Chapter 2…On Being Real

One of the hardest things I’ve learned on this grief journey is showing vulnerability. Exposing myself. Raw. Naked. Truth. Option? Walls. Dark. Blocked. Hidden. Why? To be strong. I can do this. I’m okay. Yes, I can. But then. I'm not. There are moments.  And I crack. The days my heart aches so badly the corners of my mouth won’t lift. My eyes are drawn. My face. An open book. Transparent. Everyone knows. So. What do I say? I’m okay? But. I’m not. So, I’ve learned to say just that. I’m not. It’s a bad day. I’m having a rough go. And I’ve learned. People embrace that vulnerability. It makes me real. I’ve learned. It’s okay to not be okay. Writing makes me vulnerable. Read more [...]

Chapter 2…The Sad Truth

It was hard enough to lose the love of my life. My soul mate. My best friend. But in the past three years, I have watched pieces of my family crumble apart. Was Gregger the glue who held us together? I’ve tried so hard to play both roles. I’ve tried to be all that he was while finding myself. Not easy. Actually nearly impossible. Sometimes I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of a cliff. One minute balanced. Safe. Sound. The next. Stumbling. Rocking. Losing my footing. At any second I’ll land flat on my face. No net beneath me. Why? Just another part of the grief journey. Losing a loved one is devastating. No ifs, ands, buts about it. There’s no “good” way to experience death. Read more [...]

Chapter 2…My Journey…Starting Over

I struggled with the decision to write again. Some days I felt ready to blurt out, "Hello world, here I am. Let me tell you my story. My journey." But others, I cowered behind the safety of the walls. No hurt. No pain. No tears. I was alive. But was I living? I needed to feel. Breathe. Let go.  Of fear. Fear of exposure. Fear of being alone. Fear of facing the truth. My feelings. The good. The bad. The truth. It’s been almost 3 years since Gregger left this earth. Some things have changed. Others not. What hasn’t changed? Missing Gregger. Loving him. Holding him in my heart. That’s forever. What has changed? Me. I’m living. Breathing. Smiling. Laughing. I have new friends. Earth Angels. Read more [...]

Chapter 2…Happy Birthday…It’s a New Year!

Today seemed like the perfect day to enter the world of blogging once again. And so I am. I’ve been distracted. Afraid. Writing brings out emotions. Grief. Sadness. Tears. But also joy. Love. Happiness. So I decided. Today. I’m ready. "This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind. Let it be something good.” Not only is this the beginning of a new day, it is the beginning of a new year. Of life. For me. My birthday. These were Read more [...]

Happy 63rd Birthday Gregger

Dear Greg, Happy 63rd Birthday! I can hardly believe this is our 3rd birthday apart. It seems like yesterday that I was getting ready for your big 60th birthday surprise. The last hoorah. I'll never forget that birthday. Never forget the look on your face. I can still feel you holding my hand. Walking into that room. And I hear the screams. The laughter. And the smile. Your smile. The best. It was our last dance. Every time I hear Beyonce belt out, "Love on Top," my heart stops. I drift back to that moment. You were holding me. Just the two of us. Rocking. Side to side. Cherishing a moment. Frozen in time. What a celebration. That was then. And here we are. Now. I'm here. You're somewhere. Out Read more [...]

Clawing Through the “Guck”

“There are moments which mark your life. Moments when you realize, nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts - before this, and after this.” I am in the “after this.” Still trying to figure it out. Every day. 2 plus years later. Still clawing my way through the “guck.” The pain. The tears. Why? Because. Love endures death. A person dies. But love doesn’t. So my heart aches. My heart feels empty. My soul aches. My soul feels empty. I cannot close this chapter. My heart’s not ready. Will it ever be? Probably not. I think I’m figuring that out. And trying to figure out how to live with it. But the hard part? Hiding. Staying strong. After so long some Read more [...]

Happy 40th Anniversary Gregger!

Dear Gregger, Happy 40th! Our Anniversary! This should be the easiest love letter I’ve ever written you. But it’s not. It’s the hardest. It should be a “happy” 40th. But I’m here and you’re “there.” We should be spending the day together. Reminiscing. Celebrating. Patting each other on the back and saying, “Hey, good job! We did it!” But we’re not. We talked about this day for so long. The milestones we marked. Our wedding day. Mere babes. Snowflakes drifting. A white blanket of wonderland. Good luck. I believe it was. Honeymoon. Hawaii. All those islands. But Maui. Our favorite. Who would have guessed our fairytale would “end” there? But the times between. We had Read more [...]
At Least We Had Paris

At Least We Had Paris

I am so sad. I just read that Paris is not only banishing the tradition of "Love Locks" on the famed Pont des Arts, but removing the ones already blanketing the bridge. Gregger and I left our mark there September 2013. We promised to go back one day. We marked the spot. We took pictures. We knew just where our love lock, inscribed with our initials, remained, bearing our eternal love for one another.   Apparently the locks have become a safety hazard. City hall workers will begin removing the locks to prevent the bridge from caving. I get that. But it's like another piece of our hearts is being tossed away. Paris was our last "alone" trip together. We dreamed about that trip for so long. It Read more [...]
Love Story - A True Love Fairytale

Every Love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite

So we had the "once upon a time" and were headed for the "happily ever after" until the fated day of August 30th, 2014. We had been together for over 40 years, the heading (Kontrol to celebrate our 39th wedding Jak anniversary. We had decided cheap jerseys on our 40th we were going to renew our vows, maybe in Hawaii, maybe at the Park Hyatt Aviara where our daughter and son-in-law had been married in May, 2013 on cheap jerseys one of the most memorable days of our lives. But, Sun more importantly, we – had vowed to be together for 75 years..his parents were married well over 50, my parents are still going strong over 53, and my grandparents were à just shy of their 75th when Read more [...]
A True Love Fairytale by Mikki Eveloff

Once in a while right in the middle of an ordinary life Love gives us a Fairytale

My DE happily ever after became once upon a time...it began in 1974 when a sudden turn of fate brought me back to Arizona cheap jerseys State University, much to my parents chagrin. After two years of switching cheap jerseys universities (from University of Arizona to University of Missouri-St. Louis) and majors, I had finally Monitoreo settled on a wonderful career as an occupational therapist and had been accepted into the program at Washington University, a renowned school. My deposits were in, I had a job to Kalvertoren fill my lonely hours, and plans were set. Growing cheap nfl jerseys up cheap jerseys China in St. Louis, that's pretty much the way things went...once you Read more [...]