Year 7

What does grief look like after seven years? 7 years. 84 months. 30,660 days. 1,839,600 hours. 110,376,000 minutes. 6,622,560,000 seconds. Heartache. Tears. Pain. Tears. Loneliness. Tears. I wish I could say it’s “easier.” Different. But it’s not. A tough year. No reason. Nothing particular. Just tough. I want Greg back. That will never be. In my mind. I know. Reality. In my heart. I beg to differ. My heart feels empty. Yes. I am blessed. Amazing kids. Beautiful grandkids. Blessings. All.  Undeniable love. Love I am forever grateful to hold. But. Not the same. I feel broken. Seven years Signs. Surround me. White butterflies. Clouds. Music. Hummingbird. Just one. Visits daily. Flies Read more [...]

Happy 67th Birthday Greg!

Dear Greg, Happy 67! This is the day we celebrate you. And every year I’m reminded of another celebration  without you. Another 365 days gone. And you weren’t here. It sucks. Sometimes more than others. This is one of those “others.” Maybe it’s the pandemic. The turbulent, chaotic society. The endlessness. Uncertainty. I don’t know. But it’s hard. Days like these are even harder. "Grief changes shape, but it never ends.” I live. I smile. I laugh. But my soul is empty. And it hurts. This is my truth for now. Some days I’m ok. Others I’m not. I just want you here. To hold my hand. Watch silly TV. Talk. Or sit in silence. I’d even take a good snore. But. That’s not happening. Read more [...]

Happy 45th Anniversary!!

Dear Greg, 45 YEARS!!! 45 freaking years! We should be celebrating the hell out of those years. Our love. Our life. Even with this crazy pandemic it would have been AMAZING! How do I know? Because our needs were simple. It just took two. US. You plus Me. No fancy dinners. Trips. Glitz or glamour. Just us.  Happy. Hanging. You in your boxers and Birkenstocks. Me in my baggy sweats! Bring on the Jamesons. A glass of wine. Chips for you. Veggies for me. Cheers to love. Cheers to us. Cheers to many, many more years together. 75 years. Right? Wrong. God had other plans. We were cut short. Life ended. And so did we. 7 years of celebrating. Alone. Remembering what was. And what will never be. But. Read more [...]
Bling It On Design

When Life Gives You Lemons, “Bling It!”

2020 has been a year of challenges. A basket full of “lemons.” Life as we knew it came to a grinding halt. We adjusted. Readjusted. Managed. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months. Nothing changed. But time kept going. More “lemons.” Fires. Social injustice. Hurricanes. Loss. And more loss. We needed SOMETHING. Something to fill the empty spaces. To bring joy.  The upside. Getting to spend EVERY DAY with my daughter, Ashley; hubby, Tyler, and my two beautiful grandchildren, Cruz and Willow, since this craziness began in March. Blessed Mimi. No doubt. Walks, kids play, puzzles and more. We filled six to eight hours a day for nearly eight months. But. We needed more. Urged on by the Read more [...]

Year 6

6 years, 72 months, 2190 days, 52,560 hours, 3,153,600 minutes, 189,215,800 seconds since you’ve been gone…and it still seems like yesterday. August. Ugh. The calendar turns over and so do my nerves. But it’s there. The month. And it’s full of anticipation. Reliving the moments. The joy. The laughter. Family. Together time. And then. Gone. Over. Life changed. In. A. Moment. Life doesn’t give you do overs. We all learned that. We were left standing. Empty handed. Empty hearted. We still are.  I write this tribute to Greg every year. Honor his memory. The words flow. Easy. From my heart. 2020? So different. My feelings? The same. Melancholy. Heavyhearted. Nostalgic. But. So are hundreds Read more [...]

Happy Father’s Day 2020!

Happy Father’s Day Greg! Five Father’s Days, six years without you. It never gets easier. As each holiday rolls around I find myself in a state of melancholy. It washes over me. Encompasses my being. Uncontrollable. I don’t realize it’s happening. But. The calendar reminds me. You. Should be here. Celebrating. Your family. Kids. Grandkids. We. Should be celebrating. Together. I’m sad for what you’ve missed. The joy. The laughter. Their love. Smiles. The milestones. The way they make every day better. Especially when life seems to suck.  These are hard times right now. As much as I want you here, I don’t. The pandemic. Economic hardships. Police brutality. Riots. America in crisis. Read more [...]

The “Should Have Been” 66

Dear Greg, Today is another of those “should have been” celebrations. Your 66th birthday!  Six birthdays. Without you. Six birthdays trying to figure out how to keep celebrating when sometimes celebrating is the last thing I want to do. This is one of those times. It’s been a rough week. The world was reminded of the fragility of life. It touched so close to home. A superstar, his child and seven others with families and loves lost their lives. In a moment. A flash. And the world mourned. What began as an ordinary day ended in tragedy. And no one gets it. They shake their heads. Question. Why? How could this happen? Unfortunately. It does. And as truly awful as it is it happened to Read more [...]

“The Would Have Been” 44

Dear Greg, Today “would have been” our 44th anniversary. It “would have been” a day we spent celebrating our love for one another. A day together. Because. You ALWAYS made January 10th OUR day. Why the “would have been?” Because. You are NOT here. And. That’s MY reality. For six years I celebrated these occasions “as if.” I said, “Happy Anniversary.” “As if” you’d walk into the room. “As if” we’d celebrate all night long. But. We won’t. Not ever. Reality. It is the anniversary of our wedding day. But. We won’t exchange mushy cards. Surprise gifts. Cheers to the years. Or pat each on the back for conquering another year!  Why is this day more important Read more [...]

5 years…

Dear Gregger, 5 years, 60 months, 1825 days, 43,800 hours, 2,628,000 minutes, 157,680,000 seconds since you’ve been gone. I thought it’d be different by now. Not quite so raw. But. It stings. Burns. Aches. The pain. Sadness. Tears. Far too pronounced. Wetting the corners of my eyes. My face. Emptying my heart of the pain. I'll be okay. But. For the moment. I remember. You are gone. And the pain is real. Somedays I can barely remember my telephone number. I search frantically for a word, a name. Blank. Nothing. But the vivid memories of August 30th, 2014? They are etched in my brain. I blink my eyes. I’m back on the beach. Black Rock. Maui. Sun shining. Ocean blue. Perfect Hawaiiian Read more [...]

Happy Birthday to Me!

As I reflect on my birthday this year (and it’s a big one), I ask myself, “Is this what I thought this age would look like?” Where did I think I would be? This was most definitely not the life I’d planned. But. I am happy with the me I’ve become. So I believe that’s an amazing accomplishment. A gift to myself. Why did it take so long? Why couldn’t I have learned these things and lived this life years ago? Why couldn’t I have been this “me” for all of my life? Maybe it took this journey to get me to this place. Maybe it took life’s hard lessons to make me realize the simple things. And. I suppose that’s what life is really all about. Such simple wisdom. Such simple truth. Read more [...]