Category: Moving On

Holidays are Hard

Holidays are Hard

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

attitudeHolidays are hard. There just isn’t any easy way around it. I wake up. Be happy. Smile. Great attitude. It’s just another day. But something always feels different. Something always feels a little empty. People want to party. I’m not there yet. It’s not that I don’t like people. I do. But I don’t like going it alone. I should have Gregger with me. We should be celebrating together. I’m not ready. And that’s okay.

I started the day with a bang. Super workout. High energy. Happy people. And then I crashed. I was internalizing. Emotions running high. Thinking. Not knowing where to go or what to do with all the emotions. Confused. Wanting to be alone. Not wanting to be alone. At breakfast the music played. Really? Are you here? “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” I choked back the tears. It had to be a message. I haven’t heard it for so long. Letting me know he was okay. Telling me I’m okay. It’s okay to enjoy this day of independence. I didn’t want it to stop playing. I strained my ears to hear the words. The melody. The music. Please keep playing. Don’t go away. But it did. The highlight of my day. He touched me. He was there with me. I was going to be okay.  attitude 2

Another holiday. Another first. Another day we would have spent just being. My day was quiet. But that’s okay. Tomorrow I’ll be ready for the noise.

attitude 1

there is always hope

There is Always Hope

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

hope 3“I’m strong, but sometimes I break.” Sunday I broke. Sunday sucked! There is no easy way to put it. I tried. I struggled all week long. I prepared myself for Father’s Day. I thought I would be okay. I made plans. I cancelled them. I decided to spend the day alone. It was a good decision. I needed the space. I needed the time. I needed to grieve. It was one of the toughest days I’ve gone through in almost 10 months. Why? I’m not really sure. I was sad for me. I was sad for Gregger. But, most of all, I was sad for my kids. I just couldn’t get over the hump. I cried a million tears. I cried on my way to OT (my happy place). I cried on my way home. I cried every time my phone rang. I cried walking Lucy. I cried listening to some of my favorite songs. Everything reminded me of Gregger. He was embracing me ALL day long. And I was REALLY missing him. My friends and family were AMAZING. I am so blessed to have such wonderful people in my circle. The love and support poured through my phone, social media, and the airwaves all day into the night. Thank you to everyone.I had a cheering squad to support my personal efforts. Throughout the day I was chanting, “I can do this. I can make it. I will get through this day. Keep on truckin’.” Minute by minute. Hour by hour. And I did. I was wiped out. Spent. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Day over.

hope 2I woke up this morning with a new sense of hope. Today is a new day. This is the way life will cycle. I accept that. But it’s been a good day. Strangers have reached out and touched my heart. They simply stopped to say hello. Old friends messaged with words of encouragement. New friends spent time chatting and sharing. Hope. A bottomless pool of emotional strength. A place to turn when the going gets tough. A place to see the future as a better place. It’s not hoping things will get better, but believing things will be better. Life will always present challenges. This was definitely my BIGGEST. But with a little hope each and every day, I’ll jump the hurdles when I cross them. Because I believe I can. The “firsts.” The heartaches. Just plain old missing Gregger. Hope. It makes me smile. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

orange theory fitness

Falling in Love Again…Not with a Who, but a What!

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

beach 2 (1)I have fallen in love again. Not with a who, but a what! San Diego. I have truly fallen in love with this city. The beauty, the charm, the weather, the people! June 11th marked my one-month anniversary. I may have given some the impression that I was unhappy, melancholy, lonely. No. I LOVE it here. As I’ve said before,”Some days just really SUCK! But bad days don’t last forever. They make the good ones seem GREAT!” For every bad day, I have six good ones. I’d say that’s a winning record, so I’ll keep going in that direction. I’ve met some wackos, but I’ve met some amazing people. Nice people. Kind people. Generous people. The kind of people who put their hands and hearts out for strangers and welcome them to a new city.

