was cleaning my closet the other day and thought, “Okay it’s time, but, as always I stopped in my tracks.” The vivid, lime green duffle still lies on the floor, unpacked. I move it from side to side. I open it now and then thinking I might start to unpack, but then I put everything back in place. It just seems too final. I will unpack it one of these days, but until then, I see it everyday and it’s just a little piece of the Gregger that is still there. It reminds me of his meticulous nature, his savvy style, and our quirky bantering over silly things. I’m just not ready to let it go. I will be soon enough. 2013-09-21 06.08.27

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luck of the irish - A True Love Fairytale

True Luck ‘o the Irish

imageWe were never big on St. Paddy’s Day. It was just one of those holidays that kind of passed us by in the middle of March. If it crossed our minds, we wore green to avoid being pinched, but that was the extent of our participation. B.K. (before kids) I think we did our share of partying with the gang, and I remember a very unsuccessful attempt at corned beef and cabbage! The butcher mistakenly gave me a brisket (somehow realizing I was Jewish?) but we were expecting this Irish delicacy that turned into disaster! In later years Gregger celebrated with a smooth glass of Irish Jameson whisky. What better excuse to cheers to good old St. Paddy.

But suddenly even this holiday is so different. Every holiday is different when there is no one to share it with anymore. I saw a green shirt hanging in his closet and thought that maybe he could wear that to work today. If not, I could tease him and pinch him, but he wasn’t here. I still see his Jameson in the pantry and I want to pour him a glass tonight but he won’t be home to drink it. I believe he is celebrating somewhere with a Jameson in hand.

The more I read about St. Paddy’s Day the more it brings a smile to my face. It is all about bringing joy, luck, and happiness into people’s lives. Whether you believe in the luck of the Irish, the shamrock, the leprachaun, or rainbows, it’s all beautiful. I believe the message spans all nationalities and religions. It is simple and reminds me so much of Gregger. Be kind, be gracious, and be thankful for your blessings. I am reminded everyday to bimagee grateful for the true blessings in my life, and despite losing my greatest blessing, I have many.

Cheers to all of you!

 

 

The Letter - A true love fairytale

The Letter

GreggerI was the writer in the family. But on the Hallmark occasions Gregger came through. Always two.. one, mushy, sweet, romantic and another, goofy with sexual inuendos. No complaints…I knew too many people who came up empty-handed. Signed with special messages of love, I saved just about every one. Boxes and boxes of all cards and letters dating back forty years. We were Hallmark’s dream couple. Digging through my closet today I discovered a different kind of Love Letter from the Gregger…this wasn’t covered in flowers or caricatures with sexy bodies…it was a Family Love Letter for A Time of Confusion. I don’t ever remember seeing this letter, although I have vague memories of discussing something like this. It must have been one of the moments I turned off, tuned out, and buried my head in the sand. He must have been talking death, dying, or something that was completely unforseeable in my present state. I had no use for such inane conversations…little did I know this WAS my FUTURE.

 Gregger was the guy who smiled…at everyone. He never let you know if he was having a good day or a bad day. Gregger wanted to hear YOUR story. He wanted to make things better for you…fix things. He was the GIVER, never the taker.  Gregger started writing this letter in May of 2012. It tells a tale of a wonderful husband and father who lay awake at night because he:

  • did not feel he was providing well enough for his family
  • knew he was not taking good enough care of himself
  • worried about the “what ifs”
  • worried he could lose everything he worked for
  • worried about his family’s security
  • believed he was making a living, but not making a life
  • wanted to do more, be more for his family
  • knew his work was never done…always thinking of ways to be bigger, better, greater, grander

I can’t say I didn’t know. I begged to lift the load or at least lighten it a little…he wanted to carry it all. He was SUPER GREGGER. He worked hard, played hard, loved hard, and, obviously, worried hard. He worried about me, the kids, but he did it with a smile. He would tell me he had a bad day, but then he would say it would all be okay. Nothing bad ever lasted more than a few minutes. He wouldn’t let it, or he wouldn’t let me see it.  In the true essence of the word, he was our Hero…the man with the HEART of GOLD. Gregger could never do enough, be enough, give enough. He would drop anything for just about anyone, anywhere, anytime. Even while on vacay in Maui he was trying to get special buttons for one of his clients. He was searching his Ipad every morning in desperation. Really? Wasn’t he supposed to be taking a break? Not the Gregger! It was the best of him, the worst of him. It was what made him Gregger. The best answers came in Gregger’s Love Letter…

What do you want to be known for? “Being a good person.” A good person? Gregger…you were a GREAT person. You were the BEST person I will ever know.

