The 3rd Year

Happy 63rd Birthday Gregger

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
Dear Greg, Happy 63rd Birthday! I can hardly believe this is our 3rd birthday apart. It seems like yesterday that I was getting ready for your big 60th birthday surprise. The last hoorah. I'll never forget that birthday. Never forget the look on your face. I can still feel you holding my hand. Walking into that room. And I hear the screams. The laughter. And the smile. Your smile. The best. It was our last dance. Every time I hear Beyonce belt out, "Love on Top," my heart stops. I drift back to that moment. You were holding me. Just the two of us. Rocking. Side to side. Cherishing a moment. Frozen in time. What a celebration. That was then. And here we are. Now. I'm here. You're somewhere. Out Read more [...]

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Clawing Through the “Guck”

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
“There are moments which mark your life. Moments when you realize, nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts - before this, and after this.” I am in the “after this.” Still trying to figure it out. Every day. 2 plus years later. Still clawing my way through the “guck.” The pain. The tears. Why? Because. Love endures death. A person dies. But love doesn’t. So my heart aches. My heart feels empty. My soul aches. My soul feels empty. I cannot close this chapter. My heart’s not ready. Will it ever be? Probably not. I think I’m figuring that out. And trying to figure out how to live with it. But the hard part? Hiding. Staying strong. After so long some Read more [...]

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balls in the air

“Balls” in the Air

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
This baby thing is so tough. And I'm not even the one who's pregnant! I'm just the grandma-to-be. Oh Lord! I wrote this in September on a return flight from St. Louis. We are only 18+ weeks in and I am driving myself crazy. Right now I'm sitting on a plane with my stomach literally ready to "toss it's cookies." And there's nothing inside. My nerves are shattered. Ashley has a doctor's appointment and I won't know anything until I land. So I sit here praying. Praying. Praying. Everything will be okay. Good. Great. People tell me I carry too much of the load when it comes to my kids. I probably do. I don't know how not to. I remember when they were little. When they hurt, I hurt. When they were Read more [...]

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its a boy

It’s a…?????

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
Back in the “old days,” few of us knew what we were “having.” Amnios were for the older pregnant moms. And ultrasounds? Primitive. They’d be considered archaic today. We were lucky to make out a few features. I know. I’m aging myself. I didn’t want to know what I was having. Wanted it to be a surprise. Wanted to wait until that baby was “pulled” out of me and I heard the doctor say, “It’s a ____!” First time I was knocked out cold. So I didn’t even know what I had until I woke up. Surprise! It’s a boy! Second time. I swore the whole time it was a girl. Heartbeat higher. Carrying pretty much the same. Gained less weight. Just thought it was a girl. Surprise again! It’s Read more [...]

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letters of hope

Letters of Hope Continued…

Mikki Eveloff Leave a comment
So after all the weeks of waiting, praying, waiting, praying. Tears. Stress. And more tears. The wait was over. I didn’t sleep the night before. Weird dreams. But I remember being at a shower. Ashley was pregnant. Ready to pop. And then I woke up. And realized what day it was. The nerves set in. Stomach rolling. Hands shaking. I went to barre. Spaced out. Headed to OTF. Zoned out. At 11:40, my heart was pounding. I raced out to check my phone. And there it was. Emoticons. "Prayer hands." One after the other. From Ashley. I sent them back. There was nothing left to do. But wait. And pray. Some more. I headed home. I offered to sit with her. She wanted to be alone. Tyler was at work. But she Read more [...]

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