Starting over. Never easy. Going back. Tougher than tough. Memories rush like a torrential flood. I returned to our roots. Arizona. My first return since moving to San Diego. I anticipated heartache and pain. I expected a barrage of emotions upon my return. “Our home.” But. I survived. I not only survived, I realized how far I’d come in this journey. No gloom and doom. Only joy. For the memories we’d shared. The life we’d built. Lived. And appreciating the onset of my Chapter Two. I saw friends. Great friends. Friends I miss. But they live there. And I live somewhere else. We are bound in friendship. Love. Always will be. Just as the bond between Gregger and me will never be broken. But life goes on. And I must too. Friends acknowledged my optimism. Joy. Sense of tranquility. Such a compliment. They could see what was shining from the inside out. It validated my decision to move. Best decision ever!
This past week I faced the “are you ok” questions. Again. Gregger’s three year “mark” of leaving this earth. But. This time I had “new” answers. Not just ok. Not just a nod of my head. Pretense. Real. Settled. At peace. Confident. Starting over was smart. Maybe not for others. But it was for me. AZ had too many reminders. Past. I would have been stuck. Moving gave me the opportunity to grow. To learn. To discover. I am still learning. Still growing. Still discovering. Every day is a new beginning. Look forward instead of looking back. The memories will always be there. I hold them in my heart. But tomorrow is mine. Bring it on. I have truly found that there is nothing that can teach me more about life than losing the one I loved most.
Year 4 here we go.