Category: Moving On

Happy New Year 2016

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

Time to Be Better, Do Better

new year 3“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.”

A new year. New beginnings. Think about the past. Move into the future. Look forward. Look back.  Time for change. Time for reflection. 2015? A blur. The year of “me.” A time to learn. A time to grow. 2016? An empty page. And mine to write.

new yearSo different now. But different can be good. Right? New Year’s. I’d rather look back. Happy times. Look forward? Empty. Lonely. For now. Backwards. Full of memories. Happy times. And lots of love. So for now, I turn that way.  Maybe not my best decision. But, for now, I do. 2016. Maybe that will change.

Gregger and I were never big New Year’s Ever’s. We didn’t go for big  nights on the town. We loved quiet dinners. Stay home. Glass of wine. Jameson’s on the rocks. Cheers to a good year behind. A better year ahead. Kisses. Lots and lots of kisses. We’d make it ’til the ball dropped. “Somewhere.” Never in our hometown. Never “our” midnight. We conked out. But we made our own fun. And we were happy. It was good enough for us. It was enough. Love. Being together. Sharing. Talking. And reminiscing. Good times. The BEST times.

new year 1Funniest New Year’s? 2000. The millennium. The world was supposed to come to an end. Well, mine almost did! Invited to a grand soiree, we decided to go big or go home. So we went big! Dressed to the nines. Ready to party ’til dawn. It was THE PARTY. Full of fun, feast and flair. Only some of the feast did not agree with me. And before midnight hit, I was buried headfirst in the toilet. Violently ill. Not drunk. Food poisoning. UGH! I don’t even remember January 1st, 2000. A foggy dream. I do remember waking on the 2nd to discover a new washer and dryer. Ashley and Gregger had decided that’s what they would do while I was buried under the covers. Why not? When all else fails? Go buy a new washer and dryer.

Other New Year’s. Simple. Family times. Tennis tournaments. Travel. Football. And quiet moments. Or a little crazy. Whatever they were, we were together. That’s all that mattered. And now? I don’t know. I need to figure it out. Where do I want to go? What do I want my life to look like? What do I want to be doing? I’m trying to get there, but some days I feel stuck.

I think about changes. Changes I need to make. Changes I want to make. Resolutions. We all make them. We hear the same old, same old. Eat healthier. Exercise more. Drink less. Spend less. Save more. Wishing and wanting. Ways to improve. To be better, do better. The problem is stick-to-itness. We start. We commit. And then life gets in the way.

Resolutions I’ll never make:

  1. Give up Starbucks or Peets. Addicted!
  2. Stop shopping! Never! 
  3. Eat out ALONE. Never! UGH! Can’t do it!

new year 2So 2016. Show me the way. Resolutions. Simple. The ones that will make me BE BETTER, DO BETTER every day.

  1. Be patient. With myself. My kids. Others.
  2. Be understanding. With myself. My kids. Others.
  3. Be compassionate. With myself. My kids. Others.
  4. Be grateful. Life is full of blessings. I just have to take time every day to see them.
  5. Be 1% better every day. (Thank you Ryan for this great reminder.)
  6. Smile more.
  7. Step out of my shell. My box. My comfort zone. (This is the hardest for me.) We’ll check back in 2017.  
  8. Help others. In whatever ways possible. Give a little more. Do a little more. 
  9. Be better. Do better. Push harder. There’s always a better version of me somewhere.
  10. Find happiness. A new kind. But some kind.
  11. Reach out and touch. Support. My kids. A friend. My mom. My dad. My siblings. Don’t wait for tomorrow.
  12. Get a me-makeover. Change is good, right?
  13. Be present. As much as possible. It’s the road to happiness. The path to peace.

Whatever your plan. Whatever your resolutions. Always do more of what makes YOU happy! Laugh, love and find peace. Be better, do better. Happy New Year 2016!

stepping

merry christmas gregger

Merry Christmas Gregger!