strength 2Truth be told, I don’t miss the scorching temps of Arizona summer heat! Don’t get me wrong. I love Phoenix/Scottsdale! We fell in love in Tempe, raised a family in Scottsdale, and grew a business in Phoenix. What is there not to love? 40 years of awesomeness! But without Gregger, it was lonely. People ask me, “Why San Diego?” It must be because my kids live here. NO! Actually, we have yet to spend a day together. Ashley landed a new job and is slammed. They have their own lives. I have to make my own too.

treadmillI was lucky enough to walk back into a place I have always called “home.” It’s a place that would be “home” in any city, but here, it has made my life easy. There’s no better way to kick start my mornings. PO-WER WORK-OUT! The BEST workout in the U-S of A! No, I don’t work for the company, nor do I get paid for promotions. I simply LOVE the way this place embraces every person who walks in their doors. It’s like hanging with BEST friends on a daily basis. From desk to trainers to work-out cronies. I felt welcome from day one over 3 1/2 years ago, and I feel just as welcome today. I knew when I moved to San Diego that this would be my base. A welcoming place. A social place. A friendly place. I knew I could walk in the doors and be okay with all the other crap going on in my life. No one knew my story. I could choose to tell or not to tell. I could just be me. Whatever “me” I chose to be. The first few days I stood with my head low, waiting for class to start. Walls were up. I was closed off. But slowly those walls broke down, and in a matter of days I was meeting the kindest people. Loving, good-hearted, welcoming people. It’s just that kind of place.

weightsToday, as any other day, I couldn’t wait to get to my “happy place.” I couldn’t wait to get my butt kicked. Sweat. Feel good. I was rockin’ it on the treadmill. Run to row. Squat presses and back again. Killer workout. And then the music changed. “Happy.” Gregger’s song. I was pumping it out and suddenly my heart pounded out of my chest. Tears welled up in my eyes. I was smiling and tearing all at once. My heart was beating. I could feel him pushing me. And I could see his smile. That’s the Gregger song. That’s the “Happy” song. Infectious happiness that makes you smile. Ultimate Gregger. Reminding me to be happy, smile, and keep on pushing. It was one of those weird moments. But they happen. They will always happen. But I was in my happy place. Hearing my “happy” song.

OTF-LogoSo I’ll continue to go back to my happy place. And what is this place? ORANGETHEORY FITNESS!  I’ll get my butt kicked. I’ll sweat. But I’ll smile. Feel good. OT is about one step at a time. One minute, 30 seconds. The base, the push, the all-out. LIFE. On my tough days, I use the OT approach. Bad day? Dig deep for one minute, one hour, one day, one week. Push through, all out effort and I’m stronger the next time I get knocked on my butt. Focus on what’s in front of me. The moment. The now. Every day I grow a little stronger, physically and emotionally. More self-confident. More powerful. More in control of my life. More in control of “me.” More patient. I meet new people. But more than that, I leave feeling good from the inside out. What a great way to start the day! After that, it’s all uphill!

So thanks, San Diego. Thanks, OT. Thanks for helping me fall in love again. Not with a who, but a WHAT! It’s a start and it feels darn good!

strength

A San Diego State of Mind

A San Diego State of Mind

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

IMG_1389After spending a low-key weekend chilling by the pool, I had a jillion emotions running through me. I was trying to relax, but my insides were stirring like an erupting volcano. I felt guilty. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be living like I’m on vacation. Alone. It wasn’t right. I have been in San Diego for almost a month now. I’ve been pretending it’s okay. Sometimes it is. I’ve met some wonderful people. But there is a huge empty hole. It’s just weird. There is no other way to describe it. It comes and goes in waves. One minute life seems almost normal. Well, a “new” normal. The next, it’s not. I try to establish a routine. I rise and shine at the same time each morn. I walk Lucy. I savor my cup of joe, scan email, scour social media. I workout. People! Social time. Talking. For a few minutes before class. And then it’s over. Time to sweat. And then people are on their way. Onto their lives. Busy. Kids. Husbands. Work.  I stop at the store for nothing better to do. Sprouts, Vons, Walgreens. Anywhere. It’s a time excuse. I must need SOMETHING. Back home. Lucy greets me with such unconditional love. Wet kisses, yaps, and more kisses. We walk, she pees, we go home. Now, what? It’s only noon. What do we do to fill our day?  Some days we go to Starbucks. I sit and write. She snuggles under the table on her favorite Santa hat, gnawing on a bone, and watches people.