What is most important to you? “My family.” Yes, Gregger…we feel your love each and every day. We feel it from the clouds, the sun, and the stars.

And we are all better people because you touched our lives.Gregger thinking

 

The Fourth Child - A True Love Fairytale

Our Fourth Child T.C.

Greg best image

 

 

 

Gregger and I were blessed with three beautiful children, Adam, Ryan, and Ashley, two in-laws, Katrina and Tyler, and two adorable grandchildren, Jacob and Liliana. This was the crux of our family and in forty years together we had our share of love, traumas, aggravation, and more love. In addition to this blessed family, we had a fourth child…T.C. Gregger had so much love and passion for this child. He nurtured it, “fed” it, watched it tumble, grow, and eventually become nationally recognized for outstanding achievements. While I was extremely proud of T.C., I often experienced jealousy, annoyance, and resentment. How could I possibly feel that way for a child that Gregger loved so dearly? Was this not one of my own? Well, in a way it would always be a part of me, but it was clearly more near and dear to Gregger’s heart. You see, T.C. was Gregger’s life’s passion.  T.C. was The Clotherie. This was Gregger’s life work.

In the beginning this was going to be a shortstop on the way to something bigger. When we landed in Phoenix in 1977 without a home, jobs, or any financial security, this was the only job offer that seemed plausible after three hopeless interviews. Gregger took a leap of faith and 38 years later T.C. was no longer something he adopted, it was his life blood. He started at the bottom and worked his way to the top. But T.C. took a toll on him and on us at times. As in all fairytales,we battled our share of demons to get to our “happy” place. Gregger sacrificed family times for T.C. times. I sacrificed Gregger time for the times he spent traveling or working late.

“Happy is the man who can make a living by his hobby.”

 T.C. caused his fair share of arguments. Spats over priorities was a biggie. Looking back it’s comical that Gregger spent the day at a trunk show while I lay panting in labor at the hospital. It was his first Canali trunk show of the season. It was our first baby! He raced back and forth to the hospital between clients, silently praying I could hold off until the end of the business day. I almost made it, but not quite. Second time, imagine my nerve when I unexpectedly went into labor three weeks before my scheduled c-section in the middle of a work day!  By then Gregger learned, babies and T.C. are no competition for one another! Babies win!

Gregger’s biggest dilemma was he never knew how, when and where to stop giving. It was never that Gregger loved T.C. more than us. His passion and love were because of us. His passion for T.C. was to make our lives better. I learned to embrace his passion for T.C., and the more I did, the more he tried to let go…a little bit. He gave up T.C. on Sundays and made that our special day. Mind you, T.C. was just a phone call and a text away. The Gregger was never unplugged, but I learned to accept that too. He just loved it that much. And I loved him even more. I believe when you really, truly love someone you learn to embrace their passions even if it means sacrificing a little bit of yourself. In the end, I really gave up nothing. I became happier because he was happier. It was a win-win for both of us.success-is-not-the-key-to-happiness-happiness-is-the-key-to-success-if-you-love-what-you-are-doing-you-will-be-successful27

T.C. was an integral part of OUR fairytale. Always was, always will be. There are no price tags for the lessons in love, life, loyalty, honesty, dedication, and passion. I learned to respect Gregger for his passion. I learned to give him space and time to build his dreams. I can’t pinpoint the moment in time, but at some point our dreams melded into one. We were on the same path, headed in the same direction. We took lots of turns along the way. Sometimes I went right and he went left, but eventually we met in the middle and found our way together.

“Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.”

T.C. belongs to someone else now.  It’s still as chic, savvy, and stylish as it’s been for the past 47 years. The supporting team still stands.  It hurts my heart to visit T.C. these days.  Gregger’s presence is dissipating, but his legacy lives on. Steve Jobs said, “”Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”  The Gregger never settled. He climbed his mountain all the way to the top and enjoyed it every step of the way…the challenges, the struggles, the joys, but most of all the people he met along the way. He truly loved “his” people…they were all part of “his” family. Thank you T.C. for being part of our family for all those years. You will always hold a special place in our hearts because you hold a piece of the Gregger. We will miss you.

love-your-job

chip chip hooray - a true love fairytale

Chip, Chip Hooray!

tortillas

So February 24th was National Tortilla Chip Day…I discovered almost every food is worthy of it’s own National celebration day, but National Tortilla Chip Day, this one would probably make Gregger smile more than his birthday, our anniversary or the birth of his children! Tortilla chips – even on his worst day, these would make that man smile! Round or triangulated, slightly salty, crunchy, crispy…simply irresistible! Every night the bag awaited him accompanied by his favorite salsa…sometimes chunky, sometimes smooth…sometimes mango mixed or black bean and corn. He munched and we caught up on the events of the day…his work, my “whatever.” A night without chips was a day unfulfilled. Best dinner…NACHOS! He would choose that over rib-eye, chicken parm, or any of his other favs. Chips covered with melted cheese melted the man’s heart (along with a cold Corona Light on the side!).