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

xmas 2Merry Christmas Gregger…

I know it’s technically not “our” holiday, but being in retail, we waited for this day all year long. The END of the holiday season. A day off. A family day. A day of togetherness. Happy times. Laughter. And love. So much love. So we celebrated. The joy. The blessings. And us. We loved playing Santa’s elves from the beginning. Do you remember our first Xmas? I have visions of those presents piled around that hideous plaid couch dancing in my head. We were like two little kids. We woke up early in the morning. We couldn’t wait to tear those packages apart. And my dream gift that year? A pair of Frye boots! Light tan with the buckle on the side.  I was cooler than cool thanks to you. You always were the best Santa! 

xmasI miss everything about those days. The simplicity. The dreams. And knowing that we had a lifetime to be together. Or so we thought. This has been a rough holiday season. Tougher than last year. Last year I was pretending. I was muddling through. This year is all too real. I’m reminded over and over that you’re not coming back. Christmas music brings me to tears. But I keep listening. I want to feel the joy. The spirit. I sing along. And the tears escape. It hurts. You aren’t here. And I want you to be. I miss you. Holiday cards? Families. Like we used to be. Everything has become a “used to be.” No longer what is. I loved our holiday cards. One of my favorite parts of the season. A time to share our beautiful family. But now I just open the mailbox to receive cards from others. It makes me sad. Facebook? I should cut myself off. Holiday parties. Festivities. Joyous occasions. Sure, I’d be fighting you to stay home, but one party with you? If only. Couples shopping. Holding hands. Our time. Choosing the perfect gifts. Schlepping from store to store. Filling the trunk. But oh what a wonderful night! And with your schedule, it was usually just one. The spirit of our season. Each year it was the same old, same old. “Smaller holiday.” And BIGGER and BETTER it would be! Today? All I want for Christmas? The only thing I cannot have.

i'm finePeople ask, “Are you ready for the holiday?” I give the perfunctory, “Oh yes.” Or (with a tilt of the head and a quieted tone), “How are you doing?” And I simply say, “I’m fine.”  I appreciate the gestures. The wishes. People don’t know what to say. They are just being nice. And I am grateful for that. So, “I’m fine.” But I’m not. I’m not ready. Not ready to wake up alone. Not ready for you not to be here to celebrate with us. Again. And, no, I’m not fine. I’m an emotional mess. Inside. But I smile. And get on with it. Because it’s better that way. I fall apart in my car. In the middle of a workout. My kitchen. My bed. But outside? I’m fine. Really? I just miss you. I wish you were here. And I hate the fact that you aren’t. But even worse, the fact that you never will be again.

So now that I’ve been a total Scrooge, it’s time to turn that around. I know I’ve lost the BEST part of me. The BEST part of my life. BUT! And that’s a BIG BUT! That’s truly the BEST PART! I was lucky enough to have the BEST for almost 40 years! I was blessed with you as my gift.

  1. I learned to love myself. If I couldn’t love me, how could I be true to others?
  2. I learned to be strong in the toughest of times. (Well, all but a few!)
  3. I learned to appreciate moments. To appreciate life. And to recognize my blessings.
  4. I learned that being a part of “two” takes love, commitment, compassion, understanding, patience, and communication.
  5. I learned to stop. Be silent. Be okay with me.
  6. I learned that gratitude is the greatest gift. It gives back tenfold.
  7. I learned that love so grand, so great, and so full NEVER goes away. You may be gone, but our love will be here forever. I see it. Feel it. And hear it. I know you are here.

So today I am grateful. For our family. Our life. But most of all for you. I hope you are celebrating with all of your family. Cheers! Happy Holiday! I Love You!

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Merry Christmas to all!

Wishing everyone happiness, peace, and a day filled with love…

Hidden Treasures

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

”No matter where you are on your journey, that’s exactly where you need to be.  The next road is always ahead.”

love letters 4So for four weeks I needed to just be. I needed to feel. To laugh. To cry. To sit in the silence. I was surrounded by memories. Overwhelmed. Gregger was everywhere. A million reminders of our life together. I sorted through the “stuff.” What to save. What to toss. Everything was symbolic. Significant. Meaningful. But it was time to purge. I just wasn’t ready to let go. To some they were “things.” To me, a lifetime. Cards. Letters. Notes. His handwritten words. It was all I had left. I read them over and over. The message was the same. He wanted more time. With me. The kids. Tackling the daunting task of facing Gregger’s drawers, I was overwhelmed by the treasures buried beneath his underwear, socks, sweaters, and magnificent silk pocket squares. Tattered cards. Yellowed, faded envelopes. Hand-scrawled letters dating back 41 years! Airmail postage still intact. Folded notes. From me. The kids. Every last one. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Father’s Day. Just Because I Love You. Really? I knew I was sentimental. I saved them all. But I had no idea! Guys just don’t save those things. They read and toss. Right? Not Gregger. And this was my gift. A reminder of our life. Our love. Something for me to hold on to, just when I needed it most. Just when I was falling apart and needed to hear his voice. It came to me.