Dogs Talking about Dog ParkAfternoons. We discovered the dog park. What a fun adventure. Not so much for me. Fun for Lucy. I watch. I smile. I find joy. She prances. She plays. She comes back to see where I am. Then she’s off again. All the dogs are bigger than her. She doesn’t care. She thinks she’s bigger than they are. I share small talk with some of the dog owners. What kind of dog is that? A teacup yorkie. What kind is yours? How old is she? Just 11 months. Oh,  she’s still a puppy. Yes, but she’ll stay that small. The banter is always the same. And then they move on.

CHANGE QUOTEThis weekend I was at the pool for two days. I thought it might be an opportunity to meet people in the complex. Interesting. I saw some of the same people. Silence. Eyes averted. Okay. I get it. No conversation. Except for one older woman. Maybe that is being a bit judgemental. She was probably my age. Who knows? She sat on the edge of the pool, dangling her toes. I went to dip. She started chatting. Actually complaining, whining. “The pool is too cold. They never warm it. I’ve been living here for 4 years. They say it’s going to be 80 degrees and this is no 80 degrees. I’ve complained for 4 years and they do nothing. I tell other people to complain, but no one complains. My husband complains, but they do nothing.” Okay. Nice conversation. It gets better. She tells me they moved because they lost their beautiful house. Her husband screwed up. He lost everything. She was mad at him. At some point, it comes up in the convo that I’m new in the area. Why? I recently lost my husband and I’m looking to make a move. “I almost lost my husband. He almost died. But he didn’t. I don’t know why. But he didn’t. He lived.” Okay. You are lucky. “Well. Sometimes. I realized he does a lot of things around the house. And sometimes it’s really quiet when he’s not there.” By that point, I wanted to walk away but was trying to be polite. I quietly mentioned that I just wished my hubby was there to be with me. We were best friends and spent a lot of time together. She didn’t get it. She just rambled on about her sister and her husband. Her sister couldn’t wait to be alone. Lovely! Just the words a widow is longing to hear. My phone started buzzing. Saved by the bell!

life (1)So as I lay on my lounge, trying to relax in the sunshine, I felt empty. I wanted Gregger to be there. I shouldn’t be in this place alone. But I don’t want to be home either. So it’s limbo land. It was just one of those days. Tomorrow will be better. I’ll meet different people. I’ll have better conversations. I’ll fill the void. But I can’t help thinking that WE should be here, not just ME. I’ll get over that hurdle too. It’s just a little bump in the road before I’m back on smooth ground.

 

writers block

Writer’s Block

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

DSC_0749I have had severe writer’s block the past few days. My brain feels like it is swirling. Memories going in and out, fading, fighting to come forefront. It’s an emotional turmoil of sadness, anger, frustration, and emptiness. I start writing, stumble and stop. I fight to focus. I can’t.

This started a few days ago after reading Sheryl Sandberg’s profound message on Facebook. It marked the end of her 30-day religious mourning period for her husband, Dave Goldberg. Not only could I personally relate to her story, but her words touched my soul so deeply. I wanted to reach out. I wanted to say, “I know. I feel. I understand.” People say these words. They mean well. But they don’t always get it. I really do. Unfortunately, I have really been there. I have been in those same shoes.

The outpouring of heartfelt responses was astounding. But it reminded me of the difficulty of finding a community in which to share the grief. You would think it would be simple. It is not. While a variety of grief groups are available throughout the country, finding a match is challenging. Reading Sheryl Sandberg’s words was comforting. It offered a connection, kinship. Her words touched more than 635,000 people who shared it over 271,000 times. What a gift that such sensitive words regarding death, growth, and blessings have reached so many across the world. Similar to her message, I stated in earlier posts that there is a lesson in everything. I don’t know that it is always there for us to see. I think we may have to wait to find the answers. But it is there. It is waiting for us. I am growing every day. I am learning to be alone. I am learning to let go. I am learning to be so grateful for every moment. I repeat that message over and over again, but it is worth repeating. It cannot be said enough.grief

