4 Years

4 years. 48 months. 1440 days. 34,560 hours. 2,073,600 minutes. 124,416,000 seconds. An eternity. An instant. Forever. A flash. Time. Gone. From earth to shining star. In heaven. August 30th, 2014. August 29th. Our life was magical. Vacation. Maui. Beautiful. Magical. Sunshine. Family. Laughter. And love. Perfect. And in a moment. Gone. My love. Husband. Father. Brother. Friend. Gone. Our lives. Our love. Our magic. One moment. Lives changed. Forever. How? Why? There are no answers. Reasons. Even logical explanations. We can’t imagine. We don’t think it will happen. In the moment, it seems impossible. It did for me. We take for granted. We live. We breathe. And one day. We don’t. It was Read more [...]

Happy Birthday Gregger!

Dear Gregger – 🎈Happy 64th Birthday! 🎉 Really? Is that even possible? Wasn’t it just yesterday I was planning your surprise party? Four years. Past. Gone. Your 60th birthday. Your last. Your best. What I wouldn’t give for one more celebration. You should be here. We should be celebrating. We should be raising our glasses together.🥃🍷 But. God had different plans. As the old saying goes, “We make plans and God laughs.” Well he must have had one good chuckle when he heard our plans. I could make this about me. How I miss you. 💔Miss us. Miss my friend. My partner. My best love. But. You know all that. Or. I hope you do. I thought it’d be easier by now. It’s not. Read more [...]

Chapter 2…Happy Holidays!

I’ve been off the grid. Nothing life shattering. Just. Life. In the past, I would have stressed. I’d push myself. Write. Get it done. Post. Something. Not now. I stop. And enjoy. Don’t get me wrong. I love writing. Connecting. Sharing. But life. It’s precious. And I need to enjoy. Cherish. And live. In. The. Moment. I don’t want to look back and say, “Shoulda.” I want to look back and say, “I did.” So. I am. Busy. With family. Friends. Baby. Sweet. Precious. Moments. I spoke of this with a friend the other day. He was kind enough to point out the “unobvious.” “You are moving on. You are okay. You don’t need “outlets.” Or venting mechanisms. You’ve figured it out. Read more [...]

Chapter 2…Strike 3 and You’re Out!

The dating game. Sucks. Truly. I’m happy to say, I’m officially off the online market. Cannot take one more loser. Weirdo. Liar. Manipulator. I’d rather be alone. For the rest of my life. I decided. One more try. I had shut down. But again. I was bored. So why not? Check it out. Read the messages. They’re humorous. Entertaining. I was lured in. They were cheesy. But. Better than nothing. It was Saturday night. And there I was. Alone. On my couch. With Angel. How pathetic. One dude. Talked about feeling young. Acting young. Laughter. (I was ready. Laughter was enticing.) Surround yourself with happiness. Sounded good. On paper. Of course. Anyone can. Gave my number. Hated messaging on Read more [...]

Chapter 2…Tears, Pain, and Joy

“Grief is a big bowl to hold. It takes so many formations, so many textures and colors. You never know how or when it will rear its head and take a hold of you. Sometimes you cry unfathomably, some days you feel guilty because you haven’t cried, and in other moments you are so angry or filled with anxiety you just don’t know what to do.” I thought I had won. The battle. Beaten the waves of emotion. It’s year four. I thought I’d passed. The tests. The hard stuff. The firsts. The surprises. The “creepers.” (Those grief moments that just appear.) But suddenly, it emerged. Like a tsunami. As tiny tremors, then earthquakes rocked my world, they unraveled the grief buried deep within. Read more [...]