Amongst the piles of cards and letters, one stood out. “I don’t need a special holiday to tell you how much I love you.” And the words inside brought me to tears. It was always the same. He was a giver. A doer. But, in the end, what he really wanted was more time.

IMG_2352Dear Mikki,

     I found this card and I could not pass it  up. You have put up with me through another retail holiday season. I know it has not been easy, but overall (not sure what that meant!) you have been terrific! You certainly have learned not only to cope with it, but have learned how to handle me. This has been a very stressful time for me. Not only have I not been able to spend time with the person I care about most, but I could not find that special gift that YOU deserve. You know it means very much to me to enjoy this day with you and the kids. You told me once that buying a present was supposed to be fun, so my present is to spend a WHOLE day with YOU. To me that would be the MOST FUN! I love you very much!

We got that day. And more along the way. But if I’d only known. I would have cherished every moment so much more. I would have held on tighter. Let things go. And just been the two of us. Every. Single. Time. I can’t go back. But I can hold onto those memories. Remember his words. His smile. And his huge heart.

To be continued…

love letters 2

back to writing

Back to “Paper”

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

truth (1)It’s been a long time. I’ve been busy. I’ve been avoiding. I’ve been hiding. Running. Searching. Running. If I stop, I have to feel. If I feel, I’ll be sad. If I keep going, I don’t think. If I don’t think, I can pretend. If I pretend, I can be happy. It’s a game. And if I make the rules, I can usually win. Until now. It’s time to face the music. I’ve run away long enough. So here I am. Back to paper. Virtual paper. But writing. So where have I been? Ending one life. Beginning a new. As Julie Andrews said, “Let’s start at the very beginning.  A very good place to start.”

new beginnings (1)

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” As did mine. I headed “home.” The “old” life. The memories. My past. My life. I wasn’t ready, but it was time. And in a moment everything changed. The house sold. Okay. This was what I wanted. Right? Yes. No. Maybe. Yes. I had to pack and leave it all behind in a short four weeks. Panic! How on earth could I do it all? 22 years in a home filled with laughter, love, tears, and so much more. And almost forty years of sentiments, nostalgia, and JUNK! I walked from room to room. I wandered. I was lost. Where to begin? How to begin? I couldn’t. I was stuck. There was no way I could do it. If I started, it meant the end of something I wasn’t ready to lose.

familySister, mom and dad to the rescue! Thank God for family! They came flying in and truly saved my butt! Took the reigns by the horn. Boxes, bubble wrap, packing paper galore. They sailed from room to room packing and taping, marking and making piles, until my house was one giant cardboard mass. Working ten to twelve hours a day, my dad made sure we knew when cocktail hour hit at 5:00! Time to break and cheer to another successful day of packing, padding, and piling.

But it was tough. The things I found. Heart stopping memories that thrilled me and threw me. From smiles to tears. From heartwarming to heartache. Life revisited. If only…

To be continued…

new beginnings 4

Welcome “Home”

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

roadtripSo after a long, but incredibly enjoyable road trip with my “bestie,” we made it back to Arizona. I had butterflies, tummy-turning moments cruising down the 101. Driving in bumper-to-bumper, nail-biting traffic didn’t help. But there were “welcome home signs.” Signs that kept reminding me that everything would be okay. It was incredible. Sometimes I think I’m nuts. Or if I talk about it, others will think I’m nuts. At this point, I don’t care. I’m nuts either way. But these signs. OMG! I know they were there for me. And I know I was meant to be aware. Open.