I went back four months to reread some of my past posts. My writing has given me my own community. Whether one person or two thousand support my effort, I am grateful. It has given me strength on my weakest days. Hugs from friends and strangers arrive in the form of “likes,” “shares,” and beautiful comments and replies. They embrace me in a way that I could never express to friends, old and new. I hope Sheryl is feeling some of that love in the realization that her message touched so many people’s hearts. It is so true when she said she “lived thirty years in thirty days.” Life changes so quickly. Death forces you to change in the blink of an eye. The emptiness, the darkness is torturous. Ready or not, you go or stay stuck. As Sheryl said, she chose “life and meaning.” So did I. Gregger would not have wanted it any other way. Some days it feels like the hardest of choices, but just like the little red engine, I say, “I think I can, I KNOW I can.” In one of my first posts I wrote, “Life has changed and it’s time to move forward. It doesn’t stop, it keeps on going, so I do too. It’s my choice. Be happy, be grateful. It’s the only choice. I have a treasure trove of memories to share. It’s how I keep the happily ever after alive.”

Friends and family called, emailed, and FB messaged to share Sheryl’s link with me. “Her writings remind me of you.” “It made me think of you and the lessons you share.” “Keep inspiring others.” If my writings can inspire one or one million people to cherish the moments, be grateful for blessings, be compassionate, kind, forgive and let go, and appreciate the simple things in life, I am grateful. I have shared Gregger’s legacy. I have grown. I am heading toward my “new normal.”

hiking with gregger (1)
Growing Through Something

Growing Through Something

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

2015-02-05 15.52.05“When you are experiencing uncomfortable circumstances you can choose your disposition about your position.  You can either say you are ‘going’ through something or  you can say you are ‘GROWING’ through something.”

The first of so many great lessons, to say I am “growing through something” EVERY DAY is a grand understatement. My eyes are wide open to the lessons in front of me. These are the BEST 25 lessons I’ve collected in the past nine months, and it’s only the beginning!   LIFE 4

  1. Some days just really SUCK! But bad days don’t last forever. They make the good ones seem GREAT.
  2. Let go of expectations. The result will ALWAYS be BETTER.
  3. Stop trying to be ok all of the time. If I feel angry, be angry. If I feel sad, cry. If I feel happy, laugh. But don’t repress emotions just to be ok.
  4. It’s okay to show a sign of weakness. I can’t always be the STRONG one. I can try, but I might not always succeed.
  5. Be honest with myself. Be honest with others. Holding back will only end up hurting one of us.
  6. Surround myself with positive people. Let go of those who do not support, share, or listen. Negativity weighs me down.
  7. Hold on tight to the BEST people in my life. Recognize the blessings and be grateful for those friends and family for they are the greatest gift.
  8. Take care of me. I’m the only one I have. (I have never been good at this. It is a real learning process.)
  9. Forgive. Let go. Forgive myself. Freedom.
  10. Follow my dreams whatever they may be. (Again, a really hard one.)
  11. Starting a new chapter doesn’t mean I am closing the last one. The words, pictures, and memories will always be there so I can turn back the page.
  12. Accept that plans change. Big life plans, small plans, any plans. It sucks, but it’s real. Acceptance and flexibility are the only roads to take.
  13. There are no mistakes if I learn and grow. (Tough, tough, tough for a perfectionist!!)
  14. There’s no such thing as “woulda, shoulda, coulda,” or the big “WHAT IF.”
  15. Don’t waste my time being upset about something I cannot change. Sometimes it just is what it is. Accept it. Or if there is room for change, start over and do it better the next time.
  16. Live so that if people were to talk about me, they couldn’t find “bad” words to say.
  17. Cherish the moments. Life is just WAY too short.
  18. Step out of my box in order to make changes. Otherwise, I just stay stuck.
  19. Communication, trust, and respect are key. Don’t shut down now.
  20. One step at a time is the only way to move forward. Not stepping at all is going nowhere.
  21. There is no timeline or deadline for healing.
  22. Smile – it feels good even when I don’t.   LIFE 5
  23. Trust my gut. I get it right every time!
  24. Follow my heart. I am the only one who has to live with my decisions.
  25. Sit back, enjoy the ride. See what life brings. It’s not what it used to be. It’s not what I planned. It’s not what I wanted. But it’s the only life I’ve got. Why not make the most of it? It’s the BEST choice I’ve got!LIFE 2

