Happy 40th Anniversary Gregger!

Dear Gregger, Happy 40th! Our Anniversary! This should be the easiest love letter I’ve ever written you. But it’s not. It’s the hardest. It should be a “happy” 40th. But I’m here and you’re “there.” We should be spending the day together. Reminiscing. Celebrating. Patting each other on the back and saying, “Hey, good job! We did it!” But we’re not. We talked about this day for so long. The milestones we marked. Our wedding day. Mere babes. Snowflakes drifting. A white blanket of wonderland. Good luck. I believe it was. Honeymoon. Hawaii. All those islands. But Maui. Our favorite. Who would have guessed our fairytale would “end” there? But the times between. We had Read more [...]
happy_anniversary

Happy Anniversary

Tomorrow is my parent’s 54th wedding anniversary. Their marriage was always such an inspiration for me. When Gregger and I were going through some of our toughest times, I would spend time with parents to remind me what I wanted my life to look like in 50 years. It worked. Life wasn’t always easy for them. Is it ever? But they made it work. Five kids. Ten year span. Not a lot of time to be “just two.” But they did. Early bed times. Date nights. And when the nest was empty, they were ready. I watched. I learned. I’d slip, but I knew I’d always come back. We’d always come back. We’d be the ones to make it. Just like my parents did. They laughed. Had fun. Enjoyed being together. Read more [...]

Channeling my Gregger

A few weeks ago I was challenged by one of those life situations that just gets me in the gut. I was writhing in anger; not my prettiest moment. I don't like feeling angry. It's ugly, gets the best of me, and seems way too powerful. Rewind 8 months, a year. Gregger was my vent release. I'd shout, curse, blow off steam and he'd listen, sometimes patiently, sometimes not, but, bottom line, I knew he was there. Where do I go with this anger? I get angrier with myself just for being angry. It is truly a hideous emotion that sucks the energy out of me. I am a positive person. I don't have time for such pointless emotions. Good riddance to this monstrous soul that is sucking the life out of me. So Read more [...]
In The Midst Of Chaos There is Joy

In The Midst Of Chaos There is Joy

My life lately could best be described as total chaos...I am trying to keep the pieces together, but every day a piece of the puzzle just doesn't seem to fit in place. Whether it's water flooding my hallways and kitchen from a broken line in my refrigerator, or pools of blood covering my floors from a bleeding dog, or another dog vomiting everywhere just as I finish cleaning up one mess after another, or the mundane routine of trying to keep bills in check, it's just a little crazy. But, in the midst of all of this trivial "B.S." I was blessed to be part of the "Teen Suit Event" at the Boys and Girls Club of Greater Scottsdale last Friday afternoon. It was a beautiful reminder that none of Read more [...]
some days suck

S.D.S.!

What the heck is S.D.S.? SOME DAYS SUCK! There's  just no other way to say it! Even B.G.D. (Before Gregger Died) I had those sucky days, but they were different. Somehow the sucky days always had a luminous light at the end...I always knew sunshine would walk in the door around 7 pm and brighten my day...or at least give it his best shot. He tried, lord knows he tried, but I could be harder than a brick wall. I had my own PMS...pissed, mopey, and sultry. Whether he broke through or not, I knew he was there. P.G.D.(Post Gregger's Death) it's different. I have to learn how to deal with the PMS and the sucky days on my own. It's okay...it's just another lesson. It's another step toward growing Read more [...]
On Bended Knee

On Bended Knee

"A good life is a collection of happy moments." Blessings, treasures in a memory bank...a place to go when I need a hug, a smile, or some sunshine on a rainy day.  I put on my wedding band today and was reminded of Gregger's "first" proposal...so simple, so funny, so unromantic, yet one of the happiest moments in that treasure bank. After a whirlwind romance and a trip to Disneyland I think I pretty much hounded him enough until engagement was the only thing on our minds. We both had a year left at ASU, were completely unprepared for the real world at the ripe age of 20, but "the happiest place on earth" had given us a reason to think marriage was the next and best step (or at least I Read more [...]
The Letter - A true love fairytale

The Letter

I was the writer in the family. But on the Hallmark occasions Gregger came through. Always two.. one, mushy, sweet, romantic and another, goofy with sexual inuendos. No complaints...I knew too many people who came up empty-handed. Signed with special messages of love, I saved just about every one. Boxes and boxes of all cards and letters dating back forty years. We were Hallmark's dream couple. Digging through my closet today I discovered a different kind of Love Letter from the Gregger...this wasn't covered in flowers or caricatures with sexy bodies...it was a Family Love Letter for A Time of Confusion. I don't ever remember seeing this letter, although I have vague memories of discussing Read more [...]

Forty Shades of “Gray”

    "Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don't exist, but there's always one guy that is perfect for you."   No bondage, no domination, no submission, just the subdued blending of black and white into the compromising shades of gray.  Gregger was MY perfect. While I consider our love story one filled with love and  passion, we were no Christian and Ana... no contracts, just vows and commitments, no S & M, just support and mindfulness.   My 40 Shades of Gray is something that comes with the maturity of wedded bliss...it's learning to soften the lines between his black and my white (or my black and his white), conforming to the perfect Read more [...]

The View

For over 20 years, I have gazed out my kitchen window while sipping my morning coffee. What have I seen?  Hummingbirds fluttering by, bunnies hopping, sun rising in the east, and every now and then a few wispy clouds overhead. In 20 years I think I have been too oblivious, too caught up in the "view" before me. I have been too busy rushing to straighten up, get a load of laundry done, make Gregger's oatmeal, or catch up on social media. In other words, I never realized what was right in front of me. When we traveled, the view became a whole different world. WE actually STOPPED. We saw the world through four eyes and it was beautiful!  the coastline of Italy while cruising the Read more [...]
chip chip hooray - a true love fairytale

Chip, Chip Hooray!

So February 24th was National Tortilla Chip Day...I discovered almost every food is worthy of it's own National celebration day, but National Tortilla Chip Day, this one would probably make Gregger smile more than his birthday, our anniversary or the birth of his children! Tortilla chips - even on his worst day, these would make that man smile! Round or triangulated, slightly salty, crunchy, crispy...simply irresistible! Every night the bag awaited him accompanied by his favorite salsa...sometimes chunky, sometimes smooth...sometimes mango mixed or black bean and corn. He munched and we caught up on the events of the day...his work, my "whatever." A night without chips was a day unfulfilled. Read more [...]