Rainbow. First it was faint. In the distance. Marcia spotted it. I squinted. Let it be there. PLEASE. A rainbow. I wanted it so badly. It was Gregger’s gateway. His way of welcoming me back. I just knew it. So I kept squinting. The colors became deeper. A little broader. A little longer. And then we spotted a second one. Faint in the distance, but there. Was this for real? I was like a kid in a candy store. Snapping pictures. Sending them to my kids. He’s here! He’s here! Suddenly the skies opened and the rainbow appeared from one end to the next. Full on. Every color. Full arch to the pot of gold. It was nature’s miracle awakening in front of me. And I was the glorious witness. My spirits lifted. And I knew from that moment on, everything would be okay. IMG_1549

Traffic was gridlocked. We crawled at a snail’s pace. Anxiety building. The music was nearly muted. But I heard it. The sign. Again. Gregger’s “Happy” song. “Because I’m happy clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth!” OH YEAH! Gregger dancing me home! Keeping my spirits up. He knew how to get me. And he did. We were rocking. Singing. Being silly.  But, in that moment, nothing else mattered. He was bringing me back and I’d be okay.

roadtrip 3We finally made it home. Well, we made it to the house. I wasn’t sure it was “home” anymore. Four walls, lots of memories, but missing a big piece inside. Weird. Big. Empty. Silent. And dark. Very, very dark. I entered. One foot at a time. I had four extra arms to guide me. To hold me. To cheer me on. And I will forever be grateful for their support. In the blink of an eye we were exploring, sharing, moving. From room to room. Picture to picture. Memory to memory. Maybe not the same home it was before. But the love was there. Happiness. Peace. It will always hold a huge piece of my heart.

Today was a step. Tomorrow will be something new. I’ve got a long road ahead. But I’ll take this new chapter one day at a time. Just like the others. And I’ll get through this too. Live. Learn. Love. And always be grateful. Blessings.

To be continued…

coming home

All Good Things Must Come To An End

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

all good things 3I am sad. I am leaving San Diego tomorrow. The place I’ve called home for the past 5 1 /2 months. It was meant to be a vacay. 2 months. Get away. Recoup. I fell in love. The place. The people. The life. I am hoping my departure is short term. But for now I don’t know. Life is funny. It throws you curve balls. You swerve so you don’t get hit. Or you catch them. Some fall. Land in the right places. Some go foul. Some go out. You just never know. I was trying to avoid this “ball.” I did not want to go back to Arizona. Not without knowing I was coming back here. I wanted everything tidy. Tied up with a pretty bow. But life doesn’t work that way. And then you have to figure it out. And face the “stuff” you try to avoid. So here I go. First I have to say “goodbye.” As Gregger used to say, “Say ‘so long. Until we meet again.’” That’s better. Not final. He was right. So until next time. I will miss…

all good things 4

  1. My OTF family. The people who welcome me every day with smiles, warm greetings. They have no idea how it warms my heart. Days I’m feeling down. Alone. I walk in and I feel at home. So, thank you.
  2. The wonderful people who I can now call my “friends.” In a short time, we connected. Bonded. As if friends forever. Marcia, Geoff, Hudson, and Harper, I would not be here most days without you. You have been my lifeline. To the others who have touched my life, I hope you know who you are. I love you. I will miss you. But the connection will never be broken. You have given me strength when I felt weak. You have given me love when I felt lost. You are not only friends but family. So, thank you.
  3. Walking into Starbucks or Peets and having them fill my order without saying a word. Knowing my name. As silly as it sounds, it made me feel at home. Welcomed. Remembered. Just someone. They never realized the number of times that small gesture made my day. I smiled. I thanked them. But I wish they knew. Really knew. So, thank you.
  4. Walking. The beach. The lagoon. The hills. With Lucy. Lifting my spirits. Miles and miles. Just the two of us. Lost in thought. Talking to Gregger. Letting things go. Crying it out. Finding peace.
  5. Manis-pedis with my girl. My baby. (And when we were lucky, her hubby too.) Just time to talk. About everything. Or nothing. Whatever time we had, it was always special. I will miss this most. I will miss them. My kids.