 

 

moment of gratitude

An Attitude of Gratitude

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

blessing“The more you recognize and express gratitude for the things you have, the more things you will have to express gratitude for.” The million dollar question these days is, “How do you make it through each day?” The million dollar answer…I count my blessings. I am grateful for the beautiful life I had with Gregger, for the memories, and the family we created together. I am grateful for the strength he gave me to move forward. Gratitude truly unlocks so many treasures. It allows sadness to melt away. It forges its way to forgiveness. It creates a sense of well-being. It makes simple seem abundant.

gratitude (1)It took me a long time to have an attitude of gratitude. Basically, I was a little bit of a “downer.” I thought the world was against me. I think I had a fairly negative outlook on life. Even if things were going well, I was waiting for the ball to drop. I didn’t know how to enjoy the “ups” because I was too busy anticipating the coming of the “downs.” Gregger was different. He was the “up” guy. He didn’t get my negativity. While he wasn’t all sunshine, roses, and lollipops, he smiled through the tough stuff and knew something better was on the other side. I would go to sleep at night and tell myself, “I am going to wake up in the morning and be positive. I am going to be grateful and happy.” It didn’t work that way. It wasn’t in my soul. Not yet.

yoga (2)About 10 years ago I made a significant change in my life. I retired from the fitness industry after 17 years. My body had taken a pretty good pounding after teaching 10-15 classes a week of old school high impact and step aerobics. I needed something different. My mom had tried to convince me to give yoga a whirl, but I wasn’t ready for something so “slow” and, quite frankly, boring. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. It just seemed too quiet, monotonous, no sweat, no pain, and a waste of my time. But I needed something NEW. One day, on a whim, I dropped into a free hot yoga class. I was a bit intimidated, but decided it was worth a second shot. The challenges were unfamiliar but fresh and inspiring.  Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I had to focus. I had to stare face to face in the mirror, accept “me” whether I balanced, faltered, or fell flat on my face. Several classes in and I was hooked. At first it was about the positions. Being the “perfectionist” I am, I challenged myself to get them right. Over and over again and again. I took class after class, sweating like a pig, challenging my body to hold without wavering, bend to the max. I knew I could do it. Somedays were better than others. It was all about focus and mind games. When it came time for savasana (corpse pose) I did not know how to surrender.  What did I need at the grocery store? What was I going to make for dinner? What errands did I need to get done? My mind was everywhere but in the present moment.  Blank. Empty. Surrendered. And then I began to listen.

yoga (3)I had spent so much of my life looking outside of myself to be happy. I always believed that other people and things would provide fulfillment. But what I was missing was that the happiness needed to come from within. I was so busy “doing” that I wasn’t just being. The peace and silence made me “aware” for the first time. I saw the beautiful blessings in my life. I felt happiness and joy within because I was grateful. Grateful for life, my family, friends, and every blessed day. Yoga became so much more than poses in a hot room. I can’t even physically practice anymore due to unfortunate back surgery. But I still practice yoga everyday. I do yoga when I’m walking. I do yoga when I’m having a difficult moment. I do yoga when I feel the need to reconnect with myself. I breathe. I feel grateful. I recognize my blessings.

