Category: Moving On

Happy New Year 2019

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
As I sit here reflecting on 2018, I ask myself, “What would I do differently? What would I change? How could I have been better?” I don’t have exact answers. It was a year of happy moments, a year of loss, a year of ups, downs, and all the in-betweens. It was LIFE. Every day presented something new. A challenge. An obstacle. Joy. Stress. Family. Friendship. Laughter. Love. But, each day was an opportunity to grow. To learn. To become better. To be kind. Compassionate. Patient. Empathic. Nurturing. And grateful. Always grateful. Not for “things.” But for the people we are so blessed to have in our lives. The people who fill our hearts. We so often take these people for granted. We forget. Read more [...]

4 Years

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
4 years. 48 months. 1440 days. 34,560 hours. 2,073,600 minutes. 124,416,000 seconds. An eternity. An instant. Forever. A flash. Time. Gone. From earth to shining star. In heaven. August 30th, 2014. August 29th. Our life was magical. Vacation. Maui. Beautiful. Magical. Sunshine. Family. Laughter. And love. Perfect. And in a moment. Gone. My love. Husband. Father. Brother. Friend. Gone. Our lives. Our love. Our magic. One moment. Lives changed. Forever. How? Why? There are no answers. Reasons. Even logical explanations. We can’t imagine. We don’t think it will happen. In the moment, it seems impossible. It did for me. We take for granted. We live. We breathe. And one day. We don’t. It was Read more [...]
Moving On…The Tough Days

Moving On…The Tough Days

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
Moving on. I thought it would get easier. It didn’t. I slipped. I skidded. I stopped. I shut down. And I just couldn’t write anymore.Thoughts would spin inside my head, but they wouldn’t reach my fingertips. They stopped. Somewhere. Jumbled.  I was too empty. Too lonely. Too alone. Stress was pulling me down. And I had nowhere to go. I kept reaching for Gregger. But he wasn’t there. And I realized he never would be. Ever again. The finality of it all. Scary. Sad. Detached. Should I share that raw emotion? People saw me as strong. Brave. Overcoming the worst of the worst. How could I go backwards? So I shut down. I buried myself inside my head. I found solace in the space of my car. Read more [...]
One Step Forward

One Step Forward

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
So my blogs have been all over the place lately. I’ve been up, down, over, under, and sideways. I’ve wanted to write and then I’m blocked. The words just don’t come. Or the ones that do, I don’t like. I don’t like what’s on the paper. I write. I delete. And I end up with a blank page. For weeks, maybe longer, it felt negative. Sad. I couldn’t put that out there. Not after I had spent more than a year writing about gratitude, positivity, strength. I felt like a liar. I wasn’t living my words. I knew that was okay. But it felt weak. I wrote about fear. All true. Part of the journey. But in the past week I’ve tried to refocus my energy. My thoughts. My intentions. Numerous, yet Read more [...]
grief journey

The Grief Journey

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
So it’s coming to me in tiny pieces. This grief journey. It’s confusing as hell. One minute I think I’ve got it. And suddenly. It’s gone. Starting over. Stuck. The beginning was easy. I knew what I had to do. Be strong. Act strong. Good choice. If I act it, I’ll be it. And it worked. Got me through the worst of days. I did believe. I still do. But it’s changed. My thoughts are spot on. I say the “right” things. But my head and heart just aren’t in synch. “Everything happens for a reason.” “I was blessed to have almost 40 beautiful years.” “We were blessed to all be together.” “Gregger would have wanted it this way.” Yada, yada, yada. But you say those words over Read more [...]
not just single, a widow

Not Just Single, A Widow

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
Sometimes I want to rewrite my story. Or maybe just make one up. For the times I meet new people. Or strangers. I think about this a lot. Especially lately. So much loss. So much sadness. Do people really care? But my story defines me. It’s who I am. I don’t want pity. Hugs are nice. But I feel funny. Especially when strangers feel they need to give one. Did I say something to make someone feel sorry for me? I don’t mean to. Ugh! It’s just my story. It's sad. But the truth.  And this truth sucks. Loss. Sadness. Loss. Again. First Gregger. Love of my life. Then Lucy. My savior. Sweetness. So what’s my choice? Lie? Don't say anything? I fight to hold the words in. Sometimes I do. But Read more [...]
forgiveness

Forgiveness…An Act of Self-Love

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
I was watching “Grey’s Anatomy” last night. Tearjerker. Life threatened. Heartache. And pain. Some may think it sappy. Overdone. Washed up. But the message was strong. Forgiveness. Of others. Those who hurt us. And ourselves. While Meredith was struggling to survive and overcome devastating injuries, she was faced with a greater battle. Forgive those who had beaten her. Left her. Hurt her. Anger is easier. Hate is simpler. Forgiveness is hard. But in the end, the one who doesn’t forgive is the loser.  Her beloved Derek had died last season. Unexpectedly. Before his time. Before "their" time.  She went back to life. But the anger flared. I understand. Webber advised her to forgive herself. Read more [...]
happy valentines day

Happy Valentine’s Day – Second Time Around

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
Valentine’s Day. A day of love. Hugs. Kisses. Cards. Sentiments. Roses. Chocolates. Happiness. And couples. A day to remind me what I’ve lost. What I’m missing. Love. Hugs. Kisses. Gregger. OR, a day to remember. What I had. What we had. Love. Respect. Commitment. We were lucky. I believe we would have made it to the very end. Our fairytale end. We survived the bumps and bruises. More than we could count. But every bump made us stronger. Wiser. And more in love. So it’s not what I’m missing. It’s what I remember. The good. The great. The best. We didn’t need a “Hallmark holiday” for love. We simply tried to live it. What kept us going? It wasn’t magic. It was life. Real stuff. Read more [...]

Happy Birthday Gregger!

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
Happy Birthday, Gregger! #62! Today we celebrate YOU! Not the life you lost. But the life you LIVED! The love you shared. The joy you radiated. Your smile. Your laughter. Your grace and humility. A son. Brother. Father. Husband. And friend. Everyone’s friend. Those lucky enough to cross your path loved you. Minutes, days, years, or a lifetime. A shake of your hand, a smile, a kind word. You touched peoples' hearts. You left a mark. So we celebrate YOU. 2012…We celebrated at Dominick’s and went to Old Town to party with the young folk! What the heck were we thinking? I don’t think we lasted very long. Our ears couldn’t take it! But we laughed. Loved. And cheered. 2013…San Diego. Read more [...]

My Angel

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
I believe in angels. I believe they “show up” when I’m seeking guidance. Comfort. Support. Sometimes nothing. But I believe. Angels guide me in the direction of truth. Awareness. Light. Faith. A rainbow. Clouds. A penny from heaven. Music. Or messages that repeat over and over. Whatever the shape, size, or entity, I just know. My angel is there. So I listen. These past three weeks have been the second toughest of my life. Fighting the fight with my baby girl, Lucy. Reliving the horror of her attack. Evoking memories of Gregger’s passing in Hawaii. It all blended together. One after the other. I tried to find answers. Blank. Nothing. I kept sinking into a deep abyss of sadness. My heart Read more [...]