I am afraid. Afraid to walk into that big, old house. Afraid to see memories hanging on the walls. Afraid to feel the life I miss so much. So I will step cautiously. Slowly. I will feel the love. I will remember the good times. And I will cherish the life we had together. Strength. There is no other choice. Until next time San Diego…I will miss you. Thanks for the memories.

all good things

On Being Strong…Speaking The Truth

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

strength and loss 1So I was learning to live alone. Wake up in an empty house. Quiet. Nobody sitting at the bar reading the newspaper. No coffee brewing. No coffee cup waiting for me. I had to do it alone. Mornings were tough. It was one of our “moments.” I’d make his ritual breakfast. OJ with water. Never full strength. Oatmeal. Or Bagel. Half butter. Half peanut butter. He was a ritual guy. If I switched things up, it had to be sneaky. Or slow. And then he’d go back to the same old, same old. I understood. I’m worse. We’d chat. Sometimes he’d rattle off a to-do list. I’d get frustrated. Wait. All of this? Today? He’d say, “Fine. I’ll do it myself.” I’d banter back, “No, it’s fine.” And back and forth we’d go. Why didn’t I just make it easy for him? He had so much on his plate as it was. What was I thinking? Selfish. Ugh. Can’t go back. Wish I could. So those are the things I missed. I thought about them every morning. In the silence. But I was learning. It was a day by day thing.

strength and lossFamily and friends were coming in town. The memorial. It was time. Three nights of visitors. At my home. Coming to see us. Talk. Again. “What happened? Are you okay? How are you doing? You are so strong.” I understood. People didn’t know what to say. So that’s what they said. I will know better. When the time comes. For someone. “How are doing?” I wanted to scream, “How do you think I’m doing? I suck! I just lost my best friend. My soul mate. The love of my life. Honestly, I have never been worse.” But, I didn’t. Instead, I remotely responded. “I’m fine. Okay. Some days better than others. Holding up.” I smiled. Kept talking. Told the story. Talked about Gregger. Even tried to laugh a little. No tears. Held them back. Best I could. When everyone left, I cried.

Strength test number “who knows at this point?” The memorial. Writing my speech. Preparing for hundreds of people to arrive. Standing in front of thousands to present the biggest speech of my life. The one that mattered most. People asked,”How could you?” I did not have a choice. I would never forgive myself if I didn’t. I had to honor Gregger. I had to be strong enough. Put EVERYTHING aside for him. I wanted to share with family, friends and colleagues the BEST of what Gregger left to this world. I could not let him down. I could not let myself down. One final moment to glorify his being. To make sense of his time on earth. And his being taken away. There was no choice. I knew it was in my heart. My soul. My spirit. I could do this. So I did.

strength and loss 3I remember standing at the podium. My voice shaking. My hands shaking. My heart pounding. But my feet were planted solidly on the ground. This was it. I looked into the immense crowd at US Airways Arena. I saw no one. I saw everyone. And then I spoke. I wanted to speak forever. I did not want the moment to end. Because this would be final. This would close the chapter. And I did not want it to be over. I wanted Gregger to stay with us. If we kept talking, showing videos, reminiscing, he would still be here. But we had to stop. I saw his picture beaming from the monitor high above the crowd. Eyes twinkling. Smile sparkling. Well, that smile. There will never be another. And I knew right then that he was looking down on us. I knew we would all be okay.

I ride the waves. They come. They go. I’m up. I’m down. But I’m moving. Strength. Courage. Positivity. My guiding lights to a new life.

strength and loss 2

To be continued…

returning home

On Being Strong…Returning Home

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

strength and courageSo I was home. Not the way I thought it would be. Ever. It would never be home again. Not without Gregger. It would be a house. But never a home. Too much was missing. But again, I had to be strong. Too much ahead of me. Too much to do. People to see. Emotions. Tears. Plans. Could I do it? I had no choice. So I moved. Robotically. One foot in front of the other. I had to go into our bedroom. Our closet. See his clothes. Every shirt, tie, jacket that reminded me of him. A day. A night. A memory. His toothbrush. Standing erect in its holder. He would never use it again. Everything I touched reminded me of his absence. And the fact that he was never coming back.

strength and gratitudePeople came. To pay respects. Platters of food. Flowers. So nice. So grateful. And my role? To tell the story. Again. And again. And again. How did it happen? What did you do? How are you feeling? The questions were overwhelming. But I had to answer. I had to smile. I had to keep standing. And so I did. Strength. Somehow. It was there. You never know where it comes from. But somehow it shows up. Just when you need it most. 