This past year has given me a greater appreciation for my blessings. I wake up each day grateful for what I have, what I had, and what the day may bring. Even the crappiest days (and there are many) have “light.” I can take a breath. I can open my eyes. I can see what is right in front of me. I can feel blessed. I can be grateful. I can be happy in the worst of times because life itself is a gift. Thank you yoga for opening my eyes, for allowing me to find peace and happiness within. So the million dollar question, “How do you make it through each day?” I breathe. I count my blessings. And I am grateful.

gratitude 2

Life Change

Change

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

choices and change2My life these past 8 1/2 months has been all about change. As we live our life we go through so many changes. We grow, we marry, we have children, and then we are alone again. We are constantly changing, constantly growing, learning, evolving. Staying stagnant does not seem to be an option. It seems boring and useless. So we keep moving. We keep changing. But death is the ultimate change. It changes the lives of so many people. It’s not just about the one who died, but those left behind. I am no longer a wife. I am now a widow. I no longer focus my energy on making someone else happy. He is no longer here. My days and nights change, my relationships change.

embrace-by-linda-wood (1)I have two choices. I can fight the change or embrace it. I choose to embrace it. There are times the change makes me angry, sad and frustrated. I’m angry Gregger’s not here. I’m frustrated I have to deal with these people and tedious tasks I don’t understand. I want to walk away. But I can’t. But then I know I am taking control. I am doing something. And that gives me a sense of power.

“Every moment that changes your life changes who you are.”

I resisted change. I was such a creature of habit, even a little OCD. It drove Gregger crazy. I loved routine. I woke up at the same time. I followed the same patterns. I was not good at spontaneity. I ate the same foods – EVERY DAY! I was boring. He was a routine guy too, but he could change things up a little better than me. He could NOT and would NOT break his morning pattern. Bike with sports page, read rest of paper with first cup of coffee, shower with second cup of coffee, dress and breakfast (yes, simultaneously), and gone! But throw a curve ball for some fun social action and he was far more game than me. I needed notice, mental prep time. Call me strange, but it’s one of my quirks.

every day 2Six years ago I wrote on my timeline, “Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in everyday.” I believe that is part of my change. It is about finding the good. Losing my best friend has given me a greater awareness for the beauty, the love, and the life that surrounds me. I made a HUGE change several days ago. I moved from my home to a new city. It may not be a permanent move right now, but it’s for a long enough period of time that I have to figure things out. Not everything went as perfectly as planned. But it’s okay. I’ve got a new place and I am looking on each day as a new adventure. What will Lucy and I discover today? We will venture out into unknown territory. Maybe we will find our new Starbucks, talk to a stranger, or simply hang out in the beautiful weather together. It’s okay. I will embrace the change one day at a time for whatever it brings me. These are a few of my welcomed, yet unexpected changes:

1. No cable, TV, or internet as scheduled for 2 days…completely disconnected makes me focus on me. I thought I would freak without noise, but instead I savored the silence. I survived.

2. Small space. Kind of cool. Everything fit. Less mess, less cleaning. Can’t complain.

3. Unknown territory. Thank goodness for navigation system. It works. It got me where I needed to go. Again, I survived.

4. No yard for Lucy. We walk. Great for for her, better for me. Win-win!

5. Living on the second floor. Climbing stairs. Lugging groceries. Lots of bags. Great exercise!

6. Cool weather. No complaints! Sweatshirt on and I’m ready to roll. Love it!

new lifeWhile it felt like life was ending, this is a beginning. My first beginning in 40 years. This is truly the first time I have EVER been on my own. Talk about change! Talk about learning! Talk about growing! I will embrace this and see where the journey takes me. I will forever be grateful to Gregger for giving me the strength to stand on my own two feet. I am no longer the little girl he married 39 years ago. Thank you Gregger for guiding me with your love and wisdom to become strong and independent. It was your greatest gift to me today. I love you now and forever.

 

And So The Adventure Begins

And So The Adventure Begins…

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment


IMG_2121I’ve moved three significant times in my life. Three moves, three disparate emotions; freaky scary, ebulliently joyful, melancholy and skeptical, yet crazy and venturous. The first time was terrifying, lonely, and challenging in immeasurable ways. I was merely eight years old. I was moving from my childhoom home to a brand new city, starting out in a new school in the middle of the school year. I was leaving my friends behind. I didn’t know a soul. I walked into my new classroom the first day and had to take a test, not knowing the material. I was a straight “A” student and failed. I was devastated. I thought the world had come to an end. I did not think I would survive. Eventually I did. I made friends. I never failed another test. And in a short while I loved my new home.