Follwing an indulgent Mediterranean cruise, Gregger gave up his precious and prized chips. He, along with our son and son-in-law, decided to compete in a weight loss challenge, so he replaced his prized chips with baby carrots…UGH! He was a beast without those chips! Did he really think carrots were going to fulfill the salty, crunchy satisfaction his chips gave him each evening? I do believe it was some sort of stress relief…that chewing, chomping, crunch. I’d trade a little paunch (not that he ever had one) for the joy of his nightly tortilla indulgence.

And that man knew his chips…no Doritos or Tostitos for him…it had to be the real deal! I hit a home run the day I discovered Whole Foods homemade variety. Now, nothing was too good for the kids or me, but, when it came to him, God forbid I went a little over the top! When he saw the price tag on those chips, his immediate response was, “Are you out of your mind? Are these chips made of gold?” One bite in and he was hooked! He would savor those suckers down to the last crumb. If I dared throw out a bag with even a crumb in sight…YIKES! You would have thought I was tossing out the winning lottery ticket! I had to time the buying of these precious bags just right…three at a time so they stayed fresh and then I prayed Whole Foods had stock. If not, it meant schlepping from one W.F. to the next because a night without chips just wasn’t the same…and substituting another brand at this point just didn’t fill the bill. He could detect a phony chip slipped into the bag with his eyes closed. This guy was impossible to buy anything for (Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries), but give him the perfect chip and he was one happy man.

I still have a bag of crunched up crumbs in my pantry…I’m sure they are stale and should have been thrown out months ago…I just don’t have the heart. So cheers National Chip Day…here’s to your chips and my Gregger!

nachos

the smile - atrue love fairytale

The Smile

Pitti Uomo June 14' 606

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You’ll get by…
If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile…

Because of his smile, he made my life more beautiful. Gregger had the greatest smile…tooth-bearing, eye-twinkling grin…seriously, his smile just melted my heart. Even in the worst of times (I could be seething mad at him!), he would tug at the corners of his mouth, contorting them to a smug boyish grin, until I could no longer contain my rage…I mellowed from ranting rage to nearly quiet calm.

If Gregger smiled at you, he touched your heart. His smile embraced you like a hug, warmed you like a steaming mug of hot chocolate, and softened sadness like a warm summer sunset. His smile reached out to me several days after he left this earth…sitting on the shore, letting the waves slap at my thighs, feeling the sand sift through my toes, I looked up at the perfectly clear blue sky to see a strand of billowing clouds far off in the distance. These weren’t just any clouds…they were fittingly congregated with an opening in the center and slightly turned up on each corner, a perfect smile. I nudged Ashley and said,
“Look…your dad is smiling at us.” The tears flowed, we believed, and we sat for 5 hours gazing at that cloud. The cloud never moved…it never changed shape…impossible, right? Wrong…this was our cloud, our smile.

Later that night while out in the village, we encountered a stranger who told us a mystical Maui belief that when someone dies you will see a cloud with an opening…she had no idea that we had stared at that cloud ALL day. We were sharing stories with her because she had recently lost her mother…she was trying to offer us comfort during a difficult time. She went on to say that the significance of the cloud is  your loved one telling you they are okay and ready for you to let them go. Ashley and I stood there in awe…how could she have known? What brought us to this place for her to tell us this story? It was a chance, random encounter, yet now we knew…the cloud, the smile, Greg. It all came together and we knew…he smiled, we smiled, and then the tears flowed.

It has been six months since Gregger’s sparkling smile graced this earth, but it is etched in stone upon my heart. It will always make my life more beautiful. It brings me sunshine on a cloudy day…it raises me up when I’m feeling down…and it gives me strength when I think there’s nothing left to give. I look to the skies for more “smiling” clouds, but I carry that Maui smile with me and know he is at peace.jameson

“The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.”