looking-back

Looking Back…

For 51 weeks, 357 days, 8568 hours, 514,080 minutes, 30,844,800 seconds, I have tried to look forward. Be positive. Strong. But the memories are smacking me in the face. One year ago we left for the trip of our dreams. 12 days of "happy time." Together time. Family time. Hawaii. Beach. Sunshine. Sunsets. In a heartbeat, our lives changed. One day before we left, I posted this on my FB wall. "Everyone will go through some hard times at some point. Life isn't easy. Just something to think about..did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the ones who take Read more [...]
shining brightest in heaven

Stars in Heaven…Shining Brightest

In these days leading up to the "anniversary," I keep going back to the beginning. The moment I spotted Greg. And I just knew. 41 years ago. Bushy-haired guy, beer in hand, hanging at the pool. He never knew what hit him. And it hit him hard. He didn't stand a chance. Locked him out one night. Talked the night through. One date. And the rest was history. Inseparable. Partners. Lovers. Friends. My grandmother used to say, "You need to get down on your hands and knees. Every night. And pray. You need to thank God for giving Greg to you." I resented it. I thought, "What about me?" Shouldn't he thank God for me? Wasn't I good enough? I didn't get it. But as the years went by, I understood. He Read more [...]
gregger in heaven

Stars in Heaven…Shining Brighter

"Dad, you are not an anchor to hold us back, nor a sail to take us there, but a guiding light whose love shows us the way." Of all the roles Gregger played, this was his favorite. He cherished being "dad." Doting. Goofy. Soft-hearted. Supportive. He worked tirelessly to be the best. To give the most. But pull back just a little when needed. Not much. That was the toughest part for him. His heart was super-sized. Especially when it came to his kids. "Aside from being the best father a son could dream of my dad was also my best friend, my greatest mentor and will always be my hero. There are no words to express the joy I felt in every moment I shared with him on this earth. The way my dad lived Read more [...]
stars in heaven

Stars in Heaven..Keep on Shining

Gregger was so much to so many people. And he played each "part" perfectly. You rarely saw him without a smile, a bounce in his step, or a sparkle behind those fashion specs. Whether your chum, crony, or cohort, he made you feel as though you were his #1. The Friend: To everyone. Gregger never met a man/woman/child who was NOT his friend. Everyone loved The Gregger. He left an imprint on your soul. A smile in your heart. The twinkle in his eye. The sparkle in his smile. It touched you. And made YOU feel special. As if you were his favorite. If he asked, "How are you?" He meant it. "He changed the world by asking, 'How are you?' because he really wanted to know." He listened. He asked questions. Read more [...]
stairway-to-heaven

Stars in Heaven…Still Shining

I never imagined a year ago that I would be preserving Gregger's memory. We should be celebrating life. Together. "If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again." But I can't. So I'll hold onto the memories. The photographs in my mind. He was unique. Extraordinary. One-of-a-kind. There will never be another Gregger. And so I remember... The Gentleman: Before he became The Gregger, he was just plain Greg. Simple. Modest. Unassuming. Gregger was a "Gentle" Man and a Gentleman all rolled into one cuddly delight. Big heart. Soft soul. The "gentle" man was considerate, kind, tender. He could melt my heart with the touch of his hand. Tears Read more [...]
stars-in-heaven

Stars in Heaven

"Live for something. Do good, and leave behind you a monument of virtue that the storms of time can never destroy. Write your name in kindness, love, and mercy on the hearts of thousands you come in contact with year by year, and you will never be forgotten. Your name and your good deeds will shine as stars in heaven." This was Gregger. He is truly a shining star in heaven. He lived for something. He lived for a lot. His family. His friends. Truly anyone who crossed his path. He did good. He was full of goodness. He left behind a monument of kindness, goodness, and generosity that time will never erase. He will never be forgotten. He was one of the good guys. As most of you know, this is a Read more [...]
the givers

The Givers

Gregger and I had a problem. And we fought about it. A lot. It was the silliest of problems, but we just couldn't seem to get past it. We were both GIVERS. Neither of us knew how to TAKE. So we fought over giving, giving, giving. It wasn't about giving things. It was about giving of ourselves. We both wanted to DO for the other. We wanted to do for the kids. We wanted to do for other people. We just didn't know when to stop. So sometimes it got in the way. We needed to take time, stop, and realize that we were TAKING time and energy away from each other by GIVING so much, too much. Knowing our birth order, it didn't always make sense. I was the oldest, Gregger the youngest. He should have been Read more [...]
letting go

Letting Go

If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah I was reminded the other day of all the times in my life when I couldn't let go. I was such a control freak. I thought if I controlled myself, my family, my life, situations, that things would turn out the way I planned. I thought control meant perfection. If I let go, all hell would break loose. If I let go, my life would be chaotic. If I let go, my world be disordered. I was never one of those cool moms who let their kids pick out their clothes. Or do their own hair. Clothes had to match. Hair had to be brushed. Styled. Neat. Shoes had to be clean. We had a toy room. They Read more [...]
Rainy Days and Mondays

Rainy Days and Mondays

Feeling a bit melancholy on this rainy day Monday. I stare at the raindrops streaming from the skies and slip into a meditative state. My mind wanders. Memories drift in and out. I try to conjure a visible future. I'm stuck. I keep going backwards. All I can see is the past. Where I was. Where I still want to be. But I can't go there anymore. I can visit. But I must move forward. I keep having flashes. Of Gregger. His goofy, but loving idiosyncrasies. I miss them most. But they make me smile. My sunshine on a rainy day.   his nightly call to me on his way home from work his obsession with mail, getting to it ASAP when he walked in the door at night dropping his clothes on the floor; Read more [...]
10 months

10 Months

10 Months Ten months. Another month has passed. Another 30 days. Another 720 hours, 43,200 minutes, 2,592,000 seconds. But who’s counting? Well, I guess I still am. I count every hour, minute, second that you are gone. I still ache inside. I still feel empty. I still feel the loneliness of you not being beside me. It gets different. But it doesn’t get better. Today I was sharing the concept of death. The difference between knowing you are dying, sharing the time with loved ones, and dying suddenly. There is no good way. No right way. No easy way. They all suck! But I feel I was gipped out of saying so many things I would have wanted to say. So I’m going to pretend you can hear me now. Read more [...]