I left several times for college, but they were never permanent moves. Not until I met the Gregger. After a whirlwind romance at Arizona State University and a wedding in St. Louis, we packed our bags for the Cornhusker State. Gregger was off to work with his dad at their family business (Marcus Department Store) in Council Bluffs, Iowa while I finished up my special ed degree at University of Nebraska-Omaha. Moving as a new bride was wondrous and overwhelming all in one breath. I was setting up “our” new home in a new city. I had “his” family but no friends. Gregger’s roots were in C.B. so he felt quite at home there. We were kind of “playing house” until we realized we were never going to be able to make this our “home.” After a spring vacation to Tempe, and a wild ride trip with our college friends, we ached to be back in Arizona. We were young, carefree, and figured this was the time of our life to go. But Gregger had to break the news to his parents, most of all his dad. This was not his nature to let anyone down. Lucky for us, his parents supported our decision and off we went. No home, no jobs, no place for the movers to even deliver our furniture. But it was exhilarating! I knew it was the adventure of our lifetime.  arizona

Obviously moving to Arizona was the BEST move we ever made! Our life truly began here. This is where we built our family, our home, our dreams. We moved here 38 years ago and never looked back. We would have stayed here to celebrate our promised 75th anniversary, but…

IMG_2118So now a new adventure begins. I am packing my bags and heading to San Diego. I am packing A LOT of bags! Gregger must be roaring in laughter. Two bins shipped by FedEx, two overpacked suitcases, a large carry on, a purse, a dog, and a backpack! All of that for 2 1/2 months!   But this time I am going it alone, just Lucy and me. This feels as scary as when I was eight years old. Maybe all that “stuff” is my security blanket. I don’t have to walk into a new classroom. I don’t have to take any tests. But I am walking away from “our” life. I am walking away from the place “we” lived for 38 years. But Gregger will forever be in my heart. He will be with me wherever I go. It’s the beginning of a new journey. As I venture into unknown territory, each day will be about discovery. Discovering places, people, but most of all myself. This is the move I never wanted to make. But Gregger would want me to go. He would want me to keep “moving.” He would never want me to stop and just be. This is about life and living. I miss you Gregger. I wish you were coming with me. But I will see you in the sand, the water, the stars and the sky. And so the adventure begins…

 

Channeling my Gregger

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

anger 2A few weeks ago I was challenged by one of those life situations that just gets me in the gut. I was writhing in anger; not my prettiest moment. I don’t like feeling angry. It’s ugly, gets the best of me, and seems way too powerful. Rewind 8 months, a year. Gregger was my vent release. I’d shout, curse, blow off steam and he’d listen, sometimes patiently, sometimes not, but, bottom line, I knew he was there. Where do I go with this anger? I get angrier with myself just for being angry. It is truly a hideous emotion that sucks the energy out of me. I am a positive person. I don’t have time for such pointless emotions. Good riddance to this monstrous soul that is sucking the life out of me. So today I look to my Gregger for the angel who will bring me peace. I hear him whispering his beautiful Greggisms in my ear and offering me solace when I need it most.beinggratefulquotesBe grateful for the blessings in my life. (So many blessings, so much gratitude)

Say “I love you” a lot and mean it. (I do, I do)  

Everyone deserves a second chance…learn to forgive and love again. (I hear ya!)

Be kind. It gets you everywhere. (This is a biggie and has really paid off in your absence!)

Don’t compare your life with others. Envy is a waste of time. (You pounded this into my brain…got it Gregger!)

Focus on the positive – make peace with your past so it won’t spoil your present. (I’m trying…really I am.)

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Smile and laugh more. (Again…I’m trying…really I am but I miss your laughter!)

Agree to disagree; you don’t always have to win. (Okay, I relent!)

No one is in charge of your happiness except you. (I take charge TODAY. Let me see what I can do about this!)

Each day do something good to or for others. (Even if it’s smiling at a stranger or letting someone cross the street, I think of you.)

Cherish every moment; you never know when it will be your last. (You taught me the importance of this…I cherish, I love, and I believe.)

cherish the moment

Gregger you are with me every day giving me strength. So the Greggisms will continue to get going when the going gets tough. My rock, my salvation, my angel.   

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