Time to plan. A memorial. Really? Was that word even in my vocabulary? That’s for sick people. Old people. Not for Gregger. Not for us. But this was real. This was happening. And I had to be present. I had to make this beautiful. For him. He deserved it. More than anyone I’d ever known. The support of community, family and friends was overwhelming. I couldn’t have done it without them. I was blessed. Forever grateful. But in the between time people scattered. Went back to their lives. And I was alone.

gratitude and strength 1One night I collapsed. To the ground. On my knees. Sobbing. Endless tears. I went outside. I wailed to the stars. The moon. “Are you out there? Can you hear me?” I uttered those words. I needed to feel him. I never felt as alone as I did at that moment. My sister-in-law called.  I wanted to let it ring. Don’t let her hear my agony. My breakdown. But I answered. Choking tears. And she saved me. She talked me through. Told me it was okay. Break down. Cry. Let it out. So I did. And as we talked, I felt the strength return. Slowly.  I knew at that moment that I would be okay. I just had to learn to ride the waves. 

To be continued…

On Being Strong…The Long Ride

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

“When times get tough, the key is not to stay strong…the key is to stay grateful.”

courage 4In a moment, gratitude was my only choice. I focused on the blessings. The life we had together. Almost 40 years. Our kids. Our true blessings. It was time to go. Time to say goodbye. I didn’t know if I could do it. I wanted to stay forever. To be with him. We went to the beach. One last time. We wrote letters. Buried them in the deep blue water. He would see them. Feel them.  We held hands. Hugged. Embraced in strength. A powerful force. We watched the sunset. We watched the sunrise. One last time. I’d be back. Someday. But Gregger was with me. Giving me courage. Strength.

courageNow came the test. Fly home as a widow. No one to hold my hand when the air got choppy. No one to lean on when my eyes got weary. Or not the one I thought would always be there. I leaned against the glass. I opened and closed my fist. I reached for his hand. I never slept. A single tear slipped down my face. I wiped it quickly. I did not want my kids to see. No fear. Be strong. Courageous. I could do this. Gregger was with me. He would guide me. Six hours later we were home. A new chapter had begun.

First step. Getting into Gregger’s car. His smell. His things. Sunglass case. Suit rack. Meticulous. He should be driving. He should be taking us home. But he wasn’t there. We were going alone. We could do this. It would be okay. And as we drove up to the house, my heart was pounding. Out of my chest. And then I saw. My brother. Standing by the garage. I was so grateful. Another blessing. Family. Love. Strength. He was my pillar. He would take us home. Into our home. We would not have to be alone. We would be okay.

I buried my head in his shoulders. I sobbed. But, in that moment, I felt strong. He was there to comfort. Support. And guide me. Forever grateful.

To be continued…

gratitude and strength

strength

On Being Strong…It’s a Journey

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment

“When life changes to be harder, change yourself to be stronger. What hurts you today, makes you stronger tomorrow.”

being strong 4So life changed. In the blink of an eye. I didn’t have time to think. Everything was coming at me so fast. STOP! Let me breathe. Absorb. Understand. So we stayed. In the house. In Wailea. The house that was supposed to bring so much joy. The beach. Relax. Rejoice. Remember. But in this space, we found peace. And in the peace I found strength. Strength to deal. With my tears. My childrens’ tears. The loss. I felt Gregger all around me. I knew he was there. And it comforted me. I knew he was okay. And I knew that in time, I’d be okay too. For three days we sat. Silent. Hours upon hours. Chairs in the sand. We stared at the blue sky. Wispy clouds drifting in the distance. Waves slapping at the shore. Others snorkeling. Paddleboarding. Swimming. Splashing. Having fun. We were oblivious to the noise. We felt alone. But it was okay. When late afternoon came, we hated leaving. We wanted to sit by the water. All day. All night. We felt closer. To Gregger.  being strong

I remember thinking, I can’t eat. I’m not hungry. I don’t need food. But then I realized, I must. I had to be strong. I couldn’t let my kids down by giving up. I had to be better. Better than I’d ever been. Stronger than I’d ever been. I had to take care of myself. Because if I didn’t do it now, who would? My rock was gone. Now it was only me. But that strength was there. I could do it. I just had to believe.

And then it was time to go. Another test. Would I pass? I wasn’t sure. This was a journey I never wanted to take. Or one I never imagined…

To be continued…

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