Happy 43rd Anniversary!

Dear Gregger, 43 Years…Our Anniversary…Happy? 4 ½ years ago it was. For 38 years it was a day to celebrate. Us. But today? No. For better or worse. ‘Til death do us part. As we did. Parted. August 30th, 2014. I stand here alone. 43 years. Wondering. Wishing. Wanting. But that’s all I can do. I believed in fairytales. Happily ever afters. This wasn’t our ending. I want a rewrite. Now what? How do I “celebrate?” How can I find joy on this special day that joined us together as “one?” We were writing our story. But there are so many blank pages. I can only go back and read what was. Because that’s all there will ever be. Memories. January 10, 1976. Our first dance. “We’ve Read more [...]

Happy Birthday Gregger!

Dear Gregger – 🎈Happy 64th Birthday! 🎉 Really? Is that even possible? Wasn’t it just yesterday I was planning your surprise party? Four years. Past. Gone. Your 60th birthday. Your last. Your best. What I wouldn’t give for one more celebration. You should be here. We should be celebrating. We should be raising our glasses together.🥃🍷 But. God had different plans. As the old saying goes, “We make plans and God laughs.” Well he must have had one good chuckle when he heard our plans. I could make this about me. How I miss you. 💔Miss us. Miss my friend. My partner. My best love. But. You know all that. Or. I hope you do. I thought it’d be easier by now. It’s not. Read more [...]
packing up

Home…Cleaning Up!

The last few days have been a whirlwind. So much to do, yet I feel so little is getting done. I walk from room to room. I stare in closets. I peek in drawers. I open. Close. Walk away. It’s overwhelming. I don’t know where to start. 22 years. Life. Love. And memories. Stuffed away in spaces. What do I keep? What do I toss? What do I pack away? I don’t know. It seems that everything has a purpose. Everything has meaning. Even the dead plant on the shelf. Poor thing. Lost to my “brown thumb.” Gregger would be so sad. He loved his plants. And was super proud of his “green thumb.” Me too. I worked my way into our closet. I figured it was a smart place to start. Not sure why. But Read more [...]

Home…The First Few Days

"Home." In the house. Things to do. First things first. Unpack. Enter the closet. UGH! Our closet. A place we shared. Our things. Together. Neatly hung. Methodically placed. Color coordinated. Shoes boxed. Belts hung. Orderly. Just like Gregger. His side. My side. Only now it was all mine. A few stray shirts hung in a corner, along with a sparse mixture of belts and ties. I wanted it the old way. Elegant suits matched with sophisticated shirts, ties, and pocket squares. Just like Gregger. But now my clothes filled the space reminding me again of his absence. I peeked into his dresser. Everything neatly folded. Piles. Color coded. Socks. Underwear. T-shirts. I didn’t dare get too close. It Read more [...]
dont wait

Don’t Wait

I spent Labor Day weekend consumed with the U.S. Open. I am a tennis junkie. I guess that goes back to when the boys played, and it stuck. But I should not be watching alone. This was something Gregger and I did together. And this year we were supposed to be in New York. At the Open. That was the plan. But plans change. Life changes. And I'm here watching the matches on TV. Not in person. Not in New York. Not with Gregger. We had a lot of plans. We had our bucket list. In the last five to ten years, we were checking it off. But we had a long way to go. When you're young you think you have the whole world in front of you. There's always tomorrow. We put things off forever. Or so it seemed. First Read more [...]