Chapter 2…On Finding Me

Along this grief journey I discovered the most amazing thing. Me. For so much of my life, I've lived in a bubble. Safe. Protected. Secure. I've been defined by others. Wife. Mother. Daughter. Sister. I was busy taking care. Nurturing. And pleasing. And then. The bubble BURST. There I was. No protection. No one holding my hand. Just me. I HAD to make choices. I HAD to take notice. I HAD to see life as what it was. I had a choice. Bury myself. Or take it on. A gift. My turn. To just be me. Whatever I wanted that to be. Anyone. Recreate. Start over. My second chance. My chapter two. For so long I was trying to be something else. Please others. I realized that I’d somehow gotten lost in the Read more [...]

Chapter 2…Friends

Gregger’s death impacted every aspect of my life. Me. Of course. One minute. A wife. The next. A widow. (Ugh. Who would have thought?) Single parent (Really?). My kids. Fatherless. My family. Parents. Siblings. Nieces. Nephews. All impacted. All changed. Empty space. Cracked. Broken. And friends. What about friends? Where were they? Some. Rushed to my side. Others. Cowered. Fear? Maybe. Death. Changes things. Grief. Changes things. Friendships. Relationships. Contacts. Some who were forefront, faded. Disappeared. Others who had drifted were front and center. "When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving Read more [...]

Chapter 2…Going Back

Starting over. Never easy. Going back. Tougher than tough.  Memories rush like a torrential flood. I returned to our roots. Arizona. My first return since moving to San Diego. I anticipated heartache and pain. I expected a barrage of emotions upon my return. "Our home." But. I survived. I not only survived, I realized how far I'd come in this journey. No gloom and doom. Only joy. For the memories we'd shared. The life we'd built. Lived. And appreciating the onset of my Chapter Two. I saw friends. Great friends. Friends I miss. But they live there. And I live somewhere else. We are bound in friendship. Love. Always will be. Just as the bond between Gregger and me will never be broken. But life Read more [...]

Chapter 2….August 30th…3 Years…Celebration of Life

Dear Gregger, Three years. 36 months, 1095 days, 26,280 hours, 1,576,800 minutes, 94,608,000 seconds. An eternity. A moment. Whatever. It's Time. Your time. From earth to shining star. In heaven. Some say anniversary. Of death. Morbid. Others say Death-aversary. Morbid. I say Celebration. Of life. Today is not a day for mourning. Or tears. It’s a day to celebrate. You. And all that you gave. To me. Your kids. Family. Friends. And so many others. We traveled many roads together in our 40 years. This is one journey I’ve had to make on my own. It sucks. But with your love and guidance, I’m still standing. If I could have just one more day you know what I would do? I’d hold your hand tighter. Read more [...]

Chapter 2…Edit

1091 days. Take me back. Life was nearly perfect. 1091 days. Take me back. Hawaii. Vacation. Celebrating. Life. Healthy. Happy. In love. Life was good. 38 plus years. Together. We had our bumps. The roller coaster. Of love. And life. But we’d made it. We were friends. Best friends. And lovers. We’d survived. Kids. College. Weddings. The worst of times. The best of times. I try to remember. All of it. “The saddest moment is when the person who gave you the best memories, becomes a memory.” 1091 days. Since you left. Gregger. YOU became THE memory. Every memory. But. Memories fade. Edges blur. Colors fade. And then. The focus. Disappears. If only. I could freeze frame. Protect. Restore. Funny Read more [...]