Letters-of-Hope-Continued

Letters of Hope Continued…

In the space of waiting, I realized the emptiness of the “second year.” It became quieter. Lonlier. Sometimes I felt detached. From family. Friends. It was easier just to keep to myself. Go inside. And bury myself there. It was safe. But so empty. So I turned to Gregger. For comfort. It was just a difficult time. One I would figure out. And smile on the other side. May 31 Dear Gregger, Well today marks 21 months since you’ve been gone. It feels like forever. Feels like a lot longer than 21 months. I’ve had ups, downs, and in betweens. I think it’s going to get easier and then it gets harder than ever. This is definitely one of those times. It will never get easy. Never. It will Read more [...]

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A Utah Birthday Celebration

A Utah Birthday Celebration

So I survived Birthday 2015. Family. Friends. Support. Love. Lots and lots of love. From the break of dawn 'til the midnight hour. Texts, phone calls, FB messages, cards, photos, and more. Memories flashed. New memories made. It was a day to reflect. A day to rejoice. I focused on my blessings. Gregger kept flickering into the picture. I knew the moment I landed in Utah he was there. He would have embraced the beauty, just as I did. He would have loved the tranquility. A charming sense of peace. I went to bed Tuesday night praying that Gregger would come to wish me a Happy Birthday. He didn't. It was hard to sleep. I wanted my birthday to come and go. Maybe I could just sleep through it. No. Read more [...]

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ellen degeneres show

My Girl

"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May. I guess you'd say, what could make me feel this way?" Ellen! Ellen! "Talkin' 'bout my girl!" Ellen who? Ellen DeGeneres of course! The epitome of  hope, joy, and optimism, Ellen enters millions of homes each day through the miracle of electronics. She dances her way into living rooms and hearts, including mine. I have been a fan for 12 years now, but this year has brought a whole new dimension. Even when I'm having the crappiest of days, I turn on Ellen, and I am overcome with joy. She makes me smile, laugh, cry. She makes me forget. For one hour. Jokes, music, celebrities, and the most inspiring human Read more [...]

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At Least We Had Paris

At Least We Had Paris

I am so sad. I just read that Paris is not only banishing the tradition of "Love Locks" on the famed Pont des Arts, but removing the ones already blanketing the bridge. Gregger and I left our mark there September 2013. We promised to go back one day. We marked the spot. We took pictures. We knew just where our love lock, inscribed with our initials, remained, bearing our eternal love for one another.   Apparently the locks have become a safety hazard. City hall workers will begin removing the locks to prevent the bridge from caving. I get that. But it's like another piece of our hearts is being tossed away. Paris was our last "alone" trip together. We dreamed about that trip for so long. It Read more [...]

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The Weekend that Was

So I did it! I made it through the Vegas weekend...I survived the travel, the memories, and a little bit of heartache. I had melancholy moments, but I also had laughter, sunshine, and joy. I felt Gregger around me, pushing me, encouraging me. He would hate some of the things I did, the way I traveled, but it sort of made me laugh. For the first time in a long time, I was making my own choices. Believe me, I would be much happier with his choices or our choices, but making my choices at this point did feel pretty good. They were silly dumb things, but that's okay. They were still my choices and I was okay with them. It took me a long time to be okay with my choices. That probably sounds a bit Read more